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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 411470"><p>A couple of thoughts.... as far as the abusive relationship she has with BD. It is hard as a family member to watch a child be in a relationship that is abusive. One of the things abusers do is try to isolate their partners from their loved ones who will support them. Often that works because the loved ones get sick of the abusive relationship and tactics and effects on the loved one. And a person cannot leave an abusive relationship until they are ready, no one else can make their decision for them. So the best thing in that situation is to continue to let the loved one know you love them and are there for them, at the same time setting any limits so that you don't have to deal with the abuser or abusive relationship. It can be a tough line to make. But it is much harder to leave an abusive relationship when you have no where to turn when you leave.... for that reason I don't really think tough love works for someone being abused, like it does say for drug addiction.</p><p></p><p>I don't think you should take abuse from Kat. If she is abusive to you I would walk away in the moment and just not deal with her at that moment at all.</p><p></p><p>As far as calling her back, I think you need to decide what feels right to you. I think in your shoes I would wait a bit until I was feeling less angry. In our case I did keep in touch with our son and I would answer his calls or call him back. If he got abusive then I would hang up. Yet I wanted to keep the door open both for our relationship and to our help when he was ready for it. Keeping that door open I think was really important in eventually getting him help and into rehab. </p><p></p><p>Hope this helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 411470"] A couple of thoughts.... as far as the abusive relationship she has with BD. It is hard as a family member to watch a child be in a relationship that is abusive. One of the things abusers do is try to isolate their partners from their loved ones who will support them. Often that works because the loved ones get sick of the abusive relationship and tactics and effects on the loved one. And a person cannot leave an abusive relationship until they are ready, no one else can make their decision for them. So the best thing in that situation is to continue to let the loved one know you love them and are there for them, at the same time setting any limits so that you don't have to deal with the abuser or abusive relationship. It can be a tough line to make. But it is much harder to leave an abusive relationship when you have no where to turn when you leave.... for that reason I don't really think tough love works for someone being abused, like it does say for drug addiction. I don't think you should take abuse from Kat. If she is abusive to you I would walk away in the moment and just not deal with her at that moment at all. As far as calling her back, I think you need to decide what feels right to you. I think in your shoes I would wait a bit until I was feeling less angry. In our case I did keep in touch with our son and I would answer his calls or call him back. If he got abusive then I would hang up. Yet I wanted to keep the door open both for our relationship and to our help when he was ready for it. Keeping that door open I think was really important in eventually getting him help and into rehab. Hope this helps. [/QUOTE]
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