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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 530777" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know a lot of people with lupus. My mom and I belonged to a lupus support group (they let me be a member even as a teen because I had health problems that felt like lupus but were caused by other stuff and no one knew what) that ten yrs later became lupus and chronic pain support group. In jr high my favorite teacher was diagnosis'd with lupus and scleroderma. It really roced a lot of us. </p><p></p><p>Stress is HUGE in the degree of problems when you have these health problems. HUGE. The relief you felt when he went to the city should tell you something. </p><p></p><p>Your son is NOT the person who should be taking care of you after surgery. You will NOt be able to keep him from sellign your medications and you will NOt be able to reach out and call for help for a long time. This is a VERY dangerous situation and you will likely end up hurt. Either from not having the pain medications because he wanted them to take or sell or because he hurt you or he didn't give you the care you need.</p><p></p><p>WHAT in his behavior of the last year gives you the idea that he will take good care of you while you are sick? He mooched off of anyone he could, he threatens you and intimidates you and takes your things and wants your pain medications. This is NOT a good person to care for another. </p><p></p><p>After the surgery you will problem be operating at leasty physically on the level of a toddler as far as mobility, daily living skills like cooking, etc..... Maybe a 5 or 6yo. This next question needs an HONEST answer.</p><p></p><p>Would you at ANY time right now allow your son to babysit a child overnight for one night? For a few nights? For 2 weeks? The sane answer here is NO! You will be operating at least physically on a level with a younger child. WHY would you trust him with YOU? I know how hard this is. I had a terrible time admitting I needed help after surgery each time I have had it. I hated it all- the help, needing the help, that the person I wanted to help me wasn't able to bc he had to work all day, etc... </p><p></p><p>PLEASE tell your case worker EVERYTHNG and get her to find someone to care for you. Call your church or ANY nearby church and see if their ladies' group will help. I know a lot of churches have people who do this - I used to go with my grandparents to do this kind of thing. You might have to talk to several churches to find one that will help, but you can find help. </p><p></p><p>It is SUPER important to tell your doctor ALL about your son - he can also help find resources to help you. </p><p></p><p>Yes, your son needs help. He won't get it unitl he hits bottom and WANTS it. You cannot make that happen and his bottom is WAY lower than yours. Letting him live iwth you just keeps him sicker because you give him resources to avoid bottom. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE, let your ADULT son take care of himself and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do NOT let him take care of YOU esp when you are at your most vulnerable!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 530777, member: 1233"] I know a lot of people with lupus. My mom and I belonged to a lupus support group (they let me be a member even as a teen because I had health problems that felt like lupus but were caused by other stuff and no one knew what) that ten yrs later became lupus and chronic pain support group. In jr high my favorite teacher was diagnosis'd with lupus and scleroderma. It really roced a lot of us. Stress is HUGE in the degree of problems when you have these health problems. HUGE. The relief you felt when he went to the city should tell you something. Your son is NOT the person who should be taking care of you after surgery. You will NOt be able to keep him from sellign your medications and you will NOt be able to reach out and call for help for a long time. This is a VERY dangerous situation and you will likely end up hurt. Either from not having the pain medications because he wanted them to take or sell or because he hurt you or he didn't give you the care you need. WHAT in his behavior of the last year gives you the idea that he will take good care of you while you are sick? He mooched off of anyone he could, he threatens you and intimidates you and takes your things and wants your pain medications. This is NOT a good person to care for another. After the surgery you will problem be operating at leasty physically on the level of a toddler as far as mobility, daily living skills like cooking, etc..... Maybe a 5 or 6yo. This next question needs an HONEST answer. Would you at ANY time right now allow your son to babysit a child overnight for one night? For a few nights? For 2 weeks? The sane answer here is NO! You will be operating at least physically on a level with a younger child. WHY would you trust him with YOU? I know how hard this is. I had a terrible time admitting I needed help after surgery each time I have had it. I hated it all- the help, needing the help, that the person I wanted to help me wasn't able to bc he had to work all day, etc... PLEASE tell your case worker EVERYTHNG and get her to find someone to care for you. Call your church or ANY nearby church and see if their ladies' group will help. I know a lot of churches have people who do this - I used to go with my grandparents to do this kind of thing. You might have to talk to several churches to find one that will help, but you can find help. It is SUPER important to tell your doctor ALL about your son - he can also help find resources to help you. Yes, your son needs help. He won't get it unitl he hits bottom and WANTS it. You cannot make that happen and his bottom is WAY lower than yours. Letting him live iwth you just keeps him sicker because you give him resources to avoid bottom. PLEASE, let your ADULT son take care of himself and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do NOT let him take care of YOU esp when you are at your most vulnerable!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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