New to here with one quick question and many more to come

[scott4431]

Hello all,
I am new to this board. I read over the agreement and rules of the board etc, and while I did not see it listed, I hope I am not violating any rule, because I must say right away I am not a parent (but someday will be, am married (not expecting as of now), and have nephews and nieces on both sides). I skimmed over some of the categories and may respond to some within the next few weeks. I am interested in learning as many things as possible to prepare me for fatherhood (i realize you are not ready until it actually comes, you can read all about it). I realize some who post here have challenging difficulties with kids who have depression, and serious challenges compared to some who have more minor issues, but the way I see it, we all have some sort of issue, we are all human, all make mistakes, but can all learn about it.

Anyways in not wanting to share too many personal things, all the rest I shall say for now is I live in the continental US, Midwest, so that is my quick background.

My one quick question for now is regarding children's technology now adays, such as cell phones, but in how cell phones are so much more now. I am in my late 20s, but recently I got into a disagreement with someone over if kids should be allowed to have Cphones, and that is what made me want to find a place to ask about this kind of thing. I simply said that someday my kids could have a cell phone limited when they learn to drive, and only for calling, no texting, no internet, no nothing else. Am I crazy?

 

[tiredmommy]

No... not crazy. But good luck with that. I say that because children are immersed in technology like never before, with all the advantages and pitfalls. But... it becomes very difficult for a child to be the only one in their social circle without something (anything, including technology). I think, as a parent, that it's more important that your future children learn to use technology within the framework of your family's values than having a predetermined age that they can use to access technology. You may not have a 16year old for another 20 years and the world will continue to change in that time. My advice? Focus on the intangibles for your child: honesty, character, responsibilty, respect.

 

[exhausted]

Well from someone who has a 16 year old that used her phone for no good-I agree with you. We took it away. The results? She used other peoples' phones to get what she wanted. They are dangerous as is any technology in the hands of someone with bad intentions. I agree with Tiredmommy, teach the character skills and hope you don't end up with a child that has the kind that my child has. There are no hard and fast answers here. Given the frontal cortex development of teens, none of them should have a phone without parental controls and monitoring.

 

[BusynMember]

My kids all have cell phones. I'd rather they have them so I can reach them anytime. In fact, we have no land phone anymore. I think a well behaved kid is fine with a cell phone. But I understand why some people don't like the idea. Adults text and drive too! And more! A few days ago I almost ran over somebody texting who walked right into the crosswalk without looking (there was a stop sign there). He was in his 20's or early 30's and he was texting.

 

[scott4431]

Excellent, I agree with both of you. That was just one quick question I had, but you are right, things continue to change and continue to teach them the values and honesty, etc. Being in my late 20s, I grew up where TVs, VCRs, and cable hooked up to the TVs along with home phones were pretty mainstream. We got internet first in 8th grade with slow dial up but at the time that was an amazing tool of technology. At the time in middle school and high school the rules were no portable CD players during class, now with ipods and ipads.......so I see what you mean.

As for what the one response I see what you mean, if you don't have one, you always have your friends technology to use.

Thank you again,

 

[lovelyboy]

I'm an occupational therapist who gave parenting classes and child management caurses....before I got kids! Now, when I think back....Yes...all that nice 'pink-fluff' would maybe work for most well adjusted kid with good modulation ect., but for a challenging kid...well...no-way!

I think what I'm trying to say is (sorry if this sounds rude)...: If you want to learn more about parenting and raising kids....maybe first start with joining forums for parenting the 'non-challenging' child....this will give you a better idea of what to expect?

LOL....because in my opinion....after hanging around for to long on a forum where all the challenges are discussed, you might decide not to have kids very soon....or come to think of it...not at all!!!!LOL

 

[Malika]

I'm an occupational therapist who gave parenting classes and child management caurses....before I got kids! Now, when I think back....Yes...all that nice 'pink-fluff' would maybe work for most well adjusted kid with good modulation ect., but for a challenging kid...well...no-way!

I think what I'm trying to say is (sorry if this sounds rude)...: If you want to learn more about parenting and raising kids....maybe first start with joining forums for parenting the 'non-challenging' child....this will give you a better idea of what to expect?

LOL....because in my opinion....after hanging around for to long on a forum where all the challenges are discussed, you might decide not to have kids very soon....or come to think of it...not at all!!!!LOL

Lol. I can only second those words. On the other hand, if you learn about parenting from this forum, if the child/children you may one day have turns out to be "neuro-typical", what a very pleasant surprise that you will appreciate to the full

 

[flutterby]

I'm sure everyone goes into parenthood with ideas on what they will and won't do or allow their children to do. Then their children are here and suddenly it's not so simple, nor so black and white.

I agree with TM: honesty, character, responsibility, respect. It is also important to remember that each child is a unique individual, and how one parents one child may not be how one parents another child in the same family.

 

[DammitJanet]

I have to giggle over this post. I am a grandmother right now to 3, almost 4 grandchildren. All of them are 5 and under. I cant even imagine worrying about what they are going to do when they are teens right now.

Scott..(I adore that name by the way!) Dont borrow trouble. Who knows what cell phones are even going to be like in 16, 17 or 18 years from now. They may be watches!

 

[AnnieO]

Wow... I remember not having cable TV or even a VCR. Much less internet...

Scott, I agree that morals and family values are more important than anything. Cell phones - well, daughter used hers inappropriately, son never carried his so why did we bother? We let that one die. It all depends on the kid, really...

 

[scott4431]

@lovlyboy, you do not sound rude, I know what you mean, but I believe everyone is unique and some people grow up with harder problems than others (a mild learning disability VS autism, aspergers, depression, etc). I like this board, and just want to soak up as much diverse knowledge as possible, both in asking questions and maybe giving responses to others.

@flutterby, your right to, everyone things they have a good idea for this or that, but when the first child comes, things go out the window. Life itself is messy, and gray, not black and white.

@damnit janet, for one scott is not my real name, but I wanted to not use a real name in my user name, but thank you, and you are right about technology. That was my point about how when I was younger it was mainstream to have TVs but we couldn't imagine how the internet would transform things. @stepto, I hope I didn't sound offensive to you, I just meant that cable was rather regular in the very late 80s and throughout the 90s. I myself in the 00s went without cable for a while during this recession.

Thank you though for your responses.