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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 91099" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>My 18dd just came home from a short stint with her dad in another state. She had gotten a bit unruly, hanging with losers, no job, barely graduated, etc., made poor choices, you name it.</p><p></p><p>We allowed her to come back home with conditions. School or work. If she's in school and gets a PT job, we will not charge her rent and we will support her (just like we do her older sister). If she works full time, she will pay rent. Not a large amount, but just enough to keep her responsible. She chose work over school. She MIGHT take a course or two in January, but for now it's work. She has a car, but lost her license for 30 days so we are her main transportation for about another 2-3 weeks when she gets her license back. I don't mind this temporarily as I know she will buy her own gas and pay for her own insurance. But once she's settled into her new job and making money, she will have to pay us each week. She now does her own laundry and has to care for her room in the manner I LIKE. She also still has a few chores to help out with since she's part of this household. She also has to respect our need for privacy and sleep so we've worked out reasonable curfews and having friends over rules. So far, so good. I don't expect miracles, but the goal is to help her become independent and respsonsible for herself!</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has laid all her cards on the table for you. She has no intention of working towards her GED, she will spend her money as she likes without entertaining questions from you and expects you to drive her around indefinitely. </p><p></p><p>So, now it is time for you to lay all your cards on the table. Set some boundaries in regards to her responsibility towards her home and family. Pay rent, contribute to your gas bill, do her own laundry, clean her room, be respectful and up front about where she is, especially if she's not coming home so you don't worry. Perhaps even find a more reliable job. You need to sit with your H and decide which aspects of her adult life you need to have boundaries for, what fits your home. And once you do that, you can sit with daughter and let her know. She's old enough, capable enough, experienced enough, and mature enough to take it.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 91099, member: 2211"] My 18dd just came home from a short stint with her dad in another state. She had gotten a bit unruly, hanging with losers, no job, barely graduated, etc., made poor choices, you name it. We allowed her to come back home with conditions. School or work. If she's in school and gets a PT job, we will not charge her rent and we will support her (just like we do her older sister). If she works full time, she will pay rent. Not a large amount, but just enough to keep her responsible. She chose work over school. She MIGHT take a course or two in January, but for now it's work. She has a car, but lost her license for 30 days so we are her main transportation for about another 2-3 weeks when she gets her license back. I don't mind this temporarily as I know she will buy her own gas and pay for her own insurance. But once she's settled into her new job and making money, she will have to pay us each week. She now does her own laundry and has to care for her room in the manner I LIKE. She also still has a few chores to help out with since she's part of this household. She also has to respect our need for privacy and sleep so we've worked out reasonable curfews and having friends over rules. So far, so good. I don't expect miracles, but the goal is to help her become independent and respsonsible for herself! Your daughter has laid all her cards on the table for you. She has no intention of working towards her GED, she will spend her money as she likes without entertaining questions from you and expects you to drive her around indefinitely. So, now it is time for you to lay all your cards on the table. Set some boundaries in regards to her responsibility towards her home and family. Pay rent, contribute to your gas bill, do her own laundry, clean her room, be respectful and up front about where she is, especially if she's not coming home so you don't worry. Perhaps even find a more reliable job. You need to sit with your H and decide which aspects of her adult life you need to have boundaries for, what fits your home. And once you do that, you can sit with daughter and let her know. She's old enough, capable enough, experienced enough, and mature enough to take it. Hugs and good luck! [/QUOTE]
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