New here. Three year old on a hitting rampage.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crtaylor, Sep 22, 2008.

  1. crtaylor

    crtaylor New Member

    Hi,
    I am new here and need a hug.
    I have a three year old with not particular diagnosis. His father has ADHD and a substance abuse issue. I am anxiety prone and on medications but I do not consider it a major issue.
    Anyhow, my son has been questioning me whether I love him no matter what he does. I said I love you no matter what but I do not like if you do bad things. Well, he has always been a difficult child but for the last 10 days he has been from hell. Hitting his teachers at preschool, biting his sitter, hitting me, throwing things at me, giggling all the while, defiant to every usual daily activity, mean to other kids. Just horrible. If I give him a time out, he hits even more or makes it into a fun run away game. He is wild.
    He has been evaluated by the school. They said they couldn't find anything wrong with him. He is still being evaluated for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). I am not sure he is just not a brat. Nothing seems to get a hook into this kid that this is just not acceptable. I read the Explosive Child, already. I am not convinced he is inflexible. He is more just enjoying being a jerk, it seems to me. He gets wound up and is just uncontrollable sometimes.
    I am so frustrated!
    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi crtaylor, welcome to our forum. It does indeed sound like you need a hug!

    If your child is 3, I'd suggest that you need to go further with evaluations. I do indeed know human beings that enjoy being jerks, but they're 40 and I'd suggest that age 3 is a very, very young age to be assigning such a trait to. For now I suggest that you give him the benefit of the doubt and explore other possibilities. School districts can indeed be helpful, but they are not medical professionals.

    Besides the wild uncontrollable behavior, is there anything at all going on developmentally with him? Did the assessment team discuss anything of concern at all?

    Did they offer services such as Special Education preschool--I would say not functioning in a regular preschool setting should count for something.

    Have there been any changes at home or school that corresponded to his worsening behavior?
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Three year olds are too young to be deliberate jerks. Has he ever been evaluated? I prefer NeuroPsychs for testing (they do hours and hours of it and check every aspect of a child's functioning). Sounds like something is up with him--he could have a mood disorder or be on the autism spectrum--I'd check it out and get in into early education with your school district. But I don't think your child is a normal kid just trying to ruin your life, even though it may seem that way. Has he started any new medication? THat can escalate hyper kids.
     
  4. Carey

    Carey crazy mom of two boys

    Hi-
    {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}
    Your story sounds like my son a few months ago....how long has he been doing this stuff for? Is he really intelligent? because sometimes I swear kids who are bored tend to victimize others to mix things up, create a little excitement. I used to think my son was twisted and vindictive because he used to do those things....but getting a reaction seems to liven things up for him, and I couldn't "ignore" physical violence in order to prevent him getting any attention...

    What I ended up doing was being very quick to isolate him (and I know this sounds bad but I would hold the door shut until he remained in there on jis own...very hard to do...he broke a few doors...took us months!) when he acted like that. There are no toys in his room. I took away things and priviledges when he would act up, and isolate him for a half hour to an hour sometimes. Then we had a "Good Boy" jar where he could earn a quarter every time he did something nice to someone else, and when he had enough $$ he could do something fun or buy something. I just kept telling him: "We are NOT a hitting family!" He seems to have improved for now...but every few months he changes it up, escalates, etc. Right now he's not bored because he's started preschool, and he's a perfect angel at home almost...we'll see how he is in a few weeks when he's bored....

    Hope that advice helps...how is he doing today?
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

    I would first go to the bookstore and get a copy of The Explosive Child by ross Green AND a Copy of Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.

    Then I owuld start setting up some evaluations. Start with the pediatrician. Wiz, my oldest, would do exactly this kindof thing if he was ill. He couldn't tell me he hurt, or where he hurt even though he was already reading chapter books and very smart. He just wasn't able to tell us he hurt.

    After the pediatrician, go to the psychiatrist (with the md) and a developmental pediatrician to start evaluations. Go the our Special Education forum to find out how best to get the school to do evaluations. It is important to send requests in writing by certified mail to put timelines and protections in place.

    I am sorry. This kind of thing just stinnks.

    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
     
  6. crtaylor

    crtaylor New Member

    Thank you for all your input.
    He is quite bright, no language or physical delays in anyway. Definitely not autistic.

    He is going to an integrated school program. The teacher there says he is strong willed. He hit a teacher there for not getting his way. She has not given me formal feedback yet, just told me how things were going there.

    I cannot give this kid a traditional time out. It either is enjoyable to him (Let's play the runaway game!!!) or he becomes even more combative and aggressive if he is freaked out to begin with. If I count, it just escalates the situation.

    I am afraid to take him out in public because the last time we were at my mother's house he punched my niece in the head and ran around the front yard to prevent having to get into the car.

    I am starting occupational therapy next week. I need some way to keep this kid calm. He freaks if he doesn't get his way or even if he is too stimulated.

    Has anyone done neurofeedback? There is someone where I live who will do a LENS technique. Does anyone know anything about this?
     
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