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New here... ADHD/FASD/ODD concerns for 3 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 331023" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>There are a number of possibilities and it will at this stage require the involvement of a number of health professionals. As a priority, get him assessed by a Speech Pathologist Whatever is assessed NOW is going to be locked away in time forever as valuable data. How he presents NOW is vitally important, even if he overcomes all his language delays and performs perfectly normally - the HISTORY is what is needed.</p><p></p><p>Next - what you're already doing, getting him seen by the pediatrician. In australia that is the direction we need to take. But in the US, a neuropsychologist is where you will get the best information.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, how do you cope?</p><p></p><p>Red up on what you can from this site. We have a wealth of information. Go to the archives, especially the Early Childhood archives (and forum) and read. On Early Childhood we have a sticky dealing with how to adapt one of the site's favourite books, "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, to younger children.</p><p></p><p>Whatever the diagnosis, there are things you can do.</p><p></p><p>What worked for us (and difficult child 3 presented very similarly) was to let him have his head, so to speak, wherever it really didn't make any difference to us. So if we were going for a walk and he wanted to go down A Street when I had planned to go down B Street - well, if it really didn't make much difference we would go down B Street. However, if he insisted always on going down B Street I would do a deal ahead of time - "Today I want to go down A Street a little way. Then we will come back and go down B Street if you want."</p><p>You need to be wary of setting up repetitive patterns that risk locking him in to the security of sameness.</p><p></p><p>Where you can, prepare him. "We are going to do X. It will happen in Y minutes/hours." If you need to put this in writing, do so. Brightly-coloured Post-It notes are a good way of doing this. You write a time on the note with what he has to do (it needn't be a word, it can be a picture) and stick it next to whatever he is doing. Keep gently letting him know how much time he has left. Use a timer if you need to.</p><p></p><p> But use a timer that he can see counting down. difficult child 3 learned to count backwards at age 2 because I used the microwave oven timer so much!</p><p></p><p>One of the most important principles in "Explosive Child" that really works for us, is to head off the tantrums where possible. If you can predict he is going to scream, "No!" then try to figure out why, to help you find a different way to get cooperation.</p><p></p><p>An example that I've used - you have a kid rushing out to play in the snow. You don't want him running out there without his jacket, so you block the doorway and don't let him past until he's wearing his jacket. With a kid like yours and mine, that would set off a screaming rage.</p><p>Alternative - ask him, "Do you want your blue jacket or your red jacket?"</p><p>You have given him choice, rather than ultimatum. He has control, but you win because whichever colour, he's choosing a jacket.</p><p></p><p>Alternative 2 - let him go. if you let him go without a fight, he has no vested interest in being stubborn. He will feel cold, he will be back. And he will have learnt that to not wear a jacket means he will feel cold.</p><p></p><p>There are many different ways to get what you want.</p><p></p><p>But don't think of it as winning, because then you are seeing him as an adversary. That is unhealthy. Instead, you and he both need to see your relationship as one where you are his support, his help. Instead of it being him raging against you, he needs to see that you are helping him stay calm. The book can help.</p><p></p><p>Welcome on board.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 331023, member: 1991"] There are a number of possibilities and it will at this stage require the involvement of a number of health professionals. As a priority, get him assessed by a Speech Pathologist Whatever is assessed NOW is going to be locked away in time forever as valuable data. How he presents NOW is vitally important, even if he overcomes all his language delays and performs perfectly normally - the HISTORY is what is needed. Next - what you're already doing, getting him seen by the pediatrician. In australia that is the direction we need to take. But in the US, a neuropsychologist is where you will get the best information. In the meantime, how do you cope? Red up on what you can from this site. We have a wealth of information. Go to the archives, especially the Early Childhood archives (and forum) and read. On Early Childhood we have a sticky dealing with how to adapt one of the site's favourite books, "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, to younger children. Whatever the diagnosis, there are things you can do. What worked for us (and difficult child 3 presented very similarly) was to let him have his head, so to speak, wherever it really didn't make any difference to us. So if we were going for a walk and he wanted to go down A Street when I had planned to go down B Street - well, if it really didn't make much difference we would go down B Street. However, if he insisted always on going down B Street I would do a deal ahead of time - "Today I want to go down A Street a little way. Then we will come back and go down B Street if you want." You need to be wary of setting up repetitive patterns that risk locking him in to the security of sameness. Where you can, prepare him. "We are going to do X. It will happen in Y minutes/hours." If you need to put this in writing, do so. Brightly-coloured Post-It notes are a good way of doing this. You write a time on the note with what he has to do (it needn't be a word, it can be a picture) and stick it next to whatever he is doing. Keep gently letting him know how much time he has left. Use a timer if you need to. But use a timer that he can see counting down. difficult child 3 learned to count backwards at age 2 because I used the microwave oven timer so much! One of the most important principles in "Explosive Child" that really works for us, is to head off the tantrums where possible. If you can predict he is going to scream, "No!" then try to figure out why, to help you find a different way to get cooperation. An example that I've used - you have a kid rushing out to play in the snow. You don't want him running out there without his jacket, so you block the doorway and don't let him past until he's wearing his jacket. With a kid like yours and mine, that would set off a screaming rage. Alternative - ask him, "Do you want your blue jacket or your red jacket?" You have given him choice, rather than ultimatum. He has control, but you win because whichever colour, he's choosing a jacket. Alternative 2 - let him go. if you let him go without a fight, he has no vested interest in being stubborn. He will feel cold, he will be back. And he will have learnt that to not wear a jacket means he will feel cold. There are many different ways to get what you want. But don't think of it as winning, because then you are seeing him as an adversary. That is unhealthy. Instead, you and he both need to see your relationship as one where you are his support, his help. Instead of it being him raging against you, he needs to see that you are helping him stay calm. The book can help. Welcome on board. Marg [/QUOTE]
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