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Parent Emeritus
new here, seeking advice on adult daughter with probable personality disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 582044" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there.</p><p></p><p>When you say she lives in her fantasy world does she just tell tall tales or does she honestly distort reality and think it happened? Either way, she is an adult and there is nothing you can do if she doesn't want to get help. I think sh e is probably asking for trouble by not being up front with her husband. He will find out. You can not make a mentally ill person become rational. She has to want and seek out treatment and try very hard to get better. It's a process, whether she has a personality disorder or a thought disorder. </p><p></p><p>I recommend trying to detach from her. That doesn't mean not love her, but she is too old for you to help. Legally she can do what she wants to do and if she is hard to be around, it may be best for you if you are not so involved in her life. She will crash again and need help and she has her husband now. You need to enjoy your own life, your loved ones who can appreciate you and treat your kindly, and maybe get your own therapist who can help walk you through the process. If she is borderline and does not want help, she will be very difficult to deal with. I believe I had many traits of that when I was younger but I didn't want to be that way and worked liked all crapola to change, with lots of help (I still get help and I'm almost sixty). It is extremely difficult work, but very gratifying to the person when things improve. You may tell her about dialectal behavioral therapy...justg throw it out there. That way she at least knows what to look for if she wants help.</p><p></p><p>Now if she actually gets psychotic, this can happen with borderline, but I never had this and I assume she will need medication.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, this is not your fault and you need to try hard to help yourself and treat yourself well and get on with your life. You will not be able to change her or to make her have a "normal" relationship with you or anyone else. The help she needs is beyond what you can give her and it's up to her. Nagging her, by the way, won't help either. Step back.</p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 582044, member: 1550"] Hi there. When you say she lives in her fantasy world does she just tell tall tales or does she honestly distort reality and think it happened? Either way, she is an adult and there is nothing you can do if she doesn't want to get help. I think sh e is probably asking for trouble by not being up front with her husband. He will find out. You can not make a mentally ill person become rational. She has to want and seek out treatment and try very hard to get better. It's a process, whether she has a personality disorder or a thought disorder. I recommend trying to detach from her. That doesn't mean not love her, but she is too old for you to help. Legally she can do what she wants to do and if she is hard to be around, it may be best for you if you are not so involved in her life. She will crash again and need help and she has her husband now. You need to enjoy your own life, your loved ones who can appreciate you and treat your kindly, and maybe get your own therapist who can help walk you through the process. If she is borderline and does not want help, she will be very difficult to deal with. I believe I had many traits of that when I was younger but I didn't want to be that way and worked liked all crapola to change, with lots of help (I still get help and I'm almost sixty). It is extremely difficult work, but very gratifying to the person when things improve. You may tell her about dialectal behavioral therapy...justg throw it out there. That way she at least knows what to look for if she wants help. Now if she actually gets psychotic, this can happen with borderline, but I never had this and I assume she will need medication. In the meantime, this is not your fault and you need to try hard to help yourself and treat yourself well and get on with your life. You will not be able to change her or to make her have a "normal" relationship with you or anyone else. The help she needs is beyond what you can give her and it's up to her. Nagging her, by the way, won't help either. Step back. Gentle hugs!!!! [/QUOTE]
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new here, seeking advice on adult daughter with probable personality disorder
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