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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654358" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well...I'd back off the fight. He's not your child and doesn't sound like you have a good relationship with him. Your husband has to be the one who makes any decisions about him. Legally, you can't. I have three adopted kids and one took drugs but quit. The others never did and their birthmothers used drugs too. It is not inherited to use drugs. On the other hand, pesonality traits are and can influence all of our kids for the good or not.</p><p>It is usual for mother and stepmother to get along that well, although it does happen. You married your husband the day of the divorce? That probablyl triggered more hostility.</p><p>I think the best thing you can do for yourself, because you have no legal rights over any of these kids, is to be good to you, detach from the problems and let your husband and his ex handle it. Did your husband's children experience a lot of chaos in their first three yars? That can cause attachment issues, insecure attachment, and they can decide not to bond or listen to anyone and they can be difficult to parent.</p><p></p><p>You did make a hard decision, but you don't have to be the one who solves the problem. In fact, you can't. Back off and let Daddy be the parent in the house. They are getting older and can eventually leave and you can have peace.</p><p></p><p>Suggestion: I don't think this is a good time to have another child if you have been thinking about it. I just say that because many couples have trouble with older kids and then bring a baby into the picture. That puts the baby at risk and he/she is introduced into a chaotic world. Of course, you don't have to listen to my advice, but I gave it with good intentions.</p><p></p><p>Keep us updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654358, member: 1550"] Well...I'd back off the fight. He's not your child and doesn't sound like you have a good relationship with him. Your husband has to be the one who makes any decisions about him. Legally, you can't. I have three adopted kids and one took drugs but quit. The others never did and their birthmothers used drugs too. It is not inherited to use drugs. On the other hand, pesonality traits are and can influence all of our kids for the good or not. It is usual for mother and stepmother to get along that well, although it does happen. You married your husband the day of the divorce? That probablyl triggered more hostility. I think the best thing you can do for yourself, because you have no legal rights over any of these kids, is to be good to you, detach from the problems and let your husband and his ex handle it. Did your husband's children experience a lot of chaos in their first three yars? That can cause attachment issues, insecure attachment, and they can decide not to bond or listen to anyone and they can be difficult to parent. You did make a hard decision, but you don't have to be the one who solves the problem. In fact, you can't. Back off and let Daddy be the parent in the house. They are getting older and can eventually leave and you can have peace. Suggestion: I don't think this is a good time to have another child if you have been thinking about it. I just say that because many couples have trouble with older kids and then bring a baby into the picture. That puts the baby at risk and he/she is introduced into a chaotic world. Of course, you don't have to listen to my advice, but I gave it with good intentions. Keep us updated. [/QUOTE]
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