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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 616188" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. What have you done nice for YOURSELF lately? But more about that later.</p><p></p><p>I have a mood disorder too and it is my responsibility to take my medication and go to therapy. Ditto for your son. It isn't your responsibility to take care of him anymore nor should he live in your house if he refuses treatment and is violent and disruptive to you. It is his decision to be non-compliant with his medications and, if, as you think, he may not have bipolar, his violence is his choice and should never be tolerated, mental illness or not. You could get hurt and you matter as much as he does. You have other loved ones who need you to be healthy and you need that for yourself. You can have a good, fulfilling life even if your son doesn't, and no parent should care for a difficult adult child forever.</p><p></p><p>I don't know for sure, but I am assuming he has also had recreational drug issues as well. In my opinion, as one who has suffered with mental illness and is doing well, the best thing you can do for your son is to make him take care of himself until he has to face how sick he is and get the proper help. After all, none of us can live forever and what happens to our grown dependent adult children if they have no skills to care for themselves?</p><p></p><p>I assume you are funding his cell phone and internet etc. even though he refuses treatment.</p><p></p><p>It may help if you give us a better idea what is going on.</p><p></p><p>I suggest you read the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. Because most of us came here codependent about our kids, sure WE had to fix them. Guess what? WE CAN'T. Only your son can fix himself. Not one person can make another one well. It is 100% up to your son to be compliant and accept his disorders and to get help. You can only enable his behavior and non-compliance. You can not make it better by giving him sympathy and a warm bed and food and a car and anything else he is getting from you in spite of his lack of willingness to get help.</p><p></p><p>There is a great article on the top of this page about detachment. I highly suggest you read it. We have all stood where you stand now and most of us were shocked when told we had to detach in order to help our adult children. It insulted me the first time I heard it, personally. But it's true and it's a learning process and not an easy one.</p><p></p><p>I feel so bad for your hurting mommy heart. I hope you do read the article about detachment. Your son is twenty-four. He needs to take control of his illness and other problems or he may never be able to do it. Sometimes we unwillingly make our grown children helpless and we beggar ourselves to try to help them. We end up old and sick because we were busy caring for our kids. Do you really want that? Does he work? Help around the house? Treat you with respect? Mow the lawn? Does he pay rent?</p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 616188, member: 1550"] Hi there. What have you done nice for YOURSELF lately? But more about that later. I have a mood disorder too and it is my responsibility to take my medication and go to therapy. Ditto for your son. It isn't your responsibility to take care of him anymore nor should he live in your house if he refuses treatment and is violent and disruptive to you. It is his decision to be non-compliant with his medications and, if, as you think, he may not have bipolar, his violence is his choice and should never be tolerated, mental illness or not. You could get hurt and you matter as much as he does. You have other loved ones who need you to be healthy and you need that for yourself. You can have a good, fulfilling life even if your son doesn't, and no parent should care for a difficult adult child forever. I don't know for sure, but I am assuming he has also had recreational drug issues as well. In my opinion, as one who has suffered with mental illness and is doing well, the best thing you can do for your son is to make him take care of himself until he has to face how sick he is and get the proper help. After all, none of us can live forever and what happens to our grown dependent adult children if they have no skills to care for themselves? I assume you are funding his cell phone and internet etc. even though he refuses treatment. It may help if you give us a better idea what is going on. I suggest you read the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. Because most of us came here codependent about our kids, sure WE had to fix them. Guess what? WE CAN'T. Only your son can fix himself. Not one person can make another one well. It is 100% up to your son to be compliant and accept his disorders and to get help. You can only enable his behavior and non-compliance. You can not make it better by giving him sympathy and a warm bed and food and a car and anything else he is getting from you in spite of his lack of willingness to get help. There is a great article on the top of this page about detachment. I highly suggest you read it. We have all stood where you stand now and most of us were shocked when told we had to detach in order to help our adult children. It insulted me the first time I heard it, personally. But it's true and it's a learning process and not an easy one. I feel so bad for your hurting mommy heart. I hope you do read the article about detachment. Your son is twenty-four. He needs to take control of his illness and other problems or he may never be able to do it. Sometimes we unwillingly make our grown children helpless and we beggar ourselves to try to help them. We end up old and sick because we were busy caring for our kids. Do you really want that? Does he work? Help around the house? Treat you with respect? Mow the lawn? Does he pay rent? Gentle hugs. [/QUOTE]
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