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New here, would appreciate commiseration :)
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<blockquote data-quote="Jinxy" data-source="post: 216887" data-attributes="member: 6409"><p>Thanks so much everyone!</p><p></p><p>So much to reply to, what a nice community....</p><p></p><p>She has been suspended in school and out, although more in than out. And I will say this, they are very strict in her middle school. They have a program they call time out-which is prolly more for the teacher's sanity than anything. They can send the student to this anytime they feel like they need to discipline and basically get the child out of their face for the class period. Talking back, disruption, lack of homework, and cutting class are all routine offenses sent to time out. Once you get 3 time outs you can have one of a few consequences-ISS, OSS, or Saturday school. Yes, going to school on Saturday-just like on the breakfast club, which I can say my daughter has been to a few sessions....3 I think. And judging by all the cars I see when I have to go pick her up, she isnt the only one. <sigh> Ever know someone that no matter what they did, they always got caught at it, even with a full proof plan? Thats her.</p><p></p><p>My pregnancy with her was a nice one actually. No big weight gain or complications. Although I may have needed to join a research study on the long term effects of the over use of TUMS...the heartburn was insane. Delivery began normal enough, as a potential VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) but after almost two hours of pushing she decided that the hole her brother made was more to her liking and ruptured my c-section scar. I dont remember much other than being rushed in the OR and an hour or so later the staff telling me I had a baby girl and everything was fine. Whoopteedo, I thought. I'm beat. She had no O2 deprivation and her apgar scores were 9/10. Breastfed her for almost 8 months, and we both loved it.</p><p></p><p>Early development was on track, if not maybe a little early. Except for her teeth she finally got her first tooth at just shy of 12 months. When she began talking she was fairly articulate, but then again her brother was as well so it wasn't much of a surprise. Both of my kids are tested as gifted but I highly suspect her of being smarter than him. He is content to be that smart kid, but she wants to be better. It's apparent in her school work and the ease at which she completes it. So I am not really concerned with her intellectually, or academically. (And its not bragging when I say they got their smarts from me, I wrote my ex-husbands senior paper so he would graduate...what an idiot thing to do on my part now that I look back LOL)</p><p></p><p>I guess at this point I should include that her biological father was mean, cruel to be exact. Anger issues that even the navy ordered him to go to classes to help him. It finally got to a point that I was grateful when he would go out to sea. Then he got shore duty and cross trained to be an MP. That was when I finally knew I couldn't live like that forever. I then saw my children exhibiting our dysfunctional behaviors. My son would hit or be mean to her and she would take it. As frightening as it was, I got us out of there. Incidentally, he is now on his 3rd marriage but I never talked bad about him to them, or let them see my hurt or anger towards him. He comes and goes as far as his contact with them (the Navy has a way with making sure of that, thank you Uncle Sam) I have a cordial relationship with him, but the things I could reveal to them about their father wouldn't bring any happiness to anyone, so its just left unsaid.</p><p></p><p>My daughter can almost recite verbatim my mantra to her-I'm not here to be your friend, I'll have many years to be your friend when you are grown. I'm here to be your mom and if that means you hate me then so be it. Hate me all you want I dont mind. It would be a lot easier on me to give up but I love you very much and if I didnt love you as much as I do I wouldn't care about what you do or what happens to you.</p><p></p><p>Let me assure you I am not the worlds most patient of parents as earlier this summer we had what I call a "come to Jesus meeting" We started arguing. She threw a glass of water at her door. She was running her mouth as per the norm, and I lost it. I smacked her mouth. Then I guess it got good to me and she got an old fashioned butt busting. Yep my then 12 year old got spanked. A lot. But wait, when it was over apparently it wasn't enough for me so I felt the need to lecture. and lecture. She got really angry when I then told her to get me some paper towels to clean up the water she spilled. Thats when she lost it. Instead of bringing me paper towels she brought the biggest kitchen knife in the block. I was like, ok, I know I can take her but someone is gonna get cut. She threatened me with it but gave me the knife, without either of us getting physical. I called her bluff I think and thankfully she isn't that crazy. She cried and cried afterwards and said she was so sorry for what she had done. Hell, we both cried. And talked. I told my husband about it, a few days later. I needed everything to be calm and cool without adding his shock and anger into the mix. It turned out to be a good thing because she remembered who the boss was in all of that. The therapist said she prolly needed that, a release of power so to speak. Nothing on that level has happened since...knock on wood.