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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 523252" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>Benny,</p><p>I struggled with an out of control son stealing from me for many years and he started using at a very young age. He stole from me and helped his friends steal from me. He stole my car keys and gave them to two new friends that were stealing from people with a gun. The police told me the truth. They stole my Christmas presenst, my jewelry, wiped out my home one time.</p><p></p><p>He was in 2 court ordered rehab center, here we ware responsible for them until age 18 and then they are considered adults in most states. Every time he was in trouble he bragged about it! Looking back I don't know how I stood it as long as I did without having a total breakdown. At 19 I said you are out of here and I meant it. Of course they are going to scream and cry and promise to change because YOU are their means of continuing their lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>At 33 my son had be clean and sober for the previous year and he apologized for what he put me through. I thought he had finally turned his life around. I had moved to another state after retiring 3 years ago so I did not know he and girl friend had started using again. He conned me into helping him financially for about 5 months. Then she stated harrassing me and I called the police and found out the truth.</p><p></p><p>They party alot and fight a lot and he cuts himself and threatens suicide. She was put in detox and he was thrown out on the street. I received 2 emails from him a month ago, one liners asking for money and I ignored them.</p><p></p><p>I have doubts that my son will ever grow up and be a responsible person! But that is his choice and I will not support him. I have family members that have adult men, unemployed, sleeping on their sofas. In their late 20's and perfectly happy to be supported, no ambition!!!!</p><p></p><p>It is sad that you had to leave your home. It is so very hard, so please, do not judge your spouse harshly. Now that he has the son in the home with out you maybe he will see exactly what is going on and move over to your side. If not, that is his choice! You can only control YOUR choices.</p><p></p><p>Read the posts and the books recommended here. All of the pros say stop the money, maybe the grands will get tired of them stealing!</p><p></p><p>As has been pointed out, you can not change other people only yourself, and you are not in control so try to let it go. DETACH as much as you can. You owe it to the 2 still living at home that deserve a safe life until they are the legal age to support themselves. Stay strong, as I said, it is not easy, but as much as I love my son I have a right to a safe life without chaos.</p><p></p><p>(((blessings and prayers for us all)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 523252, member: 13558"] Benny, I struggled with an out of control son stealing from me for many years and he started using at a very young age. He stole from me and helped his friends steal from me. He stole my car keys and gave them to two new friends that were stealing from people with a gun. The police told me the truth. They stole my Christmas presenst, my jewelry, wiped out my home one time. He was in 2 court ordered rehab center, here we ware responsible for them until age 18 and then they are considered adults in most states. Every time he was in trouble he bragged about it! Looking back I don't know how I stood it as long as I did without having a total breakdown. At 19 I said you are out of here and I meant it. Of course they are going to scream and cry and promise to change because YOU are their means of continuing their lifestyle. At 33 my son had be clean and sober for the previous year and he apologized for what he put me through. I thought he had finally turned his life around. I had moved to another state after retiring 3 years ago so I did not know he and girl friend had started using again. He conned me into helping him financially for about 5 months. Then she stated harrassing me and I called the police and found out the truth. They party alot and fight a lot and he cuts himself and threatens suicide. She was put in detox and he was thrown out on the street. I received 2 emails from him a month ago, one liners asking for money and I ignored them. I have doubts that my son will ever grow up and be a responsible person! But that is his choice and I will not support him. I have family members that have adult men, unemployed, sleeping on their sofas. In their late 20's and perfectly happy to be supported, no ambition!!!! It is sad that you had to leave your home. It is so very hard, so please, do not judge your spouse harshly. Now that he has the son in the home with out you maybe he will see exactly what is going on and move over to your side. If not, that is his choice! You can only control YOUR choices. Read the posts and the books recommended here. All of the pros say stop the money, maybe the grands will get tired of them stealing! As has been pointed out, you can not change other people only yourself, and you are not in control so try to let it go. DETACH as much as you can. You owe it to the 2 still living at home that deserve a safe life until they are the legal age to support themselves. Stay strong, as I said, it is not easy, but as much as I love my son I have a right to a safe life without chaos. (((blessings and prayers for us all))) [/QUOTE]
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