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Substance Abuse
Newbie...desperate mom with 20 yo addict...court tomorrow
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 578216" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Oh my. I'm sorry you had to find us but glad that you did. Like Nancy said, your story could be my story without the violence but that might be because my difficult child is a girl. Instead of violence, she stole from us and verbally abused us and brought drugs into our home.</p><p></p><p>I had several reactions to your story. Like my difficult child, yours was a easy child for a very long time until a sudden change happened in the early teenage years. I would look at the possibility of a dual diagnosis of mental illness and substance abuse. Often, mental illnesses manifest in the adolescent/early adulthood years. Of course, that doesn't give your difficult child the right to abuse you or take advantage of living with you while doing whatever he pleases. It just might help you understand the sudden changes.</p><p></p><p>I am not a big fan of kicking out difficult child's if there are mental health issues involved and they are trying to get better and going to counseling. However, in your case, I don't see that you have any choice since your difficult child is not willing to get help or even admit his substance abuse problem. So, yes, in my opinion, it is time for him to leave the comfort of your home. Maybe your difficult child will be willing to admit his problems and seek help once he realizes that you will not allow him to take advantage of you anymore and he has to start supporting himself.</p><p></p><p>If you can't bring yourself to kick him out (and depending on the state you live in you may have to go through the eviction process to get him out), by all means cut off all financial support immediately. You don't owe him a car, insurance, food or cell phone. Remember that anything you pay for him just gives him money that he can spend on drugs instead. If he chooses to drive without insurance, it is on him. Once of my biggest problems was not letting my difficult child suffer the consequences of her actions. If he gets a ticket or loses his license because he won't pay for his car insurance, so be it. Chalk it up to a life lesson. </p><p></p><p>by the way, my difficult child also used the emotional blackmail of suicide threats. You need to call each and every time he makes a threat. They probably won't do anything but at least he will see that you are willing to call his bluff.</p><p></p><p>As our therapist says, you can't change your difficult child's behavior but you can change your reactions to it.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. We are here to listen and offer support and advice. Take the advice that is helpful to you and ignore the rest.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 578216, member: 1967"] Oh my. I'm sorry you had to find us but glad that you did. Like Nancy said, your story could be my story without the violence but that might be because my difficult child is a girl. Instead of violence, she stole from us and verbally abused us and brought drugs into our home. I had several reactions to your story. Like my difficult child, yours was a easy child for a very long time until a sudden change happened in the early teenage years. I would look at the possibility of a dual diagnosis of mental illness and substance abuse. Often, mental illnesses manifest in the adolescent/early adulthood years. Of course, that doesn't give your difficult child the right to abuse you or take advantage of living with you while doing whatever he pleases. It just might help you understand the sudden changes. I am not a big fan of kicking out difficult child's if there are mental health issues involved and they are trying to get better and going to counseling. However, in your case, I don't see that you have any choice since your difficult child is not willing to get help or even admit his substance abuse problem. So, yes, in my opinion, it is time for him to leave the comfort of your home. Maybe your difficult child will be willing to admit his problems and seek help once he realizes that you will not allow him to take advantage of you anymore and he has to start supporting himself. If you can't bring yourself to kick him out (and depending on the state you live in you may have to go through the eviction process to get him out), by all means cut off all financial support immediately. You don't owe him a car, insurance, food or cell phone. Remember that anything you pay for him just gives him money that he can spend on drugs instead. If he chooses to drive without insurance, it is on him. Once of my biggest problems was not letting my difficult child suffer the consequences of her actions. If he gets a ticket or loses his license because he won't pay for his car insurance, so be it. Chalk it up to a life lesson. by the way, my difficult child also used the emotional blackmail of suicide threats. You need to call each and every time he makes a threat. They probably won't do anything but at least he will see that you are willing to call his bluff. As our therapist says, you can't change your difficult child's behavior but you can change your reactions to it. Keep posting. We are here to listen and offer support and advice. Take the advice that is helpful to you and ignore the rest. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Newbie...desperate mom with 20 yo addict...court tomorrow
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