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General Parenting
New here and a little lost, could use some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 495246" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The Explosive Child is the book we recommend to ALL parents. It is counter-intuitive in many ways, but it also is about the only one that works with difficult children. difficult children, our difficult kids, just are not wired the same way as other kids. Clearly you are a good parent and so is your husband because you have 4 other kids who do not have difficult child's problems. So clearly the normal methods are NOT going to work with him or they already would have. We have a book list somewhere on the site and it is very helpful. Personally, NONE of my kids did anything different with 1-2-3 Magic and I found it useless and rather idiotically pointless. But that is us.</p><p></p><p>Others will come with more ideas, and I urge you to find a neuropsychologist (psychologist with extra training in how the brain influences behaviors) and ahve them do complete testing (can be 6-12 hours broken into shorter appointments) to find what is really going on. It could be a LOT of things, but the big picture is that you cannot expect things that work with pcs (normal kids) to help your difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Also, get a private Occupational Therapist (OT) to do an evaluation for sensory issues. Does he have problems with sounds, certain movements, textures, foods, etc....? Either seeking them out or not coping around them at all? Those are red flags for sensory problems. Sensory problems can be helped and can have a HUGE impact on a person. I have a lot of them myself. Put me in something itchy and I cannot cope with ANYTHING AT ALL until I don't itch. Never could - and thankfully my mom was smart enough to not try to make me. School will have an Occupational Therapist (OT) who CAN do the evaluation, but a school Occupational Therapist (OT) will look for things that impact school, not that impact his entire life. You need the private (plus I think school OTs get a lot of pressure to not find things wrong because it costs to provide therapy - I know it happens in my district). It took us YEARS to get my youngest to the point that he could tolerate an entire short church service. Even now if the organist is not good it will drive him out of the church to the hallways because he just cannot stand the wrong notes. When he was littler it was the volume.</p><p></p><p>There are a lot of things that you can do/find. the first is this group because we understand and most in real life don't. People think they understand and that you are talking about typical problems and exaggerating because our kids take things to extremes. Here? We have been there done that and/or are doing that now. We also have info to help with getting the supports and accommodations at school. Take your time, read the archives, ask all the questions you want and don't be afraid to vent. We ALL do it now and again.</p><p></p><p>The first thing though, in my opinion, is to get a therapist for you and husband so that you can be on the same page. NOTHING gets better if you split up unless one of you is abusive (which is NOT what I think is going on, just that it is an extreme situation in which divorce might help the kids). It is hard to parent our kids and many many many marriages split over it. So make taking care of Mom, Dad and your marriage at least as much of a priority as difficult child.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 495246, member: 1233"] The Explosive Child is the book we recommend to ALL parents. It is counter-intuitive in many ways, but it also is about the only one that works with difficult children. difficult children, our difficult kids, just are not wired the same way as other kids. Clearly you are a good parent and so is your husband because you have 4 other kids who do not have difficult child's problems. So clearly the normal methods are NOT going to work with him or they already would have. We have a book list somewhere on the site and it is very helpful. Personally, NONE of my kids did anything different with 1-2-3 Magic and I found it useless and rather idiotically pointless. But that is us. Others will come with more ideas, and I urge you to find a neuropsychologist (psychologist with extra training in how the brain influences behaviors) and ahve them do complete testing (can be 6-12 hours broken into shorter appointments) to find what is really going on. It could be a LOT of things, but the big picture is that you cannot expect things that work with pcs (normal kids) to help your difficult child. Also, get a private Occupational Therapist (OT) to do an evaluation for sensory issues. Does he have problems with sounds, certain movements, textures, foods, etc....? Either seeking them out or not coping around them at all? Those are red flags for sensory problems. Sensory problems can be helped and can have a HUGE impact on a person. I have a lot of them myself. Put me in something itchy and I cannot cope with ANYTHING AT ALL until I don't itch. Never could - and thankfully my mom was smart enough to not try to make me. School will have an Occupational Therapist (OT) who CAN do the evaluation, but a school Occupational Therapist (OT) will look for things that impact school, not that impact his entire life. You need the private (plus I think school OTs get a lot of pressure to not find things wrong because it costs to provide therapy - I know it happens in my district). It took us YEARS to get my youngest to the point that he could tolerate an entire short church service. Even now if the organist is not good it will drive him out of the church to the hallways because he just cannot stand the wrong notes. When he was littler it was the volume. There are a lot of things that you can do/find. the first is this group because we understand and most in real life don't. People think they understand and that you are talking about typical problems and exaggerating because our kids take things to extremes. Here? We have been there done that and/or are doing that now. We also have info to help with getting the supports and accommodations at school. Take your time, read the archives, ask all the questions you want and don't be afraid to vent. We ALL do it now and again. The first thing though, in my opinion, is to get a therapist for you and husband so that you can be on the same page. NOTHING gets better if you split up unless one of you is abusive (which is NOT what I think is going on, just that it is an extreme situation in which divorce might help the kids). It is hard to parent our kids and many many many marriages split over it. So make taking care of Mom, Dad and your marriage at least as much of a priority as difficult child. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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