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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 410963" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>I too would say that the abandonment threat is likely to be an attempt to coerce you into taking her home and nothing more. We went through same thing with difficult child 1. What did happen was the fastest response we had seen to date in trying to coordinate efforts to set up a placement for him. As in 20+ people convened in one room about 3 days later to brain storm and agree to fund an out-of-home placement. We never paid a penny of the supposedly thousands that were due because our coverage had run out.</p><p></p><p>I also would strongly recommend an out-of-area placement that is a therapeutic foster home where she is the only child coupled with an SED school placement in a very tiny SED school where she can get a lot of therapeutic attention.</p><p></p><p>I would expect that she may never return to your home.</p><p></p><p>If you do bring her home you need to get all the other kids out of there - send them to ex's, friends homes, extended family, whoever you trust to care for them for several days or longer. Be prepared to have a problem finding a place for the 3rd adopted sib in this process or to have that child act out in new/different ways.</p><p></p><p>Then you need to strip the entire house and garage and yard of anything that can be used as a serious weapon. NO knives or regular scissors; no stick-like objects like painting sticks, bats, umbrellas; no curtain rods that are the solid metal kind; no easily picked up and thrown heavy statues or glass type objects; get rid of all plastic bags; no ropes or rope-like objects like belts. If you have blinds tie the strings up very, very high so they are not easily accessible. If you have something of value that is easily broken remove it to storage - TV's, computers for example. Install a deadbolt lock on your bedroom door and keep the key as well as a cell phone on your body at all times. If you have not already done so, today right now go and remove every single OTC and rx medication you have in the house and lock them up. We built and installed a padlocked medicine cupboard in our home and the kids have to ask for everything even benadryl and tylenol and vitamins.</p><p></p><p>Plan to keep her in line of sight at all times. If there are obstacles to this, move furniture etc to enable you to see her and what she's doing. If you are going to be alone with her at night you may want to see if a male friend or relative can come and stay with you then. I would contact your local police station and talk to them about the situation so they are aware of the problem. Hopefully it will dramatically improve their response time when you call.</p><p></p><p>Get the gerbil or any other pets out of your home too.</p><p></p><p>Under no circumstances should she be left alone anywhere. I cannot emphasize that enough.</p><p></p><p>Since she was victimized there may also be funds to help pay for treatment if your state has set up a fund for this and she qualifies. There would have to have been a police report filed - at the minimum. You could contact your local domestic violence program and ask if there's anything that they are aware of that might provide further assistance.</p><p></p><p>You have my utmost sympathy. I second the person who said you have gone above and beyond for these children. Try not to feel guilty about an out-of-home placement. It is in her best interest in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Your responsibility now is to attempt (and I only say attempt) to ensure she gets an appropriate placement and that you PROTECT your other children and yourselves. You are no good to them dead or seriously hurt.</p><p></p><p>If you have not already done so, I would immediately contact Child Protective Services and ask them for help. Given the in-home abuse I expect they are already involved. But if they are unaware of the new developments I would make sure that they are. You do not need to be accused of child abuse of any other children in the house because you are forced to bring her home.</p><p></p><p>A family lawyer familiar with adoption law may be helpful to you in clarifying your legal options for abandonment or other legal remedies for returning her custody to the state.</p><p></p><p>It's overwhelming and a nightmare I know. I also know that, if you take these precautions, you will live through it and one day it will be better/over.</p><p></p><p>It is great that the relationships with other parents/ex's are positive. Call on those people to help you protect the other children.</p><p></p><p>Remember to breathe and as long as she is out of your home spend extra time with the other children if you can. Play therapy for all is likely in order.</p><p></p><p>Peace,</p><p></p><p>Patricia</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 410963, member: 7948"] I too would say that the abandonment threat is likely to be an attempt to coerce you into taking her home and nothing more. We went through same thing with difficult child 1. What did happen was the fastest response we had seen to date in trying to coordinate efforts to set up a placement for him. As in 20+ people convened in one room about 3 days later to brain storm and agree to fund an out-of-home placement. We never paid a penny of the supposedly thousands that were due because our coverage had run out. I also would strongly recommend an out-of-area placement that is a therapeutic foster home where she is the only child coupled with an SED school placement in a very tiny SED school where she can get a lot of therapeutic attention. I would expect that she may never return to your home. If you do bring her home you need to get all the other kids out of there - send them to ex's, friends homes, extended family, whoever you trust to care for them for several days or longer. Be prepared to have a problem finding a place for the 3rd adopted sib in this process or to have that child act out in new/different ways. Then you need to strip the entire house and garage and yard of anything that can be used as a serious weapon. NO knives or regular scissors; no stick-like objects like painting sticks, bats, umbrellas; no curtain rods that are the solid metal kind; no easily picked up and thrown heavy statues or glass type objects; get rid of all plastic bags; no ropes or rope-like objects like belts. If you have blinds tie the strings up very, very high so they are not easily accessible. If you have something of value that is easily broken remove it to storage - TV's, computers for example. Install a deadbolt lock on your bedroom door and keep the key as well as a cell phone on your body at all times. If you have not already done so, today right now go and remove every single OTC and rx medication you have in the house and lock them up. We built and installed a padlocked medicine cupboard in our home and the kids have to ask for everything even benadryl and tylenol and vitamins. Plan to keep her in line of sight at all times. If there are obstacles to this, move furniture etc to enable you to see her and what she's doing. If you are going to be alone with her at night you may want to see if a male friend or relative can come and stay with you then. I would contact your local police station and talk to them about the situation so they are aware of the problem. Hopefully it will dramatically improve their response time when you call. Get the gerbil or any other pets out of your home too. Under no circumstances should she be left alone anywhere. I cannot emphasize that enough. Since she was victimized there may also be funds to help pay for treatment if your state has set up a fund for this and she qualifies. There would have to have been a police report filed - at the minimum. You could contact your local domestic violence program and ask if there's anything that they are aware of that might provide further assistance. You have my utmost sympathy. I second the person who said you have gone above and beyond for these children. Try not to feel guilty about an out-of-home placement. It is in her best interest in my opinion. Your responsibility now is to attempt (and I only say attempt) to ensure she gets an appropriate placement and that you PROTECT your other children and yourselves. You are no good to them dead or seriously hurt. If you have not already done so, I would immediately contact Child Protective Services and ask them for help. Given the in-home abuse I expect they are already involved. But if they are unaware of the new developments I would make sure that they are. You do not need to be accused of child abuse of any other children in the house because you are forced to bring her home. A family lawyer familiar with adoption law may be helpful to you in clarifying your legal options for abandonment or other legal remedies for returning her custody to the state. It's overwhelming and a nightmare I know. I also know that, if you take these precautions, you will live through it and one day it will be better/over. It is great that the relationships with other parents/ex's are positive. Call on those people to help you protect the other children. Remember to breathe and as long as she is out of your home spend extra time with the other children if you can. Play therapy for all is likely in order. Peace, Patricia [/QUOTE]
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