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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 428616" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Loopy, </p><p> </p><p>Welcome to the Board! Hugs for your pain, hugs for your sons pain, maybe it doesn't seem like it - but WOW the anger there is so huge, so magnified, and so frustrated. Can you imagine? No, of course you can't. You weren't given up at birth. How lucky for you to have parents that actually kept you and didn't put you somehwere to fend for yourself basically, make you wonder in the back of your mind ALWAYS what it was that you did wrong to make them not love you, not want you, not need you. (shrug) - Even if you do get the most wonderful parents on the planet? (says in echoing soft voice) It's still in your subconscious......and I know I'm right by the way he's self-destructing himself Oh yeah - and by the way he's taking it out on you. </p><p> </p><p>Truth is? He's not really mad at you? He loves you, maybe even more than he realizes or would ever care to admit, but oh GOD if he did? Then that would be such a betrayal! But to WHOM? (looks around almost as if in a horror movie) WHY.......to his parents of course - you know the parents that gave him up for adoption because that old sub conscious in the back of his mind - the one that he isn't EVEN AWARE is doing the talking to him - is like the little angel and devil on his shoulder having a conversation with his pyche all the time battling it out - saying "I bet if you just stood over there and rebeled a little - they'd see you and they'll come back." and then the good angel pops up and says "Oh you are a worthless son-shame on you -" and then he drinks, and drinks and drinks to forget. Then the bad one drags his younger one in and it starts all over again. And you know whats even worse? He has NO CLUE why he's doing this. Crazy huh? </p><p> </p><p>I had the most fantastic life after foster care.....after being dumped......and I made my life a living hades. I made one bad decision after another, after another. OM - it was like - (smack, smack, smack) WHY Star, why do you make all these stupid decisions? Why are you such and idiot?) I swear if they had had all this Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), BiPolar (BP) blah blah back when I was a kid? I have no doubts I'd still be in Bellview or someplace - because I think I was nuts. I mean I looked okay, I was not a 'problem' child. Oh LORD my Mom wouldn't have allowed that.....but I walked a fine line between heaven and hell....and when I got out on my own? Whhhhhhhhhhoooooo. Then I made one bad decision after another, dated looser after looser and then married their King.....and finally got therapy.....and after 15 years of it? I got to the crux of all this junk - and it was ------dat dah da dahhhhhh ------the adoption and being abandoned, and dumped and all that other junk. Who KNEW? I sure didn't. If you asked me I was FINE with being adopted. If you asked me under hypnosis? MAN O MAN was I a friggin mess. WOW. Say it again......WOW. </p><p> </p><p>And angry - WOW - like to the - well pie squared would be close. But WOW. So yeah - The one that's out and spraying your house? Well - Personally? I think you would benefit from seing a therapist who has and deals with kids who are adopted and stuff like that. Someone who can get into their heads and help them with the anger and go back layer by layer year by year - because it just isnt the NOW anger - it's YEARS and YEARS - like back to birth and just sitting around the kitchen table isnt going to cut it - this isn't a discussion YOU can have with your sons anyway - or at least the younger one. But Take him now - and gethim some help - even better if you find a therapist that deals in EMDR therapy. it's awesome. It's not quackery - but you have to find someone that's been doing it for a long time and is good. It helped me a ton. </p><p> </p><p>I'm still me - and I'm outspoken - and all that - but not angry and edgy and irritable about past things. I'm very much at peace and very much making way better decisions in my life and about my life. I also had no clue I had issues with my birth parents (not just bio mom like everyone says - I had major issues with birth dad too apparently) and now? I have nothing to say but - THANKS ......I have a great life - and I love my Mom. Have no desire to run and find siblings - or health issues - or any of the excuses - just want to be left alone - and live my life. It feels very good. I wish that for your kids too. And you. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 428616, member: 4964"] Hi Loopy, Welcome to the Board! Hugs for your pain, hugs for your sons pain, maybe it doesn't seem like it - but WOW the anger there is so huge, so magnified, and so frustrated. Can you imagine? No, of course you can't. You weren't given up at birth. How lucky for you to have parents that actually kept you and didn't put you somehwere to fend for yourself basically, make you wonder in the back of your mind ALWAYS what it was that you did wrong to make them not love you, not want you, not need you. (shrug) - Even if you do get the most wonderful parents on the planet? (says in echoing soft voice) It's still in your subconscious......and I know I'm right by the way he's self-destructing himself Oh yeah - and by the way he's taking it out on you. Truth is? He's not really mad at you? He loves you, maybe even more than he realizes or would ever care to admit, but oh GOD if he did? Then that would be such a betrayal! But to WHOM? (looks around almost as if in a horror movie) WHY.......to his parents of course - you know the parents that gave him up for adoption because that old sub conscious in the back of his mind - the one that he isn't EVEN AWARE is doing the talking to him - is like the little angel and devil on his shoulder having a conversation with his pyche all the time battling it out - saying "I bet if you just stood over there and rebeled a little - they'd see you and they'll come back." and then the good angel pops up and says "Oh you are a worthless son-shame on you -" and then he drinks, and drinks and drinks to forget. Then the bad one drags his younger one in and it starts all over again. And you know whats even worse? He has NO CLUE why he's doing this. Crazy huh? I had the most fantastic life after foster care.....after being dumped......and I made my life a living hades. I made one bad decision after another, after another. OM - it was like - (smack, smack, smack) WHY Star, why do you make all these stupid decisions? Why are you such and idiot?) I swear if they had had all this Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), BiPolar (BP) blah blah back when I was a kid? I have no doubts I'd still be in Bellview or someplace - because I think I was nuts. I mean I looked okay, I was not a 'problem' child. Oh LORD my Mom wouldn't have allowed that.....but I walked a fine line between heaven and hell....and when I got out on my own? Whhhhhhhhhhoooooo. Then I made one bad decision after another, dated looser after looser and then married their King.....and finally got therapy.....and after 15 years of it? I got to the crux of all this junk - and it was ------dat dah da dahhhhhh ------the adoption and being abandoned, and dumped and all that other junk. Who KNEW? I sure didn't. If you asked me I was FINE with being adopted. If you asked me under hypnosis? MAN O MAN was I a friggin mess. WOW. Say it again......WOW. And angry - WOW - like to the - well pie squared would be close. But WOW. So yeah - The one that's out and spraying your house? Well - Personally? I think you would benefit from seing a therapist who has and deals with kids who are adopted and stuff like that. Someone who can get into their heads and help them with the anger and go back layer by layer year by year - because it just isnt the NOW anger - it's YEARS and YEARS - like back to birth and just sitting around the kitchen table isnt going to cut it - this isn't a discussion YOU can have with your sons anyway - or at least the younger one. But Take him now - and gethim some help - even better if you find a therapist that deals in EMDR therapy. it's awesome. It's not quackery - but you have to find someone that's been doing it for a long time and is good. It helped me a ton. I'm still me - and I'm outspoken - and all that - but not angry and edgy and irritable about past things. I'm very much at peace and very much making way better decisions in my life and about my life. I also had no clue I had issues with my birth parents (not just bio mom like everyone says - I had major issues with birth dad too apparently) and now? I have nothing to say but - THANKS ......I have a great life - and I love my Mom. Have no desire to run and find siblings - or health issues - or any of the excuses - just want to be left alone - and live my life. It feels very good. I wish that for your kids too. And you. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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