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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621572" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome to the board.</p><p></p><p>I am assuming both of them are over eighteen.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, there is nothing you can do about either of them. If you feel grandbaby is in danger you can call CPS, no guarantees there. But it's up to the woman to walk away. As for your son, he is out of your control. Personality disordered individuals rarely seek help nor do they believe they are ever wrong. I would not talk to the girlfriend...I'd stay out of their fighting completely. There is no reason for you to tear out your heart by getting pulled into that degree of drama. You can't stop it. Why not suggest she go to therapy, then disconnect from her. When you see her calling you, let it go to voicemail. I assume she knows about shelters for the domestically abused?</p><p></p><p>Sounds like girlfriend is trying to get something from you, as you have said.</p><p></p><p>Do not feel guilty about not doing anything. Unless you want to legally fight for custody of your grandhilcren, and sadly that is a long shot even though both are losers, there is nothing you CAN do. What do you feel guilty about not doing? Not making your son act right to her? You can't control him. Not let her live with you? That may bring danger on YOU. YOU count too and you must be safe.And I wouldn't send them money, if she is trying to work up the nerve to ask you for some. Are either of them working? If not, that's something one of them has to do, even if it's at McDonalds. Whether or not one of them WILL work is again not within your control.</p><p></p><p>Do you have a therapist yourself? Is your son a drug user? If so have you gone to a Nar-Anon meeting or have you contacted NAMI for classes on parents of disturbed adult children? The best thing you can do is to be the best YOU you can be so that your loved ones who treat you well can enjoy you and so that you can enjoy life in spite of this struggling couple.</p><p></p><p>There is an excellent article on detachment up above. I would definitely give it a read. So sorry your mommy heart is hurt, but glad you found us. I think you will find out we are a caring bunch who are full of wisdom. I learn a lot here. I have my own struggles with a grown child.</p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621572, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome to the board. I am assuming both of them are over eighteen. Sadly, there is nothing you can do about either of them. If you feel grandbaby is in danger you can call CPS, no guarantees there. But it's up to the woman to walk away. As for your son, he is out of your control. Personality disordered individuals rarely seek help nor do they believe they are ever wrong. I would not talk to the girlfriend...I'd stay out of their fighting completely. There is no reason for you to tear out your heart by getting pulled into that degree of drama. You can't stop it. Why not suggest she go to therapy, then disconnect from her. When you see her calling you, let it go to voicemail. I assume she knows about shelters for the domestically abused? Sounds like girlfriend is trying to get something from you, as you have said. Do not feel guilty about not doing anything. Unless you want to legally fight for custody of your grandhilcren, and sadly that is a long shot even though both are losers, there is nothing you CAN do. What do you feel guilty about not doing? Not making your son act right to her? You can't control him. Not let her live with you? That may bring danger on YOU. YOU count too and you must be safe.And I wouldn't send them money, if she is trying to work up the nerve to ask you for some. Are either of them working? If not, that's something one of them has to do, even if it's at McDonalds. Whether or not one of them WILL work is again not within your control. Do you have a therapist yourself? Is your son a drug user? If so have you gone to a Nar-Anon meeting or have you contacted NAMI for classes on parents of disturbed adult children? The best thing you can do is to be the best YOU you can be so that your loved ones who treat you well can enjoy you and so that you can enjoy life in spite of this struggling couple. There is an excellent article on detachment up above. I would definitely give it a read. So sorry your mommy heart is hurt, but glad you found us. I think you will find out we are a caring bunch who are full of wisdom. I learn a lot here. I have my own struggles with a grown child. Gentle hugs. [/QUOTE]
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