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New to forum- we need help.. please!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 153470" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Whether she's responsible or not really isn't relevant now. If she's got the guilts it will only slow down her thinking instead of helping her find a way to cope. And as you said - she got it right for three of you, so it sounds like she's a good mother.</p><p></p><p>Rebecca, it's likely that he uses attack as a way of deflecting personal responsibility away from himself. He's probably very good at trying to make other people feel bad (or guilty) so he can sidestep the issues.</p><p></p><p>However, you can't make him face what he refuses to deal with. He won't get help while other people either enable him or make excuses for him. Even after you cut him loose, he will have to make the decisions for himself, as to what to do.</p><p></p><p>You can love someone, but still want them out of your pockets and living independently.</p><p></p><p>We can help. Also, if you post over on Teens & Substance Abuse, you might get more specific responses from other parents who have been or are still struggling with the same issues.</p><p></p><p>Good for you for being a considerate daughter and for being able to think laterally at a time like this. Two heads are better than one.</p><p></p><p>Stick around. You and your mum. Let us know how you get on.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 153470, member: 1991"] Whether she's responsible or not really isn't relevant now. If she's got the guilts it will only slow down her thinking instead of helping her find a way to cope. And as you said - she got it right for three of you, so it sounds like she's a good mother. Rebecca, it's likely that he uses attack as a way of deflecting personal responsibility away from himself. He's probably very good at trying to make other people feel bad (or guilty) so he can sidestep the issues. However, you can't make him face what he refuses to deal with. He won't get help while other people either enable him or make excuses for him. Even after you cut him loose, he will have to make the decisions for himself, as to what to do. You can love someone, but still want them out of your pockets and living independently. We can help. Also, if you post over on Teens & Substance Abuse, you might get more specific responses from other parents who have been or are still struggling with the same issues. Good for you for being a considerate daughter and for being able to think laterally at a time like this. Two heads are better than one. Stick around. You and your mum. Let us know how you get on. Marg [/QUOTE]
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