New here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by M34, Mar 22, 2013.

  1. M34

    M34 Guest

    I have looked at this forum for a few years now, but have never registered or posted anything. I can see that all of you have a great deal of personal experiences to share and I want to share what I have going on so that I can get some insight.

    I have an almost 14 difficult child who is one of the sweetest, most loving kids you could ever meet. He loves animals and wants to be everyone's friend (but most are not interested in being his friend). I have diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and ADHD as well as some anxitey issues. He takes Vyvanse, Prozac and just started Intuniv. The largest problem that we deal with is the fact that he has a terrible time dealing with anger and stress. He feels that there are no solutions to problems other than harming those he is angry at or harming himself. He has never actually done either of these, but I am concerned. His most recent incident, was at the school. He was given a disciplinary action and he says that he "just lost it". Drew pictures of him shooting himself, wrote on another paper that he just wanted to die and then on another paper, made out a list of people he wanted to kill. Teacher caught him, now on home school until he can be assessed. When I ask him about this, he says that he was just angry and just wrote his feelings on paper. (by the way-I have told him in the past to write down his feelings instead of acting out how he is feeling).

    He is a really good kid. Does what he is supposed to do. Doesn't really care for school but is a C average student, which I can live with. Just can't deal with anger and stress. He always wants to take it to extremes with his response.

    Personally, I can't stand the school. in my opinion, they do nothing to help with kids who need help. However, my choices for school are limited because we do live in a small area.

    Does anyone else see this kind of behavior?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Does he get any interventions for his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Those are really important and I don't mean medication.

    Does he have an IEP in school for his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Do you think maybe he has a co-morbid mood disorder too? He seems sad and angry. It is a common combination...Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/mood disorder. Both are treatable.

    He is probably overstimulated when he melts down. He needs Occupational Therapist (OT) and PT and probably for social skills and once he learns how to interact appropriately with others and is taught how to control himself he should do much better. But he needs these interventions. My son got them through school and they didn't cost us anything, but they helped TONS. My son is now an adult and you would barely know he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) if you didn't KNOW, if you get what I mean. And he used to have frequent anger meltdowns too. Hyperactivity and anxiety are just two symptoms of the bigger diagnosis Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Some Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are overly sensitive to medication.

    50% of all kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) take medications. For my son, he does better medication free, but again he is now a young adult. Takes time. My son has also made friends. If you have him assessed again, I'd take him to a neuropsychologist. I would never ever trust school testing.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my welcome. Glad you found your way to us but sorry you needed to. I agree with MWM about having a neuro-psychiatric evaluation done as they give such good insight.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    personally, I think they should consider using his willingness to journal his feelings as a tool. We did that for my son. He had a special notebook and one aide got upset. I reminded them it was a therapeutic tool we told him to do instead of screaming and threatening. We said it had to stay in that notebook and He shredded it weekly.

    oh, my son'shome. welcome. I'll check in later!
  5. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Hi, welcome to our little space in this overwhelming world!
    I can fully understand that this all(the drawings, ect.) made some people feel uncomfortable! ;)
    The one thing I am starting to realize with my son is that some behaviour might seem inappropriate, but our Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids doesnt always have other skills to choose from! This behaviour was just his way of converting a message, and visual usually comes easier than verbal for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids....
    I fully agree on a propper assessment and intervention....helping him deal with his feelings and learning skills to deal with it!
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yes, I frequently hear that difficult child 1 wants to die. And his second day of school he came home saying he was going to throw so and so threw the bus window because they were swearing.

    Now he goes to a friendship group once a week with the school therapist, has a behavior plan, and when all else fails goes to the office where they help him work it out. And we have a behavior plan review every few weeks. Still, every once in a while he'll tell me so and so is a bully and this is what I'm going to do to them.

    Does your son have an IEP?
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Welcome to the board! Does the school do any interventions for him since has a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? I think that having him write his feeling out rather than acting on them is a great tool. I'm sorry that the school doesn't set it that way. I have no advice to give, but just wanted to say hi.
  8. M34

    M34 Guest

    You have all asked about an IEP. The answer is no. I have been trying to do this since the beginning of the school year. Before I go any further, I want to say that I have been frustrated with the school for many years now. I would not ask them for a drink of water if I was thirsty. I have asked them for an IEP and the they say that in their testing that he scores in the normal range and does not qualify. They tested him for special education, but after reading some of these posts and listening to some others talk, I get the feeling that I am not asking the right questions. Does anyone have any advice on what I should be asking for?

    As far as the diagnosis--I have those from actual docs (although not a neuropsychologist). I would have never asked the school to have him mentally evaluated (see previous statement about how I feel about school).

    Some have mentioned that writing things down is a good tool and I feel the same way. I guess the concern is the extreme nature of what he wrote. Everyone in his family has told him to write things down instead of acting out and he did just that. I also have the items that he would use to cause harm locked up where he can't get to them.

    He does good with his current medications. And some of you mention intervention. Is that the question that I should be asking for an IEP?
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    MWM took the words right out of my mouth.
    And Liahona's experience is a great idea for you!

    So sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did.
  10. M34

    M34 Guest

    I would cooperate with any kind of help the school would be willing to give, but I never get the impression that they want to help. I have seen that some have mentioned aides for their kids to help out. How to I go about getting to that point? I think it would be a great benefit for him.
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I thought an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis would automatically give him an IEP and services through the school? Maybe I'm wrong.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Schools must by law do their own evaluations. Unless a disability affects school functioning, a student cannot have an iep.

    They are mandated to consider outside diagnosis and evaluations but they do not have to follow or accept the information. Parents have rights to appeal and ask for independent evaluations if they disagree with the school evaluation. That evaluation is at the school district expense.

    Every time you request an evaluation it must be in writing and mailed certified/return receipt. That starts a legal time clock giving a certain amount of time in which they must respond.
  13. M34

    M34 Guest

    That is very helpful to know buddy. I appreciate the info. Is that a federal thing or would it vary by state?
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That is federal law. States vary in that they can do more than required, for example in our state we have to complete assessments sooner than the fed mandate.
    But states can't do less than the federal mandate.

    Where things get really tricky is that interpretation of answers given by students on some protocols and interpretation of assessment results can be somewhat subjective.

    That's why the option to ask for an independent evaluation if you disagree with the school evaluation is important.

    Writeslaw is a great resource, I also use which is based in mn but does national outreach so their website is very useful too.