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new here... y is my daughter like this? Social skills are off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 346477" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>How to manage - it really depends on each child and how they present. As I said in the post on IQ tests above, you use that information to help your kids. </p><p></p><p>For example, the result we got on difficult child 1 that I first mentioned - he scored ridiculously high in Verbal Performance and very low in Coding. We also knew he had/has problems mentally multi-tasking (difficult child 3 doesn't have this problem) and this was really hampering difficult child 1. So we put several things in place to help him. </p><p></p><p>First, we found ways to help difficult child 1 manage complex multi-step mental tasks. For example, he couldn't summarise texts well, because it required him to hold several ideas in his head at once and then manipulate information. So we introduced him to mind-mapping as a technique. It's also called clustering, it's an Edward de Bono thing. We found that this helped him put his ideas, one at a time, onto paper in an informal way. He would then continue to add his thoughts and follow them on from one to the next, writing each down as he went. At the end of the process he could look back over his page, now quite complex with lines connecting words and ideas that were related, and begin his writing task from there.</p><p>For his final school studies, difficult child 1 had to be able to write essays - almost impossible for him. But using various techniques, including mind-mapping A LOT, and also repetition and drill (thanks to difficult child 1's teachers) we got him through with a good pass.</p><p>Also immediately following that IQ test when difficult child 1 was 15, we talked to his psychiatrist about how to investigate that low Coding score a bit further - what exactly was the problem? It was way too soon to repeat IQ testing so we took his current scores and went to a neuropsychologist who focussed on more detailed (fine-tuning) testing in the Coding area, which is to do with transferring data from one place to another. One finding was - difficult child 1 had problems with his eyesight. We were referred to an optometrist who specialised in kids with learning problems. It turned out that in difficult child 1's case, he had very tight eye muscles with a lot of 'toe-in". This is a common problem these days with kids doing a lot more close work (use of computers) and a lot less outdoors.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, that's what we did for difficult child 1. As a consequence, we took the other kids to the educational optometrist as well; he prescribed glasses for everybody but they were different for each depending on what he found. </p><p></p><p>What we do is different for each kid, depending on where their strengths are as well as their weaknesses. difficult child 1 was interested in animals (especially birds) and I did my darndest trying to head him towards a career with animals. I got him a volunteer job with a local zoo and got him into courses dealing with animals. We eventually got him into a zoo-keeping course, but it was run so badly, he couldn't manage it so he had to drop out. At that point he decided he wanted to work with his hands and began his search for an apprenticeship. He's now working for a kitchen company and says they're possibly going to give him an apprenticeship.We have him registered with an employment agency that specialises in finding jobs and careers for people with a disability.</p><p></p><p>I feel bad that we took so long to put supports in place for difficult child 1 - we just didn't know what we could do, early enough. We had no supports in place for easy child 2/difficult child 2 - she was our genius child who we accelerated into school. When she had problems later on we began coaching her in her trickier subjects. She also showed an amazing aptitude for balance and happened to learn how to walk on stilts at after-school care; so we did our best to push her performing career along because she seemed to be interested.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 - we've made our mistakes with the older kids. I found this site when difficult child 1 was in Grade 5 (and really struggling, I was ready to throttle his teacher). I had some challenging decisions to make and not enough courage. This site gave me the confidence to make these decisions and to really insist, often in the face of some rather nasty opposition and dirty tricks from the local Dept of Ed.</p><p></p><p>All through this, we have done our best to give our kids the confidence to recognise their weak points but to really value their strengths. difficult child 3 was recently interviewed by the Sunday Night program on Channel 7 (Australia) and they asked him how he felt about being autistic. He replied that yes, some things are harder for him, but other things he is way better at. He said, "If other people look at two things which are 97% the same, they see the similarity. But I can look at them and immediately identify the 3% that is different."</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 has said to us that his obsessionality with perfection and fine detail has paid off in his work - a recent job had him working in the sanding booth of a furniture manufacture place. They put difficult child 1 in the sanding booth because his clever fingers could find almost imperceptible flaws in the finish, zero in on them and quickly fix them. They had difficult child 1 checking over the sanding work of senior apprentices.