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New here and a little lost, could use some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="myeverything04" data-source="post: 495248" data-attributes="member: 13522"><p>Well welcome to the group! I myself just joined last night but have already found I love it here <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I do not have a child with ODD but did look into it heavily as it can go hand in hand with ADHD (my daughters (difficult child) diagnosis). I am not a doctor but I can give you my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like to me YOU are not getting what you need from this psychologist and why pay him if you aren't happy with him. I can say from personal experience that the first person you go to may not be the right one. There are many to choose from and since he isn't giving you what I would say is good advice, I would look for another one.</p><p></p><p>As far as the other things you mentioned go, it is very hard to parent a child when you and husband don't see eye to eye. My fiance and I didn't see eye to eye either for many years and still don't with a lot of things. One thing we agree on is to never go against the other persons discapline in front of your child. If you child can see you aren't arguing with each others punishments, he may start to see that you are on the same page. I'm sure after 5 children you know this (lol), but maybe reminding husband of this may help. </p><p></p><p>Time out never worked for my daughter and still doesn't. It doesn't 'punish' her at all and she just laughs at me. So, I found the one thing that I could take away that hurts her the most - the TV. Although it kills me to take it away, let's face it, it's a peaceful moment for all parents, she absolutely hates it and it does get her to think about what she did to get it taken away in the first place. Since your son is being distructive when sent to his room, maybe he needs another way to get out his anger. Have you tried a martial arts class, or maybe another sport in which he can get some energy out? I don't have boys so I don't know much about the rough and tough things but my sister has 3 boys and each of them is always doing some physical activity to get out there angry energy. Just a thought. </p><p></p><p>I have also been down the "I hate you" road and it's not one I want to return too. My daughter is a bright child so the last time she told me she hated me, I sat down and had a heart-to-heart with her. She has heard the term orphan before but never really understood what they meant so I explained it all to her. She had no idea that they are actual children in our town/city who don't have parents to tuck them in at night, feed them breakfast, take them to birthday parties, etc. I also explained that these children wish everyday they had a parent to just say I love you too. And when she still didn't crack, I told her about the children who are homeless and don't even have a bed, food, clean clothes or a bathroom to take a hot shower in. She cried and I did feel bad for her but she finally understood all the things I do for her and she hasn't said I hate you since. I know not everyone would agree with my tactic but I wanted her to really understand how lucky she is to have the things and parents she has. I'm sure I will hear I hate you again sometime when she hits about 12 or so, but for now she feels blessed to have parents. </p><p></p><p>I know one thing that has really helped my daughter is having a strict schedule. She knows what to expect next and isn't surprised when anything happens... like when homework times comes. We also still use a sticker chart - something that works well as she likes to see the chart fill up and then gets a reward (trip to the ice cream parlour or renting a new video game). With my daughter only being 8, we stick to a very small number of stickers (7 at our house) as kids her age need 'instant gratification.' I took her to the dollar store and she picked out her own calendar. She gets a sticker each day for good behavior but has to mark out the day if she has not-so-good behavior. I like having her mark out the 'bad' days as she can then see how many days she could have earned a sticker but didn't because she made bad choices that day. If you choose to do something like this, make sure you have the rules for good behavior posted next to the chart. This will help your son understand what is expected of him to have a good day. </p><p></p><p>Also wanted to mention my daughter is also taking Melatonin at night... her ADHD medication keeps her up so we had to do something!</p><p></p><p>Best of luck and keep in touch</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="myeverything04, post: 495248, member: 13522"] Well welcome to the group! I myself just joined last night but have already found I love it here :) I do not have a child with ODD but did look into it heavily as it can go hand in hand with ADHD (my daughters (difficult child) diagnosis). I am not a doctor but I can give you my opinion. Sounds like to me YOU are not getting what you need from this psychologist and why pay him if you aren't happy with him. I can say from personal experience that the first person you go to may not be the right one. There are many to choose from and since he isn't giving you what I would say is good advice, I would look for another one. As far as the other things you mentioned go, it is very hard to parent a child when you and husband don't see eye to eye. My fiance and I didn't see eye to eye either for many years and still don't with a lot of things. One thing we agree on is to never go against the other persons discapline in front of your child. If you child can see you aren't arguing with each others punishments, he may start to see that you are on the same page. I'm sure after 5 children you know this (lol), but maybe reminding husband of this may help. Time out never worked for my daughter and still doesn't. It doesn't 'punish' her at all and she just laughs at me. So, I found the one thing that I could take away that hurts her the most - the TV. Although it kills me to take it away, let's face it, it's a peaceful moment for all parents, she absolutely hates it and it does get her to think about what she did to get it taken away in the first place. Since your son is being distructive when sent to his room, maybe he needs another way to get out his anger. Have you tried a martial arts class, or maybe another sport in which he can get some energy out? I don't have boys so I don't know much about the rough and tough things but my sister has 3 boys and each of them is always doing some physical activity to get out there angry energy. Just a thought. I have also been down the "I hate you" road and it's not one I want to return too. My daughter is a bright child so the last time she told me she hated me, I sat down and had a heart-to-heart with her. She has heard the term orphan before but never really understood what they meant so I explained it all to her. She had no idea that they are actual children in our town/city who don't have parents to tuck them in at night, feed them breakfast, take them to birthday parties, etc. I also explained that these children wish everyday they had a parent to just say I love you too. And when she still didn't crack, I told her about the children who are homeless and don't even have a bed, food, clean clothes or a bathroom to take a hot shower in. She cried and I did feel bad for her but she finally understood all the things I do for her and she hasn't said I hate you since. I know not everyone would agree with my tactic but I wanted her to really understand how lucky she is to have the things and parents she has. I'm sure I will hear I hate you again sometime when she hits about 12 or so, but for now she feels blessed to have parents. I know one thing that has really helped my daughter is having a strict schedule. She knows what to expect next and isn't surprised when anything happens... like when homework times comes. We also still use a sticker chart - something that works well as she likes to see the chart fill up and then gets a reward (trip to the ice cream parlour or renting a new video game). With my daughter only being 8, we stick to a very small number of stickers (7 at our house) as kids her age need 'instant gratification.' I took her to the dollar store and she picked out her own calendar. She gets a sticker each day for good behavior but has to mark out the day if she has not-so-good behavior. I like having her mark out the 'bad' days as she can then see how many days she could have earned a sticker but didn't because she made bad choices that day. If you choose to do something like this, make sure you have the rules for good behavior posted next to the chart. This will help your son understand what is expected of him to have a good day. Also wanted to mention my daughter is also taking Melatonin at night... her ADHD medication keeps her up so we had to do something! Best of luck and keep in touch [/QUOTE]
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