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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 217787" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Just a quick note - I can see where MWM is thinking, I'm on the same wavelength. As usual!</p><p></p><p>lucky7, you said, "I have not figured out her problem with school now other than it's her way to frustrate me and hurt me."</p><p></p><p>I doubt she is doing that. It would require too much deliberate nastiness an calculation.</p><p></p><p>I really loathe the term "ODD" because it implies that the child is being deliberately obstructive for her own malicious purposes. While I recognise that this CAN happen, often a kid gets the ODD label because they have a desperate need to put some control back into their lives and have got into the very bad habit of automatically opposing anyone else who tries to assert some external control.</p><p></p><p>Regardless of what specifically is her diagnosis, there are ways YOU can work to try to change her behaviours. What is more, these methods should make your workload easier, not harder. It's not a cure, it's just something to help. How much it helps - it depends on many different things, but especially on how consistent you can be (and can insist on others being) in trying to give her back SOME control, while still holding the reins yourselves.</p><p></p><p>Get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There are also oter good books that people on this site will recommend - we generally onlyrecommend what we have already tried and found helpful. You take what you think will work and use it. YOU know your own child, you have a good idea of how best to adapt things to your situation and your needs.</p><p></p><p>To get a peek at what Explosive Child is about, look at the discussion on it on Early Childhood forum.</p><p></p><p>If your daughter is very anxious, this is going to make her seem at times to be very rude, impolite, disrespectful and argumentative. You may need to step back and change your standards for a while, maybe find a different way of trying to teach her more appropriate behaviours. But don't try to punish what is produced by anxiety; you wouldn't punish someone having a fit of hysterics after a near-miss car accident, would you? Instead, you would try to calm them down to the point where you could get some sense out of them, maybe try to talk to them as they calm down rather than when they're still upset.</p><p></p><p>Think about what works for you, as well as what doesn't work for you. And regardless of who recommended it or how well it works for other people - if it's not working with her, don't waste your efforts trying to use it. There are other options that should work better. You should never try to use a discipline technique that is losing effectiveness, it makes you lose face as a parent. Instead, find ways that DO work, that you have confidence in, and switch.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you're here, help is at hand. Many of us have come through what you are experiencing now and together we all help one another.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 217787, member: 1991"] Just a quick note - I can see where MWM is thinking, I'm on the same wavelength. As usual! lucky7, you said, "I have not figured out her problem with school now other than it's her way to frustrate me and hurt me." I doubt she is doing that. It would require too much deliberate nastiness an calculation. I really loathe the term "ODD" because it implies that the child is being deliberately obstructive for her own malicious purposes. While I recognise that this CAN happen, often a kid gets the ODD label because they have a desperate need to put some control back into their lives and have got into the very bad habit of automatically opposing anyone else who tries to assert some external control. Regardless of what specifically is her diagnosis, there are ways YOU can work to try to change her behaviours. What is more, these methods should make your workload easier, not harder. It's not a cure, it's just something to help. How much it helps - it depends on many different things, but especially on how consistent you can be (and can insist on others being) in trying to give her back SOME control, while still holding the reins yourselves. Get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There are also oter good books that people on this site will recommend - we generally onlyrecommend what we have already tried and found helpful. You take what you think will work and use it. YOU know your own child, you have a good idea of how best to adapt things to your situation and your needs. To get a peek at what Explosive Child is about, look at the discussion on it on Early Childhood forum. If your daughter is very anxious, this is going to make her seem at times to be very rude, impolite, disrespectful and argumentative. You may need to step back and change your standards for a while, maybe find a different way of trying to teach her more appropriate behaviours. But don't try to punish what is produced by anxiety; you wouldn't punish someone having a fit of hysterics after a near-miss car accident, would you? Instead, you would try to calm them down to the point where you could get some sense out of them, maybe try to talk to them as they calm down rather than when they're still upset. Think about what works for you, as well as what doesn't work for you. And regardless of who recommended it or how well it works for other people - if it's not working with her, don't waste your efforts trying to use it. There are other options that should work better. You should never try to use a discipline technique that is losing effectiveness, it makes you lose face as a parent. Instead, find ways that DO work, that you have confidence in, and switch. I'm glad you're here, help is at hand. Many of us have come through what you are experiencing now and together we all help one another. Marg [/QUOTE]
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