</p><p></p><p>Our kids love doing certain things - so we encourage them and take them wherever they need to go. That is our parental investment in our kids' futures. The girls loved to sing, so they joined Australian Youth Choir which necessitated one of us parents waiting, often for hours, after each weekly rehearsal. easy child 2/difficult child 2 did acting classes on the other side of Sydney. She began working for a "carnie" we met at one of her performances, I went along too (as chaperone) and found myself learning how to face paint one day when the carnie got left without staff. There's nothing like having a tent full of kids wanting a face paint job, when the only ones there are you (a total novice) and your daughter (another total novice) and a table groaning with (thankfully) some high quality face paints, to learn FAST! As a result, easy child 2/difficult child 2 & I now can work individually or in tandem, as face painters. And as a result form there, she has moved towards a career working with children. She is now in her final year of a child care diploma at evening college.</p><p></p><p>I can't tell you what your child needs. But I can tell you, that even without a diagnosis, if you LISTEN to your child, study test scores too, then think, talk to your child - you will work things out for yourself.</p><p></p><p>You must have faith in yourself as a parent, and not allow yourself to be browbeaten by educators with their own agenda (often to save themselves trouble and money). You invest in your child (time, and costs of various courses) and let your child know that although you find their behaviour at times challenging, you love your child always, no matter what. There will be times when you don't like your child very much, times when your child will scream, "I hate you!" but these activities and courses - never cancel them as punishment. Tell yourself, they are vital therapy and training.</p><p></p><p>Try to avoid punishment, instead use incentives and reward. Also once you have a better understanding of why your child is being difficult (and this is where diagnosis comes in) then you will be more able to be understanding, and handle your child with less exasperation and more sympathy.</p><p></p><p>Your child is undoubtedly wanting to do the right thing. Motivated, for sure. Not always able to do the right thing, because first they have to fully understand how to respond socially, often at a sophisticated level. And also because they have problems with impulse control and if they get provoked too far, they will rage. Afterwards (especially if you don't rage back) they will realise they were out of line. They do know. But they generally need to calm down first, before you try to get your point across.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps, Jessica.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 346477, member: 1991"] How to manage - it really depends on each child and how they present. As I said in the post on IQ tests above, you use that information to help your kids. For example, the result we got on difficult child 1 that I first mentioned - he scored ridiculously high in Verbal Performance and very low in Coding. We also knew he had/has problems mentally multi-tasking (difficult child 3 doesn't have this problem) and this was really hampering difficult child 1. So we put several things in place to help him. First, we found ways to help difficult child 1 manage complex multi-step mental tasks. For example, he couldn't summarise texts well, because it required him to hold several ideas in his head at once and then manipulate information. So we introduced him to mind-mapping as a technique. It's also called clustering, it's an Edward de Bono thing. We found that this helped him put his ideas, one at a time, onto paper in an informal way. He would then continue to add his thoughts and follow them on from one to the next, writing each down as he went. At the end of the process he could look back over his page, now quite complex with lines connecting words and ideas that were related, and begin his writing task from there. For his final school studies, difficult child 1 had to be able to write essays - almost impossible for him. But using various techniques, including mind-mapping A LOT, and also repetition and drill (thanks to difficult child 1's teachers) we got him through with a good pass. Also immediately following that IQ test when difficult child 1 was 15, we talked to his psychiatrist about how to investigate that low Coding score a bit further - what exactly was the problem? It was way too soon to repeat IQ testing so we took his current scores and went to a neuropsychologist who focussed on more detailed (fine-tuning) testing in the Coding area, which is to do with transferring data from one place to another. One finding was - difficult child 1 had problems with his eyesight. We were referred to an optometrist who specialised in kids with learning problems. It turned out that in difficult child 1's case, he had very tight eye muscles with a lot of 'toe-in". This is a common problem these days with kids doing a lot more close work (use of computers) and a lot less outdoors. Anyway, that's what we did for difficult child 1. As a consequence, we took the other kids to the educational optometrist as well; he prescribed glasses for everybody but they were different for each depending on what he found. What we do is different for each kid, depending on where their strengths are as