Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Newbie / 24 yr y/o son in jail again
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 416195" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome. I am sorry your son is causing such pain for you. Lots of others have advice.</p><p> </p><p>I would refuse to bail him out, to give him ANY financial support except rides to rehab/treatment. If you show up to give him a ride and he is high, don't let him in. If you realize it after he is in the car, pull over and tell him to get out and walk. If he won't, call 911. If he EVER get violent or threatens you, call 911. </p><p> </p><p>Any financial support, even groceries, frees up his money so he can buy drugs/alcohol. It is so hard to do, esp as much as you clearly love him, but if you aren't part of the solution then you are part of the problem. on the other hand, you must live with yourself and have to face yourself in the mirror. No one makes the tough choices "right" every time - mostly because there isn't a "right" answer any of the time. So you must do what you can live with. We all understand this here because we have all had to make the tough choices and live with the aftermath - good and bad.</p><p> </p><p>If you do choose to give him some kind of support, give gift cards or actually take the groceries to him. If you pay a bill, pay it straight to the company. </p><p> </p><p>As you make decisions, think about where you and wife and your friends were at24. Did you live with your parents with them paying for everything while you did nothing? What would have happened if you had tried? By age 24 your son is a man. Not your baby or a child or even a teen. He is old enough to be responsible for his actions. You should explore why you have been willing to allow him to spend so long in your home, esp as he has met so very few of the minimal conditions you set down for him to live with you. </p><p> </p><p>Here is the SUPER IMPORTANT thing. Get yourself and your wife into therapy - indiv and marriage - and go to alanon/narcanon meetings as often as possible. Addiction is a FAMILY DISEASE. This means that it infects every aspect of every family member's life even if they don't realize it. So everyone needs treatment.</p><p> </p><p>Not every meeting will be a good fit, so the usual advice is to go to seven different meetings in seven days. Different times and locations - call the local AA or Alanon number in your phone book or look online to find meetings. Also check the papers for listed meetings. You and wife should go to some meetings together and some separately. It is crucial because it lets you work out things about each other.</p><p> </p><p>many hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 416195, member: 1233"] Welcome. I am sorry your son is causing such pain for you. Lots of others have advice. I would refuse to bail him out, to give him ANY financial support except rides to rehab/treatment. If you show up to give him a ride and he is high, don't let him in. If you realize it after he is in the car, pull over and tell him to get out and walk. If he won't, call 911. If he EVER get violent or threatens you, call 911. Any financial support, even groceries, frees up his money so he can buy drugs/alcohol. It is so hard to do, esp as much as you clearly love him, but if you aren't part of the solution then you are part of the problem. on the other hand, you must live with yourself and have to face yourself in the mirror. No one makes the tough choices "right" every time - mostly because there isn't a "right" answer any of the time. So you must do what you can live with. We all understand this here because we have all had to make the tough choices and live with the aftermath - good and bad. If you do choose to give him some kind of support, give gift cards or actually take the groceries to him. If you pay a bill, pay it straight to the company. As you make decisions, think about where you and wife and your friends were at24. Did you live with your parents with them paying for everything while you did nothing? What would have happened if you had tried? By age 24 your son is a man. Not your baby or a child or even a teen. He is old enough to be responsible for his actions. You should explore why you have been willing to allow him to spend so long in your home, esp as he has met so very few of the minimal conditions you set down for him to live with you. Here is the SUPER IMPORTANT thing. Get yourself and your wife into therapy - indiv and marriage - and go to alanon/narcanon meetings as often as possible. Addiction is a FAMILY DISEASE. This means that it infects every aspect of every family member's life even if they don't realize it. So everyone needs treatment. Not every meeting will be a good fit, so the usual advice is to go to seven different meetings in seven days. Different times and locations - call the local AA or Alanon number in your phone book or look online to find meetings. Also check the papers for listed meetings. You and wife should go to some meetings together and some separately. It is crucial because it lets you work out things about each other. many hugs. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Newbie / 24 yr y/o son in jail again
Top