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new here, seeking advice on adult daughter with probable personality disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="PTSDmama" data-source="post: 582853" data-attributes="member: 16002"><p>@PrimaGatto - *HUGS YOU BACK* if yours is anything like mine you need lots of hugs, a sympathetic ear that won't run away screaming and a really big drink. my difficult child just devastates me. and in a world where everyone on the planet blames the parent(s) for a kid's problems, and where your kid blames you for everything - REAL OR IMAGINED - it's hard not to perpetually feel attacked, hated and defensive. it makes meeting a kindred that much more of a relief. at least ONE person knows what this is like and can empathize instead of judge.</p><p></p><p>i'm glad you found your way here. i'm glad i did too. so far every interaction i've had here has been kind, warm and supportive. i spend my time on this site in tears, but they're tears of empathy for others and relief to have found this.</p><p></p><p>my daughter was never a cutter either. she would go to extremes to keep her weight down, including abusing diet pills, and she had suicidal ideology that led to one nearly successful attempt. but overall i wouldn't describe her as a self-harmer. she HAS expressed self-loathing, but it's more typical for her to take the violence of her emotions out on everyone else. she can issue streams of written or verbal ugliness that just leave me breathless. she'll also get obsessive/stalker-ish about it. like, she will go hours, weeks, days, MONTHS with unrelenting written and verbal assaults. i will get a cruel, insulting text every half hour for several days, then it will taper off to just several times a day, but it will go on for weeks or months. in addition there will be abusive e-mails, voice mails, etc. "red zone" for sure.</p><p></p><p>it's hard for me to mentally/emotionally separate, though i work at it and have gotten better at it. my parents and brother were/are abusive toward me, and my daughter and i lived with them for the first 11 years of her life. i wonder how much of her abusive behavior is learned from them. but mental illness also runs in the family. so the whole "nature vs. nurture" question runs through my head all the time.</p><p></p><p>have you read "walking on eggshells" or any of the other Borderline (BPD) books? i read through that, plus a couple others whose names i forget. but i had to stop reading after a while because the prognoses, even with effective mental health care, seemed so frustratingly bleak.</p><p></p><p>@MidwestMom suggested <strong>dialectal behavioral therapy</strong>. that was one of the more hopeful suggestions. i need to look into it more, and then see if it's something i can slip into either my daughter's or my son-in-law's mind.</p><p></p><p>anyway, thank you for replying. i'm sorry you have to go through this too, but i'm glad you're here. sometimes the only sanity we can try to save is our own. *hugs you tight*</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PTSDmama, post: 582853, member: 16002"] @PrimaGatto - *HUGS YOU BACK* if yours is anything like mine you need lots of hugs, a sympathetic ear that won't run away screaming and a really big drink. my difficult child just devastates me. and in a world where everyone on the planet blames the parent(s) for a kid's problems, and where your kid blames you for everything - REAL OR IMAGINED - it's hard not to perpetually feel attacked, hated and defensive. it makes meeting a kindred that much more of a relief. at least ONE person knows what this is like and can empathize instead of judge. i'm glad you found your way here. i'm glad i did too. so far every interaction i've had here has been kind, warm and supportive. i spend my time on this site in tears, but they're tears of empathy for others and relief to have found this. my daughter was never a cutter either. she would go to extremes to keep her weight down, including abusing diet pills, and she had suicidal ideology that led to one nearly successful attempt. but overall i wouldn't describe her as a self-harmer. she HAS expressed self-loathing, but it's more typical for her to take the violence of her emotions out on everyone else. she can issue streams of written or verbal ugliness that just leave me breathless. she'll also get obsessive/stalker-ish about it. like, she will go hours, weeks, days, MONTHS with unrelenting written and verbal assaults. i will get a cruel, insulting text every half hour for several days, then it will taper off to just several times a day, but it will go on for weeks or months. in addition there will be abusive e-mails, voice mails, etc. "red zone" for sure. it's hard for me to mentally/emotionally separate, though i work at it and have gotten better at it. my parents and brother were/are abusive toward me, and my daughter and i lived with them for the first 11 years of her life. i wonder how much of her abusive behavior is learned from them. but mental illness also runs in the family. so the whole "nature vs. nurture" question runs through my head all the time. have you read "walking on eggshells" or any of the other Borderline (BPD) books? i read through that, plus a couple others whose names i forget. but i had to stop reading after a while because the prognoses, even with effective mental health care, seemed so frustratingly bleak. @MidwestMom suggested [B]dialectal behavioral therapy[/B]. that was one of the more hopeful suggestions. i need to look into it more, and then see if it's something i can slip into either my daughter's or my son-in-law's mind. anyway, thank you for replying. i'm sorry you have to go through this too, but i'm glad you're here. sometimes the only sanity we can try to save is our own. *hugs you tight* [/QUOTE]
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