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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 385913" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome, Paisleysea!</p><p></p><p>I am glad you have found discipline methods which seem to be working. We here have often found a lot of benefit from a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. I call it "change of mindset" by which I mean, often when you think of your child s ODD, you tend to also feel a bit resentful and angry towards this child who seems to delight in choosing to be difficult. But the mindset changer means if you can turn this around (flip the switch in your own head) and see this child as simply being incapable, due to combined frustrations, hidden disabilities (despite high ability in other areas) and a short fuse all combining to make social skills and other normal development, not working well - it makes it easier to not resent your child, but then to step forward and feel more compassionate in support. This can almost magically bring improvement in some kids. It is far less likely to work with those very small few who really are choosing to be a problem, because for whatever warped purpose, they feel superior when they have people chasing after them; it becomes an unhealthy mind game and power game. It can be confusing, because power is also very much an issue for kids who struggle due to life suddenly seeming too confusing. For those kids, giving them some power can actually bring about good improvement.</p><p></p><p>I think you need to consider Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. This is not necessarily the bad news some people might see; there can be a lot of positive benefit to high-functioning Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). But the journey to work it out can be very frustrating. Here, we can help short-cut it. Even if it's not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), there is enough similarity for it to be a valuable working hypothesis for you, I feel.</p><p></p><p>Go to <a href="http://www.childbrain.com" target="_blank">www.childbrain.com</a> and look at their online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. It's only a guide, nothing more. But you can print out the results (whatever they show) and take it to a neuropsychologist or even just the GP, to indicate the areas of concern.</p><p></p><p>What worried me about your description - what rings the bells of my memory, in other words - is your description of a seemingly very bright child who has been coasting academically, now beginning to struggle because he has to actually THINK and not simply use key words to find the answers. As the work becomes more socially complex; as the kids are required to "read between the lines", you find a sudden difficulty in a child who socially lags behind others. This social lag can seem mild in play situations, but in class it can show up especially in gifted programs where the truly socially advanced students can readily do the humanities subjects. I'm betting he is doing better in Maths than in English? And in English, is good at grammar but suddenly doing badly in more complex comprehension exercises?</p><p></p><p>An example - a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid has a comprehension exercise to do. A question asks, "Where did John lead the donkey?" and the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) student skims the text looking for keywords "John" and "donkey" to find the answer quickly. But as the children get older the questions become more challenging. "In this poem, 'Dulci et Decorum Est', is Wilfred Owen presenting a consensist or a conflict point of view? State your reasons for your answer." (That, by the way, is the level at which difficult child 3 is expected to work - it's a struggle, but with practice, he can now answer such a question at age 16 - if the question is defined more clearly, he can now easily answer it. As it stands as I wrote it, he would need to mentally revisit the definitions of consensus and conflict before he could formulate an answer, and if like his Aspie brother he had trouble multitasking mentally, he would need to practice writing down his thought processes in a mind map).</p><p></p><p>It is not unusual for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid to be bright, even to the level of being a gifted genius. But USING it, especially as the work gets more complex - that is the problem. Coaching won't help, if it doesn't address the underlying brain maturity delay. That brain will get there, but it could take years longer than you plan for. Meanwehile he will feel academically frustrated if he fails to find a subject at which he can continue to excel.</p><p></p><p>Your son undoubtedly knows he's bright. Probably also doesn't suffer fools gladly. And now he is struggling, he feels he himself is the fool he despises. </p><p></p><p>What he needs - he has to find what he is still good at, independent of that need for social brain maturity. He needs to feel better about himself and also to know it is not his fault and, especially with some help and hard work, he can improve. It also helped my kids to be told that while Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is technically a disability, it also brings surprising and valuable gifts.</p><p>To learn more, read up on the work of Tony Attwood, then follow where those connections lead. </p><p></p><p>Also, stick around here and let us know how you get on. There is a lot of help and support here, from so many other parents who have been where you are. Plus your own experiences will be able to in turn help others.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 385913, member: 1991"] Welcome, Paisleysea! I am glad you have found discipline methods which seem to be working. We here have often found a lot of benefit from a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. I call it "change of mindset" by which I mean, often when you think of your child s ODD, you tend to also feel a bit resentful and angry towards this child who seems to delight in choosing to be difficult. But the mindset changer means if you can turn this around (flip the switch in your own head) and see this child as simply being incapable, due to combined frustrations, hidden disabilities (despite high ability in other areas) and a short fuse all combining to make social skills and other normal development, not working well - it makes it easier to not resent your child, but then to step forward and feel more compassionate in support. This can almost magically bring improvement in some kids. It is far less likely to work with those very small few who really are choosing to be a problem, because for whatever warped purpose, they feel superior when they have people chasing after them; it becomes an unhealthy mind game and power game. It can be confusing, because power is also very much an issue for kids who struggle due to life suddenly seeming too confusing. For those kids, giving them some power can actually bring about good improvement. I think you need to consider Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. This is not necessarily the bad news some people might see; there can be a lot of positive benefit to high-functioning Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). But the journey to work it out can be very frustrating. Here, we can help short-cut it. Even if it's not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), there is enough similarity for it to be a valuable working hypothesis for you, I feel. Go to [url]www.childbrain.com[/url] and look at their online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. It's only a guide, nothing more. But you can print out the results (whatever they show) and take it to a neuropsychologist or even just the GP, to indicate the areas of concern. What worried me about your description - what rings the bells of my memory, in other words - is your description of a seemingly very bright child who has been coasting academically, now beginning to struggle because he has to actually THINK and not simply use key words to find the answers. As the work becomes more socially complex; as the kids are required to "read between the lines", you find a sudden difficulty in a child who socially lags behind others. This social lag can seem mild in play situations, but in class it can show up especially in gifted programs where the truly socially advanced students can readily do the humanities subjects. I'm betting he is doing better in Maths than in English? And in English, is good at grammar but suddenly doing badly in more complex comprehension exercises? An example - a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid has a comprehension exercise to do. A question asks, "Where did John lead the donkey?" and the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) student skims the text looking for keywords "John" and "donkey" to find the answer quickly. But as the children get older the questions become more challenging. "In this poem, 'Dulci et Decorum Est', is Wilfred Owen presenting a consensist or a conflict point of view? State your reasons for your answer." (That, by the way, is the level at which difficult child 3 is expected to work - it's a struggle, but with practice, he can now answer such a question at age 16 - if the question is defined more clearly, he can now easily answer it. As it stands as I wrote it, he would need to mentally revisit the definitions of consensus and conflict before he could formulate an answer, and if like his Aspie brother he had trouble multitasking mentally, he would need to practice writing down his thought processes in a mind map). It is not unusual for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid to be bright, even to the level of being a gifted genius. But USING it, especially as the work gets more complex - that is the problem. Coaching won't help, if it doesn't address the underlying brain maturity delay. That brain will get there, but it could take years longer than you plan for. Meanwehile he will feel academically frustrated if he fails to find a subject at which he can continue to excel. Your son undoubtedly knows he's bright. Probably also doesn't suffer fools gladly. And now he is struggling, he feels he himself is the fool he despises. What he needs - he has to find what he is still good at, independent of that need for social brain maturity. He needs to feel better about himself and also to know it is not his fault and, especially with some help and hard work, he can improve. It also helped my kids to be told that while Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is technically a disability, it also brings surprising and valuable gifts. To learn more, read up on the work of Tony Attwood, then follow where those connections lead. Also, stick around here and let us know how you get on. There is a lot of help and support here, from so many other parents who have been where you are. Plus your own experiences will be able to in turn help others. Marg [/QUOTE]
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