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Parent Emeritus
New to page - adult stepchild issues. HELP PLEASE
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 481909" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>Yes, I can't give you any better advice than Crazy has given. There is a point where you have to let it go and focus on you, which is easier said than done, but we all work on it on here- detachment is the term. I too believe she is probably abusing drugs and she will not stop until she is ready. Let her know you will support her recovery in any way possible, but you will not support her current lifestyle choices. You must cut off all financial support- this includes paying cell phone bills, etc. Don't give her any cash as it will go to whatever her substance of choice is. The best thing you can do is learn about detaching, which basically means focusing on yourself and your life and allowing her to live as chooses since she is a grown up. When you detach you do not do things for another grown up that they should be doing for themselves. And, yes, you can still love her and not support her choices or allow her to manipulate you. The busier you can keep yourself the better you will feel. I'm sorry you're going through this, as I am in a similar situation, except my daughter has a 2-year-old, which makes it really hard. You found a great place for advice and support.</p><p></p><p>I also forgot to mention that you will learn to develop a thick skin about your daughter's issues. Keep this in mind: they are her issues, not yours nor any reflection on your parenting. A wise person on this board once told me this is not my fault unless I purposely neglected, abused or otherwise tried to inflict a bad life upon my daughter. Of course none of us here did those things, or we wouldn't even be here. But you have to learn there are a few people in your life who will listen and not judge you and there are a lot of people who want to hear your tales of her trouble for the shock value. Once you figure out who's who you can just focus on those who are your true friends. I have learned to give some pretty honest answers when people ask me about Kat and those who were just looking for the shock factor are stunned when I put it out there bluntly. It gives me a little laugh inside when they don't know how to reply.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 481909, member: 11235"] Yes, I can't give you any better advice than Crazy has given. There is a point where you have to let it go and focus on you, which is easier said than done, but we all work on it on here- detachment is the term. I too believe she is probably abusing drugs and she will not stop until she is ready. Let her know you will support her recovery in any way possible, but you will not support her current lifestyle choices. You must cut off all financial support- this includes paying cell phone bills, etc. Don't give her any cash as it will go to whatever her substance of choice is. The best thing you can do is learn about detaching, which basically means focusing on yourself and your life and allowing her to live as chooses since she is a grown up. When you detach you do not do things for another grown up that they should be doing for themselves. And, yes, you can still love her and not support her choices or allow her to manipulate you. The busier you can keep yourself the better you will feel. I'm sorry you're going through this, as I am in a similar situation, except my daughter has a 2-year-old, which makes it really hard. You found a great place for advice and support. I also forgot to mention that you will learn to develop a thick skin about your daughter's issues. Keep this in mind: they are her issues, not yours nor any reflection on your parenting. A wise person on this board once told me this is not my fault unless I purposely neglected, abused or otherwise tried to inflict a bad life upon my daughter. Of course none of us here did those things, or we wouldn't even be here. But you have to learn there are a few people in your life who will listen and not judge you and there are a lot of people who want to hear your tales of her trouble for the shock value. Once you figure out who's who you can just focus on those who are your true friends. I have learned to give some pretty honest answers when people ask me about Kat and those who were just looking for the shock factor are stunned when I put it out there bluntly. It gives me a little laugh inside when they don't know how to reply. [/QUOTE]
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New to page - adult stepchild issues. HELP PLEASE
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