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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 698853" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>You have already received some really good advice here but I want to get a bit of clarification. Were the straws found in the husbands truck or the grandson's? If the grandson's and he's not working, how can he afford to drive? Ok, just saw that it is his truck but if he can't afford insurance then I'm assuming he can't really afford gas either.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You will be much better off if you can see him for the man he is instead of a child. My wife, Lil, has this problem as well although she's gotten much better about it. The problem with thinking this way is that we all have the desire to protect little children from themselves. You can't do this with an adult and to try only makes them resent you and resist all that much more. My wife had to take all of the pictures of our son as a child out of her office. That helped, although she still sometimes tries to save him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I apologize if this sounds callous but so what if he got a raw deal? People get raw deals every day and most deal with it and live their lives like everybody else. He very possibly has a mental health issue passed on to him genetically from his mother. This is a reason and he has absolutely no control over having this issue. He's self medicating, violent, abusive, manipulative, insert whatever other negative actions of his here because HE CHOOSES TO DO THESE THINGS. Not yelling there, just trying to emphasize the point. With a very few exceptions such as schizophrenics, EVERYONE has the choice of what they will or won't do, how they will or won't act. We all use the phrase "So and so makes me so angry" but this isn't true. Nobody can MAKE us angry. We allow them to do so.</p><p></p><p>I've worked in the Department of Corrections for 24 years now and I've seen a lot of people who got a "raw deal". Some of them were even inmates. Funny thing is, when you challenge those inmates who say they are like they are because they got a raw deal and ask why those hundreds of others who lived around you and grew up in the same basic circumstances DIDN'T turn to crime, they tend to shut up about the raw deal thing. Its all about choice.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>How long has he had the temper? If its been around most of his life then the substance abuse is only making it worse but if it didn't, then he's probably into substances much worse than marijuana. And realistically, the straw is very probably about a snorted substance. There are certain prescription medications that are snorted for a high. Anyone remember if any anti-depressants fall in this category?</p><p></p><p>Anyway, you will get a ton of good advice from people on this forum. Just remember that the advice is coming from their personal experiences and may or may not be relevant to you. Take what you need and leave the rest. Oh, and since nobody has mentioned it yet it would be a good idea to review the article on detachment found here <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4JZojMHJU" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4JZojMHJU</a></p><p>and just in case that link doesn't work, its at the beginning of the Parents Emeritus forum. Welcome to our little corner of the internet.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 698853, member: 18238"] You have already received some really good advice here but I want to get a bit of clarification. Were the straws found in the husbands truck or the grandson's? If the grandson's and he's not working, how can he afford to drive? Ok, just saw that it is his truck but if he can't afford insurance then I'm assuming he can't really afford gas either. You will be much better off if you can see him for the man he is instead of a child. My wife, Lil, has this problem as well although she's gotten much better about it. The problem with thinking this way is that we all have the desire to protect little children from themselves. You can't do this with an adult and to try only makes them resent you and resist all that much more. My wife had to take all of the pictures of our son as a child out of her office. That helped, although she still sometimes tries to save him. I apologize if this sounds callous but so what if he got a raw deal? People get raw deals every day and most deal with it and live their lives like everybody else. He very possibly has a mental health issue passed on to him genetically from his mother. This is a reason and he has absolutely no control over having this issue. He's self medicating, violent, abusive, manipulative, insert whatever other negative actions of his here because HE CHOOSES TO DO THESE THINGS. Not yelling there, just trying to emphasize the point. With a very few exceptions such as schizophrenics, EVERYONE has the choice of what they will or won't do, how they will or won't act. We all use the phrase "So and so makes me so angry" but this isn't true. Nobody can MAKE us angry. We allow them to do so. I've worked in the Department of Corrections for 24 years now and I've seen a lot of people who got a "raw deal". Some of them were even inmates. Funny thing is, when you challenge those inmates who say they are like they are because they got a raw deal and ask why those hundreds of others who lived around you and grew up in the same basic circumstances DIDN'T turn to crime, they tend to shut up about the raw deal thing. Its all about choice. How long has he had the temper? If its been around most of his life then the substance abuse is only making it worse but if it didn't, then he's probably into substances much worse than marijuana. And realistically, the straw is very probably about a snorted substance. There are certain prescription medications that are snorted for a high. Anyone remember if any anti-depressants fall in this category? Anyway, you will get a ton of good advice from people on this forum. Just remember that the advice is coming from their personal experiences and may or may not be relevant to you. Take what you need and leave the rest. Oh, and since nobody has mentioned it yet it would be a good idea to review the article on detachment found here [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz4JZojMHJU[/URL] and just in case that link doesn't work, its at the beginning of the Parents Emeritus forum. Welcome to our little corner of the internet. [/QUOTE]
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