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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 521893" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi and welcome to the board, but sorry that you have to be here.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to check in so you know that we care, but honestly have no really solid advice. She obviously needs a lot of therapy but at her age, you can't force her to go for any help. I am thinking she has some signs of early borderline personality disorder, which I have and have worked for years on to get under control. I don't know if she has it or not, but she sounds like she could. Are any of your other kids in counseling? You may want to get them help so this doesn't happen to them.Is your daughter taking drugs? That's an additional problem that just adds oil to the flames.</p><p></p><p>Your first husband was not very stable. Part of this is probably hereditary. But how was your pregnancy? You were very young. Did you take good care of yourself while you were pregnant? Does your daughter know your entire story, including the affair? Are YOU in any therapy? If not, I think it would be a very good idea to get involved in therapy so that, even if you can't control your daughter, you can learn to have a happy, more stable life (I had to do this...years of therapy, self-help groups, self-help books, very hard work). </p><p></p><p>Having been in so much therapy, I can tell you that not one therapist can help your daughter UNLESS SHE WANTS HELP. And with her history of unstable behavior and lying, it will take a big commitment on her part to get better. She has to really want it. Also, I agree with you that some "theories" of psychology are rather useless. I'd say only a few wonderful therapists helped me...most of them were pretty useless to me and had such wacky ideas that I would get frustrated. Since your daughter is seventeen, not much will work if she doesn't want to be agreeable to the treatment (as I've said before). By eighteen, she is a legal adult and you can't force her to do anything.</p><p></p><p>I would google up borderline personality disorder and see if you think it fits. Again, I am JUST a mom, but I have it. It is a life of chronic chaos for the person and everyone around her and there are varying degrees of it. Sexual abuse is one thing that can cause borderline...wondering if she ever was abused by somebody maybe outside of the family so now she uses it for manipulation? </p><p></p><p>Wish I could help more and it's so early, maybe I'm just rambling. But borderline jumped out at me at the story. Certainly does not mean I'm right! Hugs and keep us posted. Here is a link about borderline. Maybe you can see parallels, maybe not. I actually have "borderline traits," not the entire disorder and it can be helped A LOT if the person wants help.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms" target="_blank">http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 521893, member: 1550"] Hi and welcome to the board, but sorry that you have to be here. I wanted to check in so you know that we care, but honestly have no really solid advice. She obviously needs a lot of therapy but at her age, you can't force her to go for any help. I am thinking she has some signs of early borderline personality disorder, which I have and have worked for years on to get under control. I don't know if she has it or not, but she sounds like she could. Are any of your other kids in counseling? You may want to get them help so this doesn't happen to them.Is your daughter taking drugs? That's an additional problem that just adds oil to the flames. Your first husband was not very stable. Part of this is probably hereditary. But how was your pregnancy? You were very young. Did you take good care of yourself while you were pregnant? Does your daughter know your entire story, including the affair? Are YOU in any therapy? If not, I think it would be a very good idea to get involved in therapy so that, even if you can't control your daughter, you can learn to have a happy, more stable life (I had to do this...years of therapy, self-help groups, self-help books, very hard work). Having been in so much therapy, I can tell you that not one therapist can help your daughter UNLESS SHE WANTS HELP. And with her history of unstable behavior and lying, it will take a big commitment on her part to get better. She has to really want it. Also, I agree with you that some "theories" of psychology are rather useless. I'd say only a few wonderful therapists helped me...most of them were pretty useless to me and had such wacky ideas that I would get frustrated. Since your daughter is seventeen, not much will work if she doesn't want to be agreeable to the treatment (as I've said before). By eighteen, she is a legal adult and you can't force her to do anything. I would google up borderline personality disorder and see if you think it fits. Again, I am JUST a mom, but I have it. It is a life of chronic chaos for the person and everyone around her and there are varying degrees of it. Sexual abuse is one thing that can cause borderline...wondering if she ever was abused by somebody maybe outside of the family so now she uses it for manipulation? Wish I could help more and it's so early, maybe I'm just rambling. But borderline jumped out at me at the story. Certainly does not mean I'm right! Hugs and keep us posted. Here is a link about borderline. Maybe you can see parallels, maybe not. I actually have "borderline traits," not the entire disorder and it can be helped A LOT if the person wants help. [url]http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms[/url] [/QUOTE]
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