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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 616217" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Welcome, hopeful.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>I am working my way toward detachment, too. What I am beginning to understand is that detachment is about learning how to help our kids take responsibility for themselves by changing <u>our</u> responses. </p><p></p><p>What I am finding out is that changing my responses toward my adult kids involves alot of work on myself. My feelings of protectiveness and responsibility not only make me a sitting duck, but are probably instrumental in keeping my kids stuck in their own manipulative behaviors.</p><p></p><p>It's been a hard thing, hopeful? But very strengthening and freeing.</p><p></p><p>What kind of support system do you have there for yourself? </p><p></p><p>You posted that your son had come home some time back, and that things were fine, at first. Do you know what changed? </p><p></p><p>I think the dynamic between the two of you cannot be changed until, as MWM suggested, the son understands that his illness does not justify irresponsible behavior toward you or your home. </p><p></p><p>We are all working through similar things here, hopeful, and we are all doing the best we know. We all love our kids, and not a one of us has really been able to pinpoint how this happened to us or to our kids, or what to do about it besides getting healthier, ourselves. </p><p></p><p>Once we are healthier, the nature of the interaction changes, and that often helps the kids to be healthier, too.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 616217, member: 17461"] Welcome, hopeful. :O) I am working my way toward detachment, too. What I am beginning to understand is that detachment is about learning how to help our kids take responsibility for themselves by changing [U]our[/U] responses. What I am finding out is that changing my responses toward my adult kids involves alot of work on myself. My feelings of protectiveness and responsibility not only make me a sitting duck, but are probably instrumental in keeping my kids stuck in their own manipulative behaviors. It's been a hard thing, hopeful? But very strengthening and freeing. What kind of support system do you have there for yourself? You posted that your son had come home some time back, and that things were fine, at first. Do you know what changed? I think the dynamic between the two of you cannot be changed until, as MWM suggested, the son understands that his illness does not justify irresponsible behavior toward you or your home. We are all working through similar things here, hopeful, and we are all doing the best we know. We all love our kids, and not a one of us has really been able to pinpoint how this happened to us or to our kids, or what to do about it besides getting healthier, ourselves. Once we are healthier, the nature of the interaction changes, and that often helps the kids to be healthier, too. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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