New and needs help

[hopes]

Hi,

I have never joined any boards or chats before but I need help. I am a 47 year old mom with three kids. My middle son is 12 and has a confirmed (since age 7) diagnosis of ADHD and I am desperately afraid for him and our family.

Jake has had the typical ADHD issues since daycare (project enlightment was called in at age 4). He struggled through elementary school with ok grades and consistently getting in trouble for the annoying but non-aggressive type behaviors. He was not medicated. He started getting worse both in behavior and academics in sixth grade once puberty hit and this year he is out of control and I am terrified of the path he is walking. I am afraid we are going to lose him and it will be too late to turn him around. On the surface the only thing he cares about is soccer (he plays year round). He is getting in trouble more at school and his grades are very poor and that is only because I work “hours” with him each night to help him study. He is angry and disrespectful at home and we have already gone to two different Dr’s and Jake now refuses to go anymore. When he did go he would not speak at all. I got two different “behavior plans” from each person I went to and neither has been successful. I don’t know what to do anymore in terms of the academics (just let him fail??) or the behavior.
My husband has been laid off for almost a year which is a struggle financially but people have mentioned things like boot camp and military school etc. and that scares me so much. My husband and I don't have any idea how to parent him anymore and he is so defiant and angry that I breath a sigh of relief just to get through one day without a meltdown and that doesn't even take into account the school issues.
Any suggestions? This is ruining our family and my marriage but I love my son so much and I don't know how to help him or reach him. I see him addicted to drugs, dead or in jail within a few years without help.
Thanks,

 

[gcvmom]

We're sorry your circumstances led you here, but glad you did find us. This is a wonderful place for support and information!

Is your son taking any medications right now?

 

[hopes]

yes, he started on October 19 taking 15 mg. of adderall. His behavior has improved in classes in terms of acting out and disrupting the class but he is angrier at home and just flat out doesn't care about and refuses to do homework unless I spend hours with him on it.

 

[smallworld]

Is it the short-acting Adderall or is it Adderall XR? If it's helping and it's short-acting Adderall, maybe he needs long-acting Adderall XR (or perhaps Vyvanse, which is similar to long-acting Adderall) to carry him into the evening. The anger that you're seeing may be "rebound," which is when the stimulant wears off in the afternoon. You should talk to your son's prescribing doctor about your concerns.

 

[dadside]

As gcvmom said, we're sorry you have the need but have found a great place for support and information.

Forget boot camps, military academies, or any school away from home. Based on my experience with my son, I'd bet that there is more than just ADHD. Even if ADHD is the root, at this point he may have "simply" disinterested in school and school work due to past poor performance. He may be depressed, but it would take a competent professional to diagnose that. I suggest he needs to see and feel real academic successes, and build his self-esteem. One way for that would be one-to-one instruction in school, at least for a time. To get that almost certainly would require "classification" under IDEA and then persuading the IEP committee to make such arrangements. That process can take 60 - 90 days (except in Florida, where it could run 90 school days, or some 5 months), but some schools will make changes before the process is complete.

 

[gcvmom]

Smallworld right about the rebound effect. And for what it's worth, my two difficult child's and my husband all had anger issues while on Adderall. It's just the way some people react to it.

Has he had any kind of professional testing by a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist to evaluate for other possible diagnoses or learning disabilities?