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new to the board - impulse control disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 116381" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>HI, welcome. Sorry you need to be here, but glad you are.</p><p></p><p>As to whether impulse control disorder is the full problem - my point of view is perhaps a typical Aussie one, a lot of things seem to get labelled according to how they present (as in "he has Freckle Syndrome" because he happens to have freckles) when in fact they may just be part of something bigger (such as "he has red hair, pale skin and a tendency to freckle when he gets out into the sun).</p><p></p><p>To be more specific - my youngest son has a diagnosis of autism. He's also got a diagnosis of ADHD. However, some people consider ADHD and autism to be on the same spectrum, so it's perhaps the same disorder, just being given two separate labels. And when you add in other 'labels' which in my son's case are actually manifestations of the autism in him, we get a long list of:</p><p>ADHD</p><p>autism (moderate)</p><p>Semantic Pragmatic Disorder</p><p>Dyspraxia</p><p>Obsessive Compulsive Disorder</p><p>Hyperlexia</p><p>Anxiety</p><p>Sensory Integration Disorder</p><p>Impulse Control Disorder.</p><p></p><p>And probably many others. But in Australia, these aren't usually listed as discrete disorders but as manifestations of the already diagnosed autism. We treat the individual manifestations where we can and as they cause us trouble, but there are limits as to how much we can do at any one time.</p><p></p><p>Your son sounds like there could be a lot more going on than just "Impulse Control Disorder". You do have this one label, however, so it is still a useful starting point. I would keep looking, though, to see what else could be associated with it.</p><p></p><p>From your description and with the luxury of 20:20 hindsight, I would suspect a lot of your son's behaviour problems have been seriously complicated by the high likelihood of sexual abuse. His recent behaviour with his little brother - this often happens with someone who has been abused; they become an abuser.</p><p></p><p>You can short-circuit this but you will need to get him into counselling. If possible, get the little brother into counselling too, so he can be armed against any further attempts at abuse and know to report it to you.</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child may have been getting abused over a period of years. If so, it won't be an easy fix. My easy child was molested (again by another child) on a handful of occasions at most, but despite me getting her into counselling, there was a two year delay because she didn't tell me for that long, and there are still problems for her. Mind you, the counselling we got for her was woefully inadequate (again, 20:20 hindsight) and i think this may have also contributed to the failure to fully deal with it all. She does function well mostly, although there are subtle indications (such as her weight) that tell me she still has unresolved problems.</p><p></p><p>Back to your son - you mentioned that when he was 5, he burned his clothes while warming himself in front of the fire, apparently oblivious. He didn't feel hot, he didn't seem to smell anything. This sounds very much like a sensory integration issue - they often have unusual reactions to various sensory inputs, either being oversensitive (such as wanting clothing labels removed; refusing to wear certain fabrics or items; complaining about certain sounds) or being surprisingly insensitive, such as not feeling pain or heat or cold.</p><p>difficult child 3 was about 5 when he was climbing a tree while eating an icy pole. He fell out of the tree (he was pushed; he actually has good balance) and fell 2 metres landing head first on a rock. He didn't seem to notice the concussion, he was more concerned about where the icy pole was.</p><p>He would get a raging fever but seem OK otherwise - a medical examination would show middle ear infection and tonsillitis, but he gave no indication of having a sore throat or sore ears, when anybody else would have been screaming in agony. And yet he will moan for ages over a splinter in his finger. Today he's been wearing a heavy wool scarf all day because he has wryneck - it's blazing summer here, and he's been out shopping with us all day, wearing this scarf!</p><p></p><p>I would be looking further, considering your son may have another disorder (of which the impulse control is one part). I would be looking at a range of possibilities, including Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). You probably should get him assessed by a neuropsychologist to find out what is really going on. The sexual abuse would be on top of all this.</p><p></p><p>If he has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (or something else) this would have still made him more vulnerable to being abused. I really worry about difficult child 3, he is such a trusting soul and it is so easy for him to be manipulated. Another young autistic boy we know, was molested by an aide who took advantage of his disability. A woman I know who is physically handicapped and living alone was repeatedly raped by a bus driver whose job it was to drive a group of physically disabled people on outings for a charity organisation. When she tried to speak up about it, she was not believed because they didn't want to lose "a good bus driver", and they also were assuming she was "not the full quid".</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry your church failed to support you. Unfortunately, that happens all too often. I'm glad you are not judging the faith by the actions of a few officials.</p><p></p><p>A book to check out - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. A website to look at - <a href="http://www.childbrain.com." target="_blank">http://www.childbrain.com.</a> They have an unofficial Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on the site. You can't use it to diagnose, but it might be worth you running the test on difficult child, see what you think, see if it gives you any clues or sense of direction. You can print the test and take it to the doctor to see if it gives the doctor any ideas also.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying I think your son has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - we can't diagnose on this site, plus I only really understand Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), I don't know enough about other conditions (not at this level, anyway) to be able to properly compare. Plus, this poor lad has, I think, had a lot of different things to have to deal with.