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New member - Having a bad morning
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<blockquote data-quote="Truthsong" data-source="post: 400147"><p>Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone and for your generous help as well. I'll try to respond to everyone... </p><p></p><p>Barneysmom: You hit the nail right on the head. I find that the biggest problems we face as a family are centered around my husband and I having differing views on child raising. That is the only thing we argue about. I follow a (partially) Buddhist path, so I am accustomed to letting go of expectations. I try to take each day as it comes and focus on the moment. My husband has a difficult time with this and at times his expectations seem far too high. I hate that I am even saying this because in all other ways, husband is truly quite marvelous. It really is difficult and exhausting to have to mediate between them.</p><p></p><p>In answer to your questions: My son had issues with anxiety and depression as well as with ADD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/ODD tendencies. He is on medication for all that and to be honest, now that we have finally found a cocktail that works, things *have* gotten much easier. He was scary for a while with his mood swings and wild tantrums. I am grateful to have those days behind us. Now he just has the idea in his head that he shouldn't have to work for anything. That he should get whatever he wants without earning the privilege. He doesn't seem to have any interest in learning the concept of respecting his elders, so he speaks to his parents, teachers, etc. with a chip on his shoulder. The attitude with which he speaks to people gets him in a lot of trouble. He seems to think that he should get respect without giving any back. He's not angry. He just doesn't seem to give a hoot about anyone or anything. It's hard to understand that mindset and sometimes I worry about his future. </p><p></p><p>I haven't read that book you are all suggesting, but I definitely will. Thank you all for that. I did look into the Oasis website and associated forum. I was on there a while, but I felt like no one really listened, everyone just complained. So it was less than helpful. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I appreciate it all. </p><p></p><p>As for therapy; he was seeing someone for a while. But it wasn't a good fit. In the end, all they did was sit in the room for the allotted time and speak about only topical things. The fact is, my son doesn't think he needs to do anything to improve his situation. As a counselor in my own right, I know that no one can be helped unless they are willing to help themselves. difficult child has no interest in self-improvement, so therapy of the conventional type hasn't worked. Seeing a family therapist would be wonderful, if I could get husband to agree to go. Truth be told, he doesn't think he can do any more than he's already doing. So he's got his own brand of stubbornness. That really leaves me in the middle as the only person willing to make changes and sacrifices. Which, to date, has not worked. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/groooansmileyf.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":groan:" title="groan :groan:" data-shortname=":groan:" /></p><p></p><p>Thankfully, tomorrow is another day and another chance to try again. </p><p></p><p>Thank you all for your support! It means a great deal to me just to be able to talk to people who understand what I am going through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Truthsong, post: 400147"] Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone and for your generous help as well. I'll try to respond to everyone... Barneysmom: You hit the nail right on the head. I find that the biggest problems we face as a family are centered around my husband and I having differing views on child raising. That is the only thing we argue about. I follow a (partially) Buddhist path, so I am accustomed to letting go of expectations. I try to take each day as it comes and focus on the moment. My husband has a difficult time with this and at times his expectations seem far too high. I hate that I am even saying this because in all other ways, husband is truly quite marvelous. It really is difficult and exhausting to have to mediate between them. In answer to your questions: My son had issues with anxiety and depression as well as with ADD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/ODD tendencies. He is on medication for all that and to be honest, now that we have finally found a cocktail that works, things *have* gotten much easier. He was scary for a while with his mood swings and wild tantrums. I am grateful to have those days behind us. Now he just has the idea in his head that he shouldn't have to work for anything. That he should get whatever he wants without earning the privilege. He doesn't seem to have any interest in learning the concept of respecting his elders, so he speaks to his parents, teachers, etc. with a chip on his shoulder. The attitude with which he speaks to people gets him in a lot of trouble. He seems to think that he should get respect without giving any back. He's not angry. He just doesn't seem to give a hoot about anyone or anything. It's hard to understand that mindset and sometimes I worry about his future. I haven't read that book you are all suggesting, but I definitely will. Thank you all for that. I did look into the Oasis website and associated forum. I was on there a while, but I felt like no one really listened, everyone just complained. So it was less than helpful. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I appreciate it all. As for therapy; he was seeing someone for a while. But it wasn't a good fit. In the end, all they did was sit in the room for the allotted time and speak about only topical things. The fact is, my son doesn't think he needs to do anything to improve his situation. As a counselor in my own right, I know that no one can be helped unless they are willing to help themselves. difficult child has no interest in self-improvement, so therapy of the conventional type hasn't worked. Seeing a family therapist would be wonderful, if I could get husband to agree to go. Truth be told, he doesn't think he can do any more than he's already doing. So he's got his own brand of stubbornness. That really leaves me in the middle as the only person willing to make changes and sacrifices. Which, to date, has not worked. :groooansmileyf: Thankfully, tomorrow is another day and another chance to try again. Thank you all for your support! It means a great deal to me just to be able to talk to people who understand what I am going through. [/QUOTE]
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