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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 616207" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Hopeful,</p><p>It sounds like you are in a hard place with your son, and without a lot of adult family support. I am sorry for all that.</p><p>My son is the same age. He also steals from us, and sometimes rings the neighbors doorbells or goes to my favorite restaurants asking for food and money.</p><p>I have a lot of empathy for the situation of living with an adult child who makes you feel unsafe, and who brings anger and strife into your home. It is stressful hurtful, shaming, and scary.</p><p>It isn't ok for him to treat you this way, or for you to live this way.</p><p>Start with a list of rules...cleaning up, shopping, no friends over. No shouting, no drugs. These are all kind of bare minimums, but a place to start. </p><p>You need to make it clear that these are rules of your house, and he can choose to abide by them or he will have to leave. No housing comes without rules.. Rentals, roommates, jail, rehab, mom's house... All have rules. </p><p>He is responsible for managing his own behavior, ill or not. You can't make him take medications but you can make taking medications, regular psychiatric appts, attending aa or na,and staying clean conditions for staying in your home, which sound more like your hell/prison now ( I say this with love, since I know how we get there)</p><p>If he is like my son, he may agree and then not comply, or comply very briefly. You will get tired of policing, he will get sneaky and have good excuses. </p><p>You must be prepared to have him leave.</p><p>Get the number of a 24 hour locksmith and be prepared to change locks. He doesn't sound to me like some one who should have open access to your house and belongings, and you should work towards believing that and addressing it. If you are lucky he will try to upset you by storming out. If he does... Change the locks. If he doesn't and continues to be a pot-selling, stealing, threatening gfs, then you should set a date for when he has to leave... Soon. If you feel unsafe then you need to secure yourself and your house.</p><p>Our difficult children are amazingly resourceful. They will find couches, cars, 'friends' , shelters, and short term jobs to get by. </p><p>It is time for him to be out of your house.. Unless he immediately becomes a responsible, steadfast source of support to you. Which seems unlikely.</p><p>You can't fix him, but he can fix himself. He won't do it till he has to, and maybe not then. You can't control that. You can regain your sense of safety, warmth in your home, security in your belongings, and pride in yourself. </p><p>The forum can help. Keep posting and think about what I said.</p><p>Hugs, </p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 616207, member: 17269"] Hopeful, It sounds like you are in a hard place with your son, and without a lot of adult family support. I am sorry for all that. My son is the same age. He also steals from us, and sometimes rings the neighbors doorbells or goes to my favorite restaurants asking for food and money. I have a lot of empathy for the situation of living with an adult child who makes you feel unsafe, and who brings anger and strife into your home. It is stressful hurtful, shaming, and scary. It isn't ok for him to treat you this way, or for you to live this way. Start with a list of rules...cleaning up, shopping, no friends over. No shouting, no drugs. These are all kind of bare minimums, but a place to start. You need to make it clear that these are rules of your house, and he can choose to abide by them or he will have to leave. No housing comes without rules.. Rentals, roommates, jail, rehab, mom's house... All have rules. He is responsible for managing his own behavior, ill or not. You can't make him take medications but you can make taking medications, regular psychiatric appts, attending aa or na,and staying clean conditions for staying in your home, which sound more like your hell/prison now ( I say this with love, since I know how we get there) If he is like my son, he may agree and then not comply, or comply very briefly. You will get tired of policing, he will get sneaky and have good excuses. You must be prepared to have him leave. Get the number of a 24 hour locksmith and be prepared to change locks. He doesn't sound to me like some one who should have open access to your house and belongings, and you should work towards believing that and addressing it. If you are lucky he will try to upset you by storming out. If he does... Change the locks. If he doesn't and continues to be a pot-selling, stealing, threatening gfs, then you should set a date for when he has to leave... Soon. If you feel unsafe then you need to secure yourself and your house. Our difficult children are amazingly resourceful. They will find couches, cars, 'friends' , shelters, and short term jobs to get by. It is time for him to be out of your house.. Unless he immediately becomes a responsible, steadfast source of support to you. Which seems unlikely. You can't fix him, but he can fix himself. He won't do it till he has to, and maybe not then. You can't control that. You can regain your sense of safety, warmth in your home, security in your belongings, and pride in yourself. The forum can help. Keep posting and think about what I said. Hugs, Echo [/QUOTE]
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