</p><p></p><p>If he is refusing his medications, at least he has told you why. I would praise him for being open about it. I think above all, you need to encourage him to be open with you. Kids lie to avoid getting into trouble. Even a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid can lie along the lines of "I didn't do it". They have more trouble making up complex stories that are completely untrue, unless someone has helped them to do so. For example, difficult child 3 came home from school and tell me, "Jack and his friends were hitting and kicking me today at school, that's why my knee is bleeding - they made me fall over by tripping me up." difficult child 3's friend then said yo me quietly, "I saw it - difficult child 3 is telling you the truth."</p><p>I wrote a note to his teacher asking him to help me find ways to keep difficult child 3 safer. The teacher's response was to interrogate difficult child 3 as follows: "Isn't it possible that Jack and his friends were not hurting you yesterday? Isn't it possible that you just tripped over your own shoelaces? They say you just fell over. You do understand that because of your autism, you sometimes misunderstand what is happening."</p><p>difficult child 3 then came home from school saying, "I thought Jack and his friends had deliberately hurt me, but my teacher explained how I must have been wrong." And the friend - too terrified to say any more on the topic, but sporting a few more bruises which he wouldn't talk about.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3's new version of events was not technically a lie, but because he so readily changed his story, his teacher assumed he had lied about Jack and his friends. S Jack and friends continued to terrorise the classroom and playground, secure in the knowledge that they now had the technique down well for keeping themselves safe from retribution.</p><p></p><p>Right now you and your son are in difficulties. To say the least. You need to be able to work as a team on his mental health issues, and this won't be easy, given the onset of puberty and the increased oppositionality it brings. </p><p></p><p>Get the book. It will help you find ways to work with him as a team. You will probably need to change y our ideas on parenting, maybe even turn them on their head, but it will work. It will also work with any other kids you have.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are not in contact with your sister, but under the circumstances it is for the best.</p><p>If your son has made it all up - staying away keeps her son in the clear of any more accusations. And if your son was telling the truth - staying away keeps HIM safe. </p><p>When the boys are older, maybe your sister will soften. Or maybe she will discover more for herself. Because an abuser, left untreated, will generally continue to abuse.</p><p></p><p>Stick around, stay in touch, keep us posted on how you get on. If you can, get your husband to lurk or post here too. You might think you're already working well as a team and nothing could make things better than perfect - trust me, we found our communication with each other improving out of sight when husband began lurking here.</p><p></p><p>Also, when you can do a sig so you don't have to keep telling us your important details (how old the kids are, what the diagnosis is etc) every time you post. It saves you time and energy.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 116381, member: 1991"] HI, welcome. Sorry you need to be here, but glad you are. As to whether impulse control disorder is the full problem - my point of view is perhaps a typical Aussie one, a lot of things seem to get labelled according to how they present (as in "he has Freckle Syndrome" because he happens to have freckles) when in fact they may just be part of something bigger (such as "he has red hair, pale skin and a tendency to freckle when he gets out into the sun). To be more specific - my youngest son has a diagnosis of autism. He's also got a diagnosis of ADHD. However, some people consider ADHD and autism to be on the same spectrum, so it's perhaps the same disorder, just being given two separate labels. And when you add in other 'labels' which in my son's case are actually manifestations of the autism in him, we get a long list of: ADHD autism (moderate) Semantic Pragmatic Disorder Dyspraxia Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Hyperlexia Anxiety Sensory Integration Disorder Impulse Control Disorder. And probably many others. But in Australia, these aren't usually listed as discrete disorders but as manifestations of the already diagnosed autism. We treat the individual manifestations where we can and as they cause us trouble, but there are limits as to how much we can do at any one time. Your son sounds like there could be a lot more going on than just "Impulse Control Disorder". You do have this one label, however, so it is still a useful starting point. I would keep looking, though, to see what else could be associated with it. From your description and with the luxury of 20:20 hindsight, I would suspect a lot of your son's behaviour problems have been seriously complicated by the high likelihood of sexual abuse. His recent behaviour with his little brother - this often happens with someone who has been abused; they become an abuser. You can short-circuit this but you will need to get him into counselling. If possible, get the little brother into counselling too, so he can be armed against any further attempts at abuse and know to report it to you. Your difficult child may have been getting abused over a period of years. If so, it won't be an easy fix. My easy child was molested (again by another child) on a handful of occasions at most, but despite me getting her into counselling, there was a two year delay because she didn't tell me for that long, and there are still problems for her. Mind you, the counselling we got for her was woefully inadequate (again, 20:20 hindsight) and i think this may have also contributed to the failure to fully deal with it all. She does function well mostly, although there are subtle indications (such as her weight) that tell me she still has unresolved problems. Back to your son - you mentioned that when he was 5, he burned his clothes while warming himself in front of the fire, apparently oblivious. He didn't feel hot, he didn't seem to smell anything. This