Jinxy
New Member
Morning all, I have found this site quite by accident after googling some issues I am having with my daughter, the creature trying to be the bane of my existence, my baby who was the quiet one, and the bringer of all things argumentative. Warning, this will be along post-read at your own peril.
Little background-am almost 38 medical professional, married to an almost 38 year old electrician. Second marriage, have two children from previous marriage. We've been together since 1998 but only married since '02. My kids are like night and day. My son was a loud, sickly colicky baby who once he turn 12 months old shut up and has been a quiet introvert ever since. My daughter on the other hand was a mellow, easy going baby who at 12 months opened her mouth to scream and it hasn't shut since.
The boy cub is now 18, moved in with his biological father this past summer to attend college and came out to me as being gay when he was 17. (of course that is a whole other post...) We have a fairly good relationship. He is cerebral and witty. I didn't like him in Middle school but my boy has been returned from the pod people since then. He still is a selfish young person but that is what young people are; but I love him and he knows it.
My difficult child as you lovingly call them...my youngest...the girl...13 going on 40. God help me. She is on her last year of middle school and I feel like if we can live through this maybe the pod people will return my baby girl back to me. She is strong willed and confident-outwardly. But lacks self esteem and requires a lot of repeated assurances on her worth. She is extremely smart and has wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I can remember. (That scares me because she is gonna be a damn good one) I once thought that she was schizophrenic while she was in the first grade due to her telling me she heard voices, a few suspensions for fighting and an out of the blue aggression that destroyed a neighbors flowerbed. After therapy, we discovered her emotional maturity was far behind her intellectual maturity. She was frustrated without means to express her feelings as she wanted is how it was explained to me. Lying was an issue, but calmed down. Then puberty hit.
Fast forward to middle school. I'm gonna lay it all out here. She lies constantly, but not just to us-and truthfully thats mainly just piddly stuff. Did you eat the cookies? No. Did you take my hair spray? No. But alas, my husband is bald, there are wrappers in her room, and her brother doesn't live here anymore. Unless the chihuahuas have evolved opposable thumbs...hello duh...anyways, she is constantly telling her friends all kinds of lies and stirring up drama for whatever reasons. She tells her friends that my husband hit me and left us for an ex wife. (I saw this on an instant messenger log) She has lied to me about being bulimic-which I found out after I took her into therapy again. it's almost as if she feels like she has to jazz up her life to make it seem more interesting to others. She lies about places she has been, languages she can speak; it's just bizarre to me. Her attitude and mouth are her downfall. If I could just get her brain to react as quickly as that mouth of hers...maybe even override it would be bliss.
I have her myspace password-that was a condition for her getting her internet back after she hacked onto her ex-best friends profile page and deleted stuff, made her an overweight drug addict and various other dumb things. This was after she had lost the internet for a few months. I hate myspace but now-a-days it is as part of teens lives as our bikes and the convenient stores were to ours.
She is totally fretful about her weight and size. She was a chunky little girl but puberty has fixed that. She is very pretty, and is either very conceited and wants to be told that all the time by everyone or thinks the opposite and can't see the forest for the trees. She has a boyfriend. He is 14. They have been together since 2-7-08 (trust me I know the date, ugh).
Now get this-even with all this I have a wonderful relationship with her. We talk, she tells me about the mess that goes on with her friends, for the most part. She does leave out things, of course. She can tell me pretty much everything. Like the time she and the boyfriend 'did it but it didn't last but for a few minutes'...that was late this summer. That was a major omg moment for me. Sex means nothing to kids anymore. Long story short my husband went over to the boys house and had a long conversation with his parents. Thankfully, the boy wasnt home but at an aunts house. There will not be any opportunity for this to occur again, at least not on our watch-not for a very long time at least. My husband has asked her not to cause him to go to jail over her because he would. We took her to get the morning after pill and incidentally the boy paid for half of it-his idea. Up until recently, the only time they got to see each other was at school. We have allowed supervised visitation at a school dance recently. So far, so good.
If there was ever an argument for the nature versus nurture thing, I have it. She is identical to my husband in respect to needing to have the last word, being right, and in temperament. She has been suspended numerous times. Insubordination for the most part. She got suspended once because the gym teachers were chatting making the class late for lunch. My daughter the police of the world according to her yelled just loud enough to become Moses of the middle school by saying -let my mother xxxxxxx people go to lunch. Nice. Thats just one example.
For the most part I know a lot of this is the age of the teen in todays society. But for others I would love to place some blame on some affliction du jour. She can be mean as a snake, and as sweet as pie. We stopped therapy because I think it became more therapy for me than her, and I think she used it as a means to somehow spotlight her plight in her social realm-Mom makes me go to therapy. Come on girl, xxx?
