New to this forum & Looking for advice to keep myself from meltinng down

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Gillis, Sep 17, 2010.

  1. Gillis

    Gillis Guest

    Hi there! I am mom to a son (11years old) who is diagnosed severe ADHD, Bi Polar, and recently ODD. He's taking a medication for the bipolar, and I recently took him off of Risperidone. The ADHD has been untreated for 1.5 years as we have tried everything without success. He's also suicidal and has tried twice (first time when he was 6).

    He's very intelligent and a kind, sweet kid.

    I'm dealing with my own set of ADHD and BiPolar which is untreated (I've found that the medications make me a zombie, and I can't parent at all).

    So I have my melt downs when things hit the fan. Does anyone have any advice for helping me to be able to walk away, to relax, to not loose my temper? I've tried going into my room and closing the door, counting to ten or so, and even just giving up. But it all makes me madder.

    I'm not always melting down, but when I do I am consumed by guilt and just want to give up.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome. Perhaps one of the first things we can recommend, to help you manage him better (and also manage your own short fuse at times) is to read "The Explosive CHild" by Ross Greene. If you have a look around the site, you will find the book often gets recommended. There are a lot of "how to" books around, a lot of them seem to increase a parent's workload, when you already feel overloaded. I personally found this book reduced my workload, and even before I thought I was implementing anything, I felt difficult child 3's behaviour was improving. And I hadn't started doing anything! (so I thought). But what I HAD done, was change my mindset. My attitude to my child was part of the problem, although of course there was a helluva lot more to it. But make a tiny start somewhere, and it can begin a positive reinforcement loop in behaviour turnaround.

    I'm in a bit of a rush tonight, so I'll leave off now (don't want to overload you anyway). I'll check back in a while.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome to the board.
    The very first thing I think you should do in my opinion is to go to a brand new Psychiatrist and tell him you feel like a zombie on the medications you've been on and can he try something else. I have a mood disorder myself and, no matter how hard I try, I can not control my emotions or temper without some medication. I've had the "zombie" problem like you, but I did find a medication mix that doesn't dope me up at all (it took a long time to find it, but I didn't give up). Until you are being treated and stable, it WILL be hard for you to control your moods because BiPolar (BP) is a physical problem. I don't take mood stabilizers. I simply do not like the flat way they make me feel...ugh. So I know where you coming from. I happened to find that a combo of Paroxatene and Clonazapan (as needed) are enough to make me sane and almost normal ;) I've been on them for over fifteen years now and they are my friends.
    Sometimes you have to just keep on trying until something works. I like cognitive behavioral therapy too, but it just wasn't enough when I wasn't on medications. After medications, it kicked in and helps me still, all these years later.
    Welcome to the board. Sorry you have to be here.
  4. Gillis

    Gillis Guest

    Yeah, I think I have The Explosive Child somewhere, and have gone through it before about 5-6 years ago. I should give it another read.

    I've been thinking about going back to medications for myself. I've just been really reluctant to try due to bad experiences. Which is hypocritical as I have my son on BiPolar (BP) medications. lol I take care of him, but seem incapable of taking care of myself.

    Thanks for the replies. I'll probably be back to the forum. I appreciate the help and warm wishes. :D
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    that is true mom talking i can help him yet not myself!! been there, done that, learn each day to try to take care of me and it isnt' easy! lol

    i know what you mean about the guilt when you do not handle things exactly how you feel in your mind you should. reading thru the book again is a good idea. have you ever tried yoga or just meditation? it sounds silly yet meditating can help alot. classes can be expensive. if you go on utube you can find how to videos on there. if you begint to do it each morning before you wake up and deal than each night before you go to bed. and begin to get the hang of it that's a great thing to do when you need a mom time out.

    welcome again!!!
  6. Blue Nude

    Blue Nude Guest

    I find that I need to have a physical outlet. I go to they gym every evening on the way home from work before I go home to deal with the nightly battle. It is absolutely necessary. I don't think of it as selfish or a luxury. If I'm going to be a calm and (somewhat) effective parent, I HAVE to go break a serious sweat and release my own serotonin and endorphins.

    Best of luck! I'm new to this forum as well. It's nice to know I'm not alone.