sounds very much like a sensory integration issue - they often have unusual reactions to various sensory inputs, either being oversensitive (such as wanting clothing labels removed; refusing to wear certain fabrics or items; complaining about certain sounds) or being surprisingly insensitive, such as not feeling pain or heat or cold. difficult child 3 was about 5 when he was climbing a tree while eating an icy pole. He fell out of the tree (he was pushed; he actually has good balance) and fell 2 metres landing head first on a rock. He didn't seem to notice the concussion, he was more concerned about where the icy pole was. He would get a raging fever but seem OK otherwise - a medical examination would show middle ear infection and tonsillitis, but he gave no indication of having a sore throat or sore ears, when anybody else would have been screaming in agony. And yet he will moan for ages over a splinter in his finger. Today he's been wearing a heavy wool scarf all day because he has wryneck - it's blazing summer here, and he's been out shopping with us all day, wearing this scarf! I would be looking further, considering your son may have another disorder (of which the impulse control is one part). I would be looking at a range of possibilities, including Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). You probably should get him assessed by a neuropsychologist to find out what is really going on. The sexual abuse would be on top of all this. If he has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (or something else) this would have still made him more vulnerable to being abused. I really worry about difficult child 3, he is such a trusting soul and it is so easy for him to be manipulated. Another young autistic boy we know, was molested by an aide who took advantage of his disability. A woman I know who is physically handicapped and living alone was repeatedly raped by a bus driver whose job it was to drive a group of physically disabled people on outings for a charity organisation. When she tried to speak up about it, she was not believed because they didn't want to lose "a good bus driver", and they also were assuming she was "not the full quid". I'm sorry your church failed to support you. Unfortunately, that happens all too often. I'm glad you are not judging the faith by the actions of a few officials. A book to check out - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. A website to look at - [url="http://www.childbrain.com."]http://www.childbrain.com.[/url] They have an unofficial Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on the site. You can't use it to diagnose, but it might be worth you running the test on difficult child, see what you think, see if it gives you any clues or sense of direction. You can print the test and take it to the doctor to see if it gives the doctor any ideas also. I'm not saying I think your son has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - we can't diagnose on this site, plus I only really understand Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), I don't know enough about other conditions (not at this level, anyway) to be able to properly compare. Plus, this poor lad has, I think, had a lot of different things to have to deal with. If he is refusing his medications, at least he has told you why. I would praise him for being open about it. I think above all, you need to encourage him to be open with you. Kids lie to avoid getting into trouble. Even a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid can lie along the lines of "I didn't do it". They have more trouble making up complex stories that are completely untrue, unless someone has helped them to do so. For example, difficult child 3 came home from school and tell me, "Jack and his friends were hitting and kicking me today at school, that's why my knee is bleeding - they made me fall over by tripping me up." difficult child 3's friend then said yo me quietly, "I saw it - difficult child 3 is telling you the truth." I wrote a note to his teacher asking him to help me find ways to keep difficult child 3 safer. The teacher's response was to interrogate difficult child 3 as follows: "Isn't it possible that Jack and his friends were not hurting you yesterday? Isn't it possible that you just tripped over your own shoelaces? They say you just fell over. You do understand that because of your autism, you sometimes misunderstand what is happening." difficult child 3 then came home from school saying, "I thought Jack and his friends had deliberately hurt me, but my teacher explained how I must have been wrong." And the friend - too terrified to say any more on the topic, but sporting a few more bruises which he wouldn't talk about. difficult child 3's new version of events was not technically a lie, but because he so readily changed his story, his teacher assumed he had lied about Jack and his friends. S Jack and friends continued to terrorise the classroom and playground, secure in the knowledge that they now had the technique down well for keeping themselves safe from retribution. Right now you and your son are in difficulties. To say the least. You need to be able to work as a team on his mental health issues, and this won't be easy, given the onset of puberty and the increased oppositionality it brings. Get the book. It will help you find ways to work with him as a team. You will probably need to change y our ideas on parenting, maybe even turn them on their head, but it will work. It will also work with any other kids you have. I'm sorry you are not in contact with your sister, but under the circumstances it is for the best. If your son has made it all up - staying away keeps her son in the clear of any more accusations. And if your son was telling the truth - staying away keeps HIM safe. When the boys are older, maybe your sister will soften. Or maybe she will discover more for herself. Because an abuser, left untreated, will generally continue to abuse. Stick around, stay in touch, keep us posted on how you get on. If you can, get your husband to lurk or post here too. You might think you're already working well as a team and nothing could make things better than perfect - trust me, we found our communication with each other improving out of sight when husband began lurking here. Also, when you can do a sig so you don't have to keep telling us your important details (how old the kids are, what the diagnosis is etc) every time you post. It saves you time and energy. Marg [/QUOTE]
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