Hi! I signed up here a while back and the link got lost... not sure if I ever posted, but if so it has been a long time.
I have 7 yr old triplets, all three on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum and ADHD (though there are some docs who are strict DSM'ers who disagree, quoting if one is on the autism spectrum, one cannot also have ADHD... personally I think the DSM criteria for ADHD should be changed to take that out!).
Two of them, DS and daughter, it has been suspected they have ODD.
DS I'm not so sure about anymore, though he still does a lot of things that are defiant, it is a lot less severe than it used to be. He still needs to do exactly what I told him NOT to do, but he only does it once now, where it used to be like 15 times after I "reminded him of the rule not to do that". But then again, about 2 minutes later he "forgets" and does it again... and consequences don't really matter. He says he really did not want to do that for the next week, or whatever. I guess compared to daughter, his situation is not really that bad, so I keept thinking maybe he is not ODD.
With daughter, it is getting worse every day and I'm really having problems trying to figure out what to do. No matter what I say, she MUST do the opposite, even if it is something that will be helpful to her, or that she really wants to do. She also has a diagnosis of Anxiety-not otherwise specified and gets herself so worked up with anxiety that she gets stomach aches (on occasion has even vomited).
ANY suggestion of what to do to calm herself is refused, even though she knows it will work. If SHE comes up with the idea, that's fine - she'll do it... but often she gets so anxious she forgets what she can do to calm, and if I 'remind' her to do it, all heck breaks loose and she gets a lot worse.
She seems to want to hurt me, psychologically. She is constantly trying to get me angry to the point of losing control, and ONLY then does she seem satisfied. She does things like this to her siblings, too, but not to the extent she does them to me.
There is a girl at school who used to bully her at times, though the school is being very cooperative. But then daughter turns around and does everything that girl did to her (which she hated) and does them to her siblings. I just can't figure out why she would do that. when I point out that she is doing the same thing that girl did to her, she seems to do it more often.
I just don't know what to do, especially since all the docs we've seen seem very reluctant to diagnosis ODD in a child with autism and adhd and anxiety-not otherwise specified.
by the way none of my kids are on medications other than allergy/asthma medications.
OK, here are my questions:
How old is a child usually when diagnosed ODD? Is 7 too young?
Does the child have to act defiant in all situations? For example, at school, they don't seem to have the problems they have at home, at least not to the same extent.
What do I do??? I'm really lost and confused. I have done so many things for so many years with the autism and sensory issues. They have come from being diagnosis severe autism for DS and moderate autism for daughter to very mild for both, where most people cannot believe they even have that diagnosis. I've worked hard to get them here, and somehow lost concentration on the ODD matters, thinking this is normal or if I change myself this will go away. But now I"m at the point where I have tried everything I can think of and all I am doing is I keep blaming myself... that all this is because I'm such a horrible mother and not the kids' fault... and I know that is not healthy.
Anyway, if you have gotten this far, thanks for reading!
Wendi
I have 7 yr old triplets, all three on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum and ADHD (though there are some docs who are strict DSM'ers who disagree, quoting if one is on the autism spectrum, one cannot also have ADHD... personally I think the DSM criteria for ADHD should be changed to take that out!).
Two of them, DS and daughter, it has been suspected they have ODD.
DS I'm not so sure about anymore, though he still does a lot of things that are defiant, it is a lot less severe than it used to be. He still needs to do exactly what I told him NOT to do, but he only does it once now, where it used to be like 15 times after I "reminded him of the rule not to do that". But then again, about 2 minutes later he "forgets" and does it again... and consequences don't really matter. He says he really did not want to do that for the next week, or whatever. I guess compared to daughter, his situation is not really that bad, so I keept thinking maybe he is not ODD.
With daughter, it is getting worse every day and I'm really having problems trying to figure out what to do. No matter what I say, she MUST do the opposite, even if it is something that will be helpful to her, or that she really wants to do. She also has a diagnosis of Anxiety-not otherwise specified and gets herself so worked up with anxiety that she gets stomach aches (on occasion has even vomited).
ANY suggestion of what to do to calm herself is refused, even though she knows it will work. If SHE comes up with the idea, that's fine - she'll do it... but often she gets so anxious she forgets what she can do to calm, and if I 'remind' her to do it, all heck breaks loose and she gets a lot worse.
She seems to want to hurt me, psychologically. She is constantly trying to get me angry to the point of losing control, and ONLY then does she seem satisfied. She does things like this to her siblings, too, but not to the extent she does them to me.
There is a girl at school who used to bully her at times, though the school is being very cooperative. But then daughter turns around and does everything that girl did to her (which she hated) and does them to her siblings. I just can't figure out why she would do that. when I point out that she is doing the same thing that girl did to her, she seems to do it more often.
I just don't know what to do, especially since all the docs we've seen seem very reluctant to diagnosis ODD in a child with autism and adhd and anxiety-not otherwise specified.
by the way none of my kids are on medications other than allergy/asthma medications.
OK, here are my questions:
How old is a child usually when diagnosed ODD? Is 7 too young?
Does the child have to act defiant in all situations? For example, at school, they don't seem to have the problems they have at home, at least not to the same extent.
What do I do??? I'm really lost and confused. I have done so many things for so many years with the autism and sensory issues. They have come from being diagnosis severe autism for DS and moderate autism for daughter to very mild for both, where most people cannot believe they even have that diagnosis. I've worked hard to get them here, and somehow lost concentration on the ODD matters, thinking this is normal or if I change myself this will go away. But now I"m at the point where I have tried everything I can think of and all I am doing is I keep blaming myself... that all this is because I'm such a horrible mother and not the kids' fault... and I know that is not healthy.
Anyway, if you have gotten this far, thanks for reading!
Wendi