</p><p></p><p>I know she isn't gonna be perfect, and I would be worried if she was. She isn't ADD/ADHD, and can focus on anything she puts her mind to. If I thought some medication would be something to 'fix her' I'd certainly give it a shot, but everyone professional and otherwise tells me its all normal. And yes her lying is what bothers me the most. It almost seems pathological, but I just dont know. </p><p></p><p>MamaBear thanks for giving me hope. </p><p></p><p>I asked her tonight why does she embellish so much, and was it to appear more interesting to her peers and she said yes. Ugh, I think she would be a lot more interesting without soap opera drama...I would like to see her being more social with people instead the computer and the phone, more spending the night at friends maybe. Anything with more interests outside of the boyfriend and myspace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jinxy, post: 216887, member: 6409"] Thanks so much everyone! So much to reply to, what a nice community.... She has been suspended in school and out, although more in than out. And I will say this, they are very strict in her middle school. They have a program they call time out-which is prolly more for the teacher's sanity than anything. They can send the student to this anytime they feel like they need to discipline and basically get the child out of their face for the class period. Talking back, disruption, lack of homework, and cutting class are all routine offenses sent to time out. Once you get 3 time outs you can have one of a few consequences-ISS, OSS, or Saturday school. Yes, going to school on Saturday-just like on the breakfast club, which I can say my daughter has been to a few sessions....3 I think. And judging by all the cars I see when I have to go pick her up, she isnt the only one. <sigh> Ever know someone that no matter what they did, they always got caught at it, even with a full proof plan? Thats her. My pregnancy with her was a nice one actually. No big weight gain or complications. Although I may have needed to join a research study on the long term effects of the over use of TUMS...the heartburn was insane. Delivery began normal enough, as a potential VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) but after almost two hours of pushing she decided that the hole her brother made was more to her liking and ruptured my c-section scar. I dont remember much other than being rushed in the OR and an hour or so later the staff telling me I had a baby girl and everything was fine. Whoopteedo, I thought. I'm beat. She had no O2 deprivation and her apgar scores were 9/10. Breastfed her for almost 8 months, and we both loved it. Early development was on track, if not maybe a little early. Except for her teeth she finally got her first tooth at just shy of 12 months. When she began talking she was fairly articulate, but then again her brother was as well so it wasn't much of a surprise. Both of my kids are tested as gifted but I highly suspect her of being smarter than him. He is content to be that smart kid, but she wants to be better. It's apparent in her school work and the ease at which she completes it. So I am not really concerned with her intellectually, or academically. (And its not bragging when I say they got their smarts from me, I wrote my ex-husbands senior paper so he would graduate...what an idiot thing to do on my part now that I look back LOL) I guess at this point I should include that her biological father was mean, cruel to be exact. Anger issues that even the navy ordered him to go to classes to help him. It finally got to a point that I was grateful when he would go out to sea. Then he got shore duty and cross trained to be an MP. That was when I finally knew I couldn't live like that forever. I then saw my children exhibiting our dysfunctional behaviors. My son would hit or be mean to her and she would take it. As frightening as it was, I got us out of there. Incidentally, he is now on his 3rd marriage but I never talked bad about him to them, or let them see my hurt or anger towards him. He comes and goes as far as his contact with them (the Navy has a way with making sure of that, thank you Uncle Sam) I have a cordial relationship with him, but the things I could reveal to them about their father wouldn't bring any happiness to anyone, so its just left unsaid. My daughter can almost recite verbatim my mantra to her-I'm not here to be your friend, I'll have many years to be your friend when you are grown. I'm here to be your mom and if that means you hate me then so be it. Hate me all you want I dont mind. It would be a lot easier on me to give up but I love you very much and if I didnt love you as much as I do I wouldn't care about what you do or what happens to you. Let me assure you I am not the worlds most patient of parents as earlier this summer we had what I call a "come to Jesus meeting" We started arguing. She threw a glass of water at her door. She was running her mouth as per the norm, and I lost it. I smacked her mouth. Then I guess it got good to me and she got an old fashioned butt busting. Yep my then 12 year old got spanked. A lot. But wait, when it was over apparently it wasn't enough for me so I felt the need to lecture. and lecture. She got really angry when I then told her to get me some paper towels to clean up the water she spilled. Thats when she lost it. Instead of bringing me paper towels she brought the biggest kitchen knife in the block. I was like, ok, I know I can take her but someone is gonna get cut. She threatened me with it but gave me the knife, without either of us getting physical. I called her bluff I think and thankfully she isn't that crazy. She cried and cried afterwards and said she was so sorry for what she had done. Hell, we both cried. And talked. I told my husband about it, a few days later. I needed everything to be calm and cool without adding his shock and anger into the mix. It turned out to be a good thing because she remembered who the boss was in all of that. The therapist said she prolly needed that, a release of power so to speak. Nothing on that level has happened since...knock on wood. I know she isn't gonna be perfect, and I would be worried if she was. She isn't ADD/ADHD, and can focus on anything she puts her mind to. If I thought some medication would be something to 'fix her' I'd certainly give it a shot, but everyone professional and otherwise tells me its all normal. And yes her lying is what bothers me the most. It almost seems pathological, but I just dont know. MamaBear thanks for giving me hope. I asked her tonight why does she embellish so much, and was it to appear more interesting to her peers and she said yes. Ugh, I think she would be a lot more interesting without soap opera drama...I would like to see her being more social with people instead the computer and the phone, more spending the night at friends maybe. Anything with more interests outside of the boyfriend and myspace. [/QUOTE]
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