Sorry this is as long as it is and even then I have left lots out but still it was rather cathartic to place some of it down. So thanks if you made it to the end. I hope me and my family will do the same
Little background-am almost 38 medical professional, married to an almost 38 year old electrician. Second marriage, have two children from previous marriage. We've been together since 1998 but only married since '02. My kids are like night and day. My son was a loud, sickly colicky baby who once he turn 12 months old shut up and has been a quiet introvert ever since. My daughter on the other hand was a mellow, easy going baby who at 12 months opened her mouth to scream and it hasn't shut since.
The boy cub is now 18, moved in with his biological father this past summer to attend college and came out to me as being gay when he was 17. (of course that is a whole other post...) We have a fairly good relationship. He is cerebral and witty. I didn't like him in Middle school but my boy has been returned from the pod people since then. He still is a selfish young person but that is what young people are; but I love him and he knows it.
My difficult child as you lovingly call them...my youngest...the girl...13 going on 40. God help me. She is on her last year of middle school and I feel like if we can live through this maybe the pod people will return my baby girl back to me. She is strong willed and confident-outwardly. But lacks self esteem and requires a lot of repeated assurances on her worth. She is extremely smart and has wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I can remember. (That scares me because she is gonna be a damn good one) I once thought that she was schizophrenic while she was in the first grade due to her telling me she heard voices, a few suspensions for fighting and an out of the blue aggression that destroyed a neighbors flowerbed. After therapy, we discovered her emotional maturity was far behind her intellectual maturity. She was frustrated without means to express her feelings as she wanted is how it was explained to me. Lying was an issue, but calmed down. Then puberty hit.
Fast forward to middle school. I'm gonna lay it all out here. She lies constantly, but not just to us-and truthfully thats mainly just piddly stuff. Did you eat the cookies? No. Did you take my hair spray? No. But alas, my husband is bald, there are wrappers in her room, and her brother doesn't live here anymore. Unless the chihuahuas have evolved opposable thumbs...hello duh...anyways, she is constantly telling her friends all kinds of lies and stirring up drama for whatever reasons. She tells her friends that my husband hit me and left us for an ex wife. (I saw this on an instant messenger log) She has lied to me about being bulimic-which I found out after I took her into therapy again. it's almost as if she feels like she has to jazz up her life to make it seem more interesting to others. She lies about places she has been, languages she can speak; it's just bizarre to me. Her attitude and mouth are her downfall. If I could just get her brain to react as quickly as that mouth of hers...maybe even override it would be bliss.
I have her myspace password-that was a condition for her getting her internet back after she hacked onto her ex-best friends profile page and deleted stuff, made her an overweight drug addict and various other dumb things. This was after she had lost the internet for a few months. I hate myspace but now-a-days it is as part of teens lives as our bikes and the convenient stores were to ours.
She is totally fretful about her weight and size. She was a chunky little girl but puberty has fixed that. She is very pretty, and is either very conceited and wants to be told that all the time by everyone or thinks the opposite and can't see the forest for the trees. She has a boyfriend. He is 14. They have been together since 2-7-08 (trust me I know the date, ugh).
Now get this-even with all this I have a wonderful relationship with her. We talk, she tells me about the mess that goes on with her friends, for the most part. She does leave out things, of course. She can tell me pretty much everything. Like the time she and the boyfriend 'did it but it didn't last but for a few minutes'...that was late this summer. That was a major omg moment for me. Sex means nothing to kids anymore. Long story short my husband went over to the boys house and had a long conversation with his parents. Thankfully, the boy wasnt home but at an aunts house. There will not be any opportunity for this to occur again, at least not on our watch-not for a very long time at least. My husband has asked her not to cause him to go to jail over her because he would. We took her to get the morning after pill and incidentally the boy paid for half of it-his idea. Up until recently, the only time they got to see each other was at school. We have allowed supervised visitation at a school dance recently. So far, so good.
If there was ever an argument for the nature versus nurture thing, I have it. She is identical to my husband in respect to needing to have the last word, being right, and in temperament. She has been suspended numerous times. Insubordination for the most part. She got suspended once because the gym teachers were chatting making the class late for lunch. My daughter the police of the world according to her yelled just loud enough to become Moses of the middle school by saying -let my mother xxxxxxx people go to lunch. Nice. Thats just one example.
For the most part I know a lot of this is the age of the teen in todays society. But for others I would love to place some blame on some affliction du jour. She can be mean as a snake, and as sweet as pie. We stopped therapy because I think it became more therapy for me than her, and I think she used it as a means to somehow spotlight her plight in her social realm-Mom makes me go to therapy. Come on girl, xxx?
Sorry this is as long as it is and even then I have left lots out but still it was rather cathartic to place some of it down. So thanks if you made it to the end. I hope me and my family will do the same
