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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 618322" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>i would not let him live with you. it isn't up to your mother or anyone else. He is a middle age man with his own family and he is also committing crimes.</p><p></p><p>Do you get any support independent of your family? Sounds like you guys may be overly involved with one another...your mother does not still have control over you and you do not owe anything more support or housing to your son. You can't control him or his ex or what the courrts order them to do with the kids...in fact, you can only control one person...yourself and your reaction to other people.Your mom can not make you feel guilty unless you allow her to. I would start to tell her that you aren't going to listen to her talk about your son. You can say it kindly, but be firm. I would start keeping her separate from your son.If she starts to talk about him, well...there's somebody at the door. You have to go. Or you just remembered you have to pick up something at the store and you have to go. Do not listen to her tell you what to do or even talk about your son. At the same time, you can not control her if SHE decides to enable your son. Focus on yourself and your loved ones who are kind and loving to you. Abusers and control freaks are toxic.</p><p></p><p>Do you ever take care of yourself? Do you go to any twelve step meetings to get help in dealing with your son? Do you have your own therapist?</p><p></p><p>I recommend a really good book that got me thinking of myself for the first time in my life: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. please...do yourself a favor and read it. You deserve better than the abuse coming from your mother and your son. Relatives or not, they are not treating you well and are trying to control you and you don't need that.</p><p></p><p>You have done everything possible for your grown son and he has not turned into a nice or caring person...this is a very hard thing for mothers to admit. It isn't your fault. He is old enough to decide how he will be toward others. Faking child support payments is pretty bad, but there isn't anything you can or should try to do about it. It is his problem. He did it. Let him deal with the natural consequences. you don't want him to be fifty and still unable to make an adult decision because everyone always bails him out. in my opinion it's best to stop it, regardless of what anyone tells you.</p><p></p><p>So sorry for your hurting heart. Glad you found us; so sorry you had to though...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 618322, member: 1550"] i would not let him live with you. it isn't up to your mother or anyone else. He is a middle age man with his own family and he is also committing crimes. Do you get any support independent of your family? Sounds like you guys may be overly involved with one another...your mother does not still have control over you and you do not owe anything more support or housing to your son. You can't control him or his ex or what the courrts order them to do with the kids...in fact, you can only control one person...yourself and your reaction to other people.Your mom can not make you feel guilty unless you allow her to. I would start to tell her that you aren't going to listen to her talk about your son. You can say it kindly, but be firm. I would start keeping her separate from your son.If she starts to talk about him, well...there's somebody at the door. You have to go. Or you just remembered you have to pick up something at the store and you have to go. Do not listen to her tell you what to do or even talk about your son. At the same time, you can not control her if SHE decides to enable your son. Focus on yourself and your loved ones who are kind and loving to you. Abusers and control freaks are toxic. Do you ever take care of yourself? Do you go to any twelve step meetings to get help in dealing with your son? Do you have your own therapist? I recommend a really good book that got me thinking of myself for the first time in my life: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. please...do yourself a favor and read it. You deserve better than the abuse coming from your mother and your son. Relatives or not, they are not treating you well and are trying to control you and you don't need that. You have done everything possible for your grown son and he has not turned into a nice or caring person...this is a very hard thing for mothers to admit. It isn't your fault. He is old enough to decide how he will be toward others. Faking child support payments is pretty bad, but there isn't anything you can or should try to do about it. It is his problem. He did it. Let him deal with the natural consequences. you don't want him to be fifty and still unable to make an adult decision because everyone always bails him out. in my opinion it's best to stop it, regardless of what anyone tells you. So sorry for your hurting heart. Glad you found us; so sorry you had to though... [/QUOTE]
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