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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 616195" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome hopeful. I'm glad you found us. MWM has given you wonderful advice. All I can add to that is to make sure you get a good support system going as you navigate this new territory with your son. It will require you to learn detachment skills, that article MWM mentioned is also at the bottom of my post here..........</p><p></p><p>You may find comfort, support and resources at NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They offer good support groups for parents. You can access them online and they have chapters all over the US. It's important for you to get the necessary support.</p><p></p><p>Most of us here have to learn how to set strict boundaries around behavior which is negative, abusive, violent, disrespectful and manipulative. That requires that we recognize what it is we are not willing to put up with and what we are okay with. Then your son needs to abide by your wishes or face whatever consequence you feel is necessary. Often our kids do not react, respond or act like other kids, they are defiant, arrogant and blame others for their choices. It's a process to learn how to deal with all of that and learn how to detach. </p><p></p><p>We usually have to make distinctions between what enabling is versus loving kindness. Many of us are enablers which is not a healthy stance for us or for our kids. We have to learn to stop that behavior and adopt new behavior which allows our kids to face the consequences of their, often, bad choices. All of this takes time, support and a commitment to change what it is that is not working for us.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are going through this. You've arrived at a safe place where we really know how you feel. It helps to keep posting and venting and we will do our best to help however we can. I'm glad you're here.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 616195, member: 13542"] Welcome hopeful. I'm glad you found us. MWM has given you wonderful advice. All I can add to that is to make sure you get a good support system going as you navigate this new territory with your son. It will require you to learn detachment skills, that article MWM mentioned is also at the bottom of my post here.......... You may find comfort, support and resources at NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They offer good support groups for parents. You can access them online and they have chapters all over the US. It's important for you to get the necessary support. Most of us here have to learn how to set strict boundaries around behavior which is negative, abusive, violent, disrespectful and manipulative. That requires that we recognize what it is we are not willing to put up with and what we are okay with. Then your son needs to abide by your wishes or face whatever consequence you feel is necessary. Often our kids do not react, respond or act like other kids, they are defiant, arrogant and blame others for their choices. It's a process to learn how to deal with all of that and learn how to detach. We usually have to make distinctions between what enabling is versus loving kindness. Many of us are enablers which is not a healthy stance for us or for our kids. We have to learn to stop that behavior and adopt new behavior which allows our kids to face the consequences of their, often, bad choices. All of this takes time, support and a commitment to change what it is that is not working for us. I'm sorry you are going through this. You've arrived at a safe place where we really know how you feel. It helps to keep posting and venting and we will do our best to help however we can. I'm glad you're here..... [/QUOTE]
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