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new here... y is my daughter like this? Social skills are off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 346311" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Has anyone suggested Asperger's Syndrome? Or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. While we can't diagnose here (nobody could diagnose long-distance and we're not even officially qualified) I do feel it's worth you doing some digging on this topic and asking whoever sees your daughter, about this possibility.</p><p></p><p>If it's Asperger's then that could explain why she is socially inappropriate - they are lacking the "social sense" which for everybody else makes it easier to pick up social skills as they go along. But with Aspies, they need to be formally taught how to interact with lots of role play and supervision.</p><p></p><p>You say you feel she just can't help it - you could be right. And if you try to deal with a problem using discipline, and the child is unable to give you the behaviour you want because she simply doesn't 'get it', then all you are doing with punishment, is punishing her for being herself.</p><p></p><p>of course she can't be allowed to carry on hurting people and being inappropriate, but there is a happy medium. She needs to be supported and supervised, helped to interact more appropriately.</p><p></p><p>For example, if you are present when she is playing and you see her doing something wrong, you stop her. You try to avoid saying, "Don't do that," because you end up saying "no" all the time, all you ever seem to say is "don't." Instead, you turn it around and say, "Do it this way." Rehearse it with her. For example, her rough play with the dog - re-introduce the dog only under your direct supervision. Show her (gently, on her) how it feels to the dog, to receive her treatment. Then immediately show her the right way to approach the dog. Ask her how it feels from her point of view, to be patted like she should pat the dog. If she doesn't like it, ask her why but also try to get across - the dog likes to be patted, the dog likes to feel safe. And if she's hitting the dog, even if she thinks she's only playing, it's not how the dog perceives it.</p><p>Teach her to recognise doggy body language. Maybe even draw some pictures of dog body language and then get her to watch the dog and identify the dog's feelings, from how it is acting. Then show her how she can make the dog happy.</p><p></p><p>Like training a puppy, keep these training sessions short and finish on a positive note.</p><p></p><p>This may help her learn faster, than your current methods. What you are currently doing is fine, if your child doesn't have social dysfunction or other issues. But she does have these problems and simply isn't able to learn as well, the way you're currently doing it. This is not your fault, it's not her fault. it just IS.</p><p></p><p>On this site a lot of us recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's not a cure, but it can help you understand how seeing the world through your child's eyes can be unexpected.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site. Help is here. Your daughter sounds a lot like my kids.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 346311, member: 1991"] Has anyone suggested Asperger's Syndrome? Or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. While we can't diagnose here (nobody could diagnose long-distance and we're not even officially qualified) I do feel it's worth you doing some digging on this topic and asking whoever sees your daughter, about this possibility. If it's Asperger's then that could explain why she is socially inappropriate - they are lacking the "social sense" which for everybody else makes it easier to pick up social skills as they go along. But with Aspies, they need to be formally taught how to interact with lots of role play and supervision. You say you feel she just can't help it - you could be right. And if you try to deal with a problem using discipline, and the child is unable to give you the behaviour you want because she simply doesn't 'get it', then all you are doing with punishment, is punishing her for being herself. of course she can't be allowed to carry on hurting people and being inappropriate, but there is a happy medium. She needs to be supported and supervised, helped to interact more appropriately. For example, if you are present when she is playing and you see her doing something wrong, you stop her. You try to avoid saying, "Don't do that," because you end up saying "no" all the time, all you ever seem to say is "don't." Instead, you turn it around and say, "Do it this way." Rehearse it with her. For example, her rough play with the dog - re-introduce the dog only under your direct supervision. Show her (gently, on her) how it feels to the dog, to receive her treatment. Then immediately show her the right way to approach the dog. Ask her how it feels from her point of view, to be patted like she should pat the dog. If she doesn't like it, ask her why but also try to get across - the dog likes to be patted, the dog likes to feel safe. And if she's hitting the dog, even if she thinks she's only playing, it's not how the dog perceives it. Teach her to recognise doggy body language. Maybe even draw some pictures of dog body language and then get her to watch the dog and identify the dog's feelings, from how it is acting. Then show her how she can make the dog happy. Like training a puppy, keep these training sessions short and finish on a positive note. This may help her learn faster, than your current methods. What you are currently doing is fine, if your child doesn't have social dysfunction or other issues. But she does have these problems and simply isn't able to learn as well, the way you're currently doing it. This is not your fault, it's not her fault. it just IS. On this site a lot of us recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's not a cure, but it can help you understand how seeing the world through your child's eyes can be unexpected. Welcome to the site. Help is here. Your daughter sounds a lot like my kids. Marg [/QUOTE]
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new here... y is my daughter like this? Social skills are off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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