New to site and do not like my son

[afrustrated1]

I am a parent of two boys, one 16 who is an angel, respectful, nice polite and a 14 yr old terror. I am married for 18 years but my 14 yr old is straining our marriage. He is ODD and ADD. He has been on Zoloft and Concerta but is now just trying Intuniv and possibly Respridal which we have not started yet.
He is disrespectful, nasty, mean, lies and doesn't care about anything including school. I am at my wits end with him. We have done counseling which he never speaks at and refuses to go. We tend to ignore our 16 yr old as he is so quiet and easy which makes it harder for us along with everything else the guilt of that.
We just don't know what to do anymore with him. Stressed and angry mom here.

 

[JJJ]

(((Hugs))) Welcome. Please tell us more about your son. Who diagnosis your son? Has he ever had any pysch or neuropysch testing done? How is he at school? How was he as a younger child?

 

[AnnieO]

Welcome... and lots of gentle hugs.

I wish I had some answers for you right off the bat.

Did this behavior start suddenly, or has it been going on for a while? Is he in counseling at all? What does the older one think?

I am glad you found us... And really, truly sorry you had to.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Welcome - sorry you are here - but my goodness it is comforting knowing you are not alone, isn't it?
I had the same situation when difficult child was living at home. She was holy heck and our son is so compliant, easy going and so well behaved that he was on the back burner for a long time because ALL of our energy and focus went to the hellion. I wish I had advice. We didn't get anywhere good with ours. She is now off on her own and life is a whole lot more peaceful in our home, but not in my heart.
I wonder all of the time if I could go back in time to when she was 12, what could I have done to change her behavior? I don't believe there is anything I could have done that would have changed a whole lot. She was indeed born this way...
(((HUGS)))

 

[afrustrated1]

not sure what all the difficult child's husband's stand for, new here.

My son has been pretty difficult since a baby and that's why he is the second and youngest of two, we were done after him. It has gotten worse over the years but he has been on medications since about age 8 and he is now 14. He has not had psyc evaluation but has been to a few therapists to no avail. He is not good in school, he struggles with grades and is behind in reading and writing but I can't help him because he "knows everything" so I spend most of my free time trying to make sure he does all his work, constantly check his grades and run interfearence with teachers to make sure he gets all his work in and on time. The teachers can't stand me anymore as I am always emailing them about him and to help him when he doesn't care himself! He is extremely ODD, constantly fighting with us, we walk on eggshells all the time and I never know what I will get when I wake up in the morning for school. Tons of stress. I am exhausted from it all.

 

[JJJ]

Does he have an IEP at school?

I would strongly recommend that you push for full neuropsychologist testing. Without knowing what is wrong, the psychiatrists are just lobbing medications at him and hoping one works. It looks like they are all over the place with the medications too, yet haven't tried a first line mood stabilizer.

 

[afrustrated1]

He has an "official" IEP, the classes he has trouble in the teachers are working with us at the moment but he just doesn't want to help himself which is even more frustrating when the teachers and us the parents are trying to hard to help him. We are going to see a Psychiatrist in the near future and try again with therapists that have not worked in the past but will try again and also possibly family counseling to work with my interactions with him as we are so explosive together since he pushes my buttons all the time.

 

[JJJ]

I would strongly recommend that you get Ross Greene's two books "The Explosive Child" and "Lost At School". TEC is written to parents, I would read that one first. LAS is written to teachers but parents also get a benefit from it and it can help you with crafting his IEP goals and knowing what to ask for from the teachers.

 

[tiredmamax3]

I am the same boat as you.. I can completely relate. My 14 yr old is having same issues and comming to to this board has helped me soo much! It is totally a strain on our marriage as well. I feel your frustrations !!!

 

[karmadestiny]

HI there, I'm new too so no abbreviations I'm afraid...Do you mind if I ask have you ever sat down with him and tried to find out where all this anger is coming from and why? I am a mum to a ODD, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and ADHD child of 10...I can fully understand your dilemma, hence me being on this site too...p Hang in there!...x

 

[busywend]

You can hover your mouse pointer over the abbreviations for the spelled out words. difficult child = Gift from God (or the child that brought you here) husband = Dear Husband easy child = Perfect Child (although we know they are not perfect)

 

[busywend]

Why the Zoloft? And when was he put on that? What was the timing of starting the Zoloft & Concerta? How long in between?