well as their weaknesses. difficult child 1 was interested in animals (especially birds) and I did my darndest trying to head him towards a career with animals. I got him a volunteer job with a local zoo and got him into courses dealing with animals. We eventually got him into a zoo-keeping course, but it was run so badly, he couldn't manage it so he had to drop out. At that point he decided he wanted to work with his hands and began his search for an apprenticeship. He's now working for a kitchen company and says they're possibly going to give him an apprenticeship.We have him registered with an employment agency that specialises in finding jobs and careers for people with a disability. I feel bad that we took so long to put supports in place for difficult child 1 - we just didn't know what we could do, early enough. We had no supports in place for easy child 2/difficult child 2 - she was our genius child who we accelerated into school. When she had problems later on we began coaching her in her trickier subjects. She also showed an amazing aptitude for balance and happened to learn how to walk on stilts at after-school care; so we did our best to push her performing career along because she seemed to be interested. difficult child 3 - we've made our mistakes with the older kids. I found this site when difficult child 1 was in Grade 5 (and really struggling, I was ready to throttle his teacher). I had some challenging decisions to make and not enough courage. This site gave me the confidence to make these decisions and to really insist, often in the face of some rather nasty opposition and dirty tricks from the local Dept of Ed. All through this, we have done our best to give our kids the confidence to recognise their weak points but to really value their strengths. difficult child 3 was recently interviewed by the Sunday Night program on Channel 7 (Australia) and they asked him how he felt about being autistic. He replied that yes, some things are harder for him, but other things he is way better at. He said, "If other people look at two things which are 97% the same, they see the similarity. But I can look at them and immediately identify the 3% that is different." difficult child 1 has said to us that his obsessionality with perfection and fine detail has paid off in his work - a recent job had him working in the sanding booth of a furniture manufacture place. They put difficult child 1 in the sanding booth because his clever fingers could find almost imperceptible flaws in the finish, zero in on them and quickly fix them. They had difficult child 1 checking over the sanding work of senior apprentices. Our kids love doing certain things - so we encourage them and take them wherever they need to go. That is our parental investment in our kids' futures. The girls loved to sing, so they joined Australian Youth Choir which necessitated one of us parents waiting, often for hours, after each weekly rehearsal. easy child 2/difficult child 2 did acting classes on the other side of Sydney. She began working for a "carnie" we met at one of her performances, I went along too (as chaperone) and found myself learning how to face paint one day when the carnie got left without staff. There's nothing like having a tent full of kids wanting a face paint job, when the only ones there are you (a total novice) and your daughter (another total novice) and a table groaning with (thankfully) some high quality face paints, to learn FAST! As a result, easy child 2/difficult child 2 & I now can work individually or in tandem, as face painters. And as a result form there, she has moved towards a career working with children. She is now in her final year of a child care diploma at evening college. I can't tell you what your child needs. But I can tell you, that even without a diagnosis, if you LISTEN to your child, study test scores too, then think, talk to your child - you will work things out for yourself. You must have faith in yourself as a parent, and not allow yourself to be browbeaten by educators with their own agenda (often to save themselves trouble and money). You invest in your child (time, and costs of various courses) and let your child know that although you find their behaviour at times challenging, you love your child always, no matter what. There will be times when you don't like your child very much, times when your child will scream, "I hate you!" but these activities and courses - never cancel them as punishment. Tell yourself, they are vital therapy and training. Try to avoid punishment, instead use incentives and reward. Also once you have a better understanding of why your child is being difficult (and this is where diagnosis comes in) then you will be more able to be understanding, and handle your child with less exasperation and more sympathy. Your child is undoubtedly wanting to do the right thing. Motivated, for sure. Not always able to do the right thing, because first they have to fully understand how to respond socially, often at a sophisticated level. And also because they have problems with impulse control and if they get provoked too far, they will rage. Afterwards (especially if you don't rage back) they will realise they were out of line. They do know. But they generally need to calm down first, before you try to get your point across. I hope this helps, Jessica. Marg [/QUOTE]
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new here... y is my daughter like this? Social skills are off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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