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New to PE ... not sure what the heck will happen
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 533388" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Linda, my dear friend....so many thoughts going thru my head, but the one thing that I keep coming back to is: What do YOU want/need? I think it would be pretty normal to not have an answer to that today, but I think it's a question you need to focus on (for a change).</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure I buy that the twins don't want you in their lives - I think it's more that the bright and shiny "18" has become their focus, with the illusions/delusions of independence, doing what they want, being "adults." Once the novelty of self-determination wears off, I think they may want you in their worlds, and I think that that is in a lot of ways a pretty typical for new "adults." It takes time for kids to appreciate and value their parent's input. And you are their mother, you have been their rock and shelter for a dozen years. No one will ever be to/for them like you have.</p><p></p><p>on the other hand, there is no question that raising them has taken an incredible physical and emotional toll on you, and I think it's wisest to assume that the drama will continue. I don't know how you're still standing, quite frankly. You are the strongest person I have ever met.</p><p></p><p>You know I let thank you define my involvement in his life, which was pretty limited until he hit about 20. And you know that difficult children will suck anyone and everyone *who allows it* into their drama. We talk about detachment, and it's a grand thing, but it takes a lot of work and practice and more than a little backsliding - and in my experience, it's a real bear once our kids are adults because we cannot intervene in any meaningful way. Perhaps with- the tweedles being "vulnerable adults," you *might* be able to be a bit more effective as their advocate, but... well, you know how skeptical I am of any state agency being proactive, especially for adults.</p><p></p><p>And so I come right back to - what do *you* want? What do *you* need? I understand the push by others' to sell your home and move, and I can't say it's a bad idea, but I'd hate for you to do it under pressure. All the major decisions I've ever made were made with a certainty in my gut - and not one of those decisions ever turned out to be wrong. I think it's important for you do do whatever you decide to do with the gut knowledge that it's right for you - even if it's selling every thing and moving to Bali to paint. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 533388, member: 8"] Linda, my dear friend....so many thoughts going thru my head, but the one thing that I keep coming back to is: What do YOU want/need? I think it would be pretty normal to not have an answer to that today, but I think it's a question you need to focus on (for a change). I'm not sure I buy that the twins don't want you in their lives - I think it's more that the bright and shiny "18" has become their focus, with the illusions/delusions of independence, doing what they want, being "adults." Once the novelty of self-determination wears off, I think they may want you in their worlds, and I think that that is in a lot of ways a pretty typical for new "adults." It takes time for kids to appreciate and value their parent's input. And you are their mother, you have been their rock and shelter for a dozen years. No one will ever be to/for them like you have. on the other hand, there is no question that raising them has taken an incredible physical and emotional toll on you, and I think it's wisest to assume that the drama will continue. I don't know how you're still standing, quite frankly. You are the strongest person I have ever met. You know I let thank you define my involvement in his life, which was pretty limited until he hit about 20. And you know that difficult children will suck anyone and everyone *who allows it* into their drama. We talk about detachment, and it's a grand thing, but it takes a lot of work and practice and more than a little backsliding - and in my experience, it's a real bear once our kids are adults because we cannot intervene in any meaningful way. Perhaps with- the tweedles being "vulnerable adults," you *might* be able to be a bit more effective as their advocate, but... well, you know how skeptical I am of any state agency being proactive, especially for adults. And so I come right back to - what do *you* want? What do *you* need? I understand the push by others' to sell your home and move, and I can't say it's a bad idea, but I'd hate for you to do it under pressure. All the major decisions I've ever made were made with a certainty in my gut - and not one of those decisions ever turned out to be wrong. I think it's important for you do do whatever you decide to do with the gut knowledge that it's right for you - even if it's selling every thing and moving to Bali to paint. :winking: [/QUOTE]
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