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newbie - feel like I'm going under!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 162068" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome, Toffee. For an advance peek at "Explosive Child" check out the Early Childhood forum, there is a really good thread there (locked to the top, it is so good) which explains it very well. </p><p>The really good thing about that book - it really helps with the oppositional behaviour, in a way that makes it easier for you, not harder.</p><p>A part of me just cringes when people say, "You should read such-and-such a book, it will give you the tools you need to work with your child more effectively," because too often it means trying to make sense out of the incomprehensible, at a time when I'm just too tired to draw up charts, tables, rules etc.</p><p></p><p>It's not like that at all. That's why I love it.</p><p></p><p>Instead, I found that difficult child 3's behaviour began to improve while I was reading the book, well before I had a chance (I thought) to begin to use any of the stuff in it. I think what was happening - as I was beginning to get a different point of view on difficult child 3 and why he behaved the way he did, he seemed to sense there was a different way of interacting and that I was not being oppositional TO HIM. Instinctively, I was already beginning to use the techniques.</p><p></p><p>Then it snowballed, in a good way. As his behaviour improved, my attitude to him improved, which led to improved behaviour form him, and so on.</p><p></p><p>It also involves taking a step back and not fussing about all the problems all at once. it's letting go of most of it, so you can deal with just a little. Then as that is dealt with, you pick up a little more, and so on. It makes it much more manageable and much easier to succeed - you and the child.</p><p></p><p>I also highly recommend, if you can - get husband to read the posts here as well. Not only will it help him to understand the problems, it will also help your communication. I didn't think anything could improve communication between me and husband, because we talked to each other as much as we could anyway, but the more he lurks here, the more he learns about the little things we never think to tell each other. And what a difference it has made to us! it has also made an unexpected difference to husband's relationship with difficult child 3, because he picks up a great deal 'by osmosis' and it all snowballs (again, in a good way).</p><p></p><p>I do understand the tiredness you feel. It is sheer purgatory sometimes, trying to cope with a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Like MWM, I also am querying whether the diagnosis isn't hiding something more. it's always worth considering - difficult child 1 turned out, ten years after originally diagnosed as ADHD, to in fact be Aspergers (plus ADHD). It explained things a lot better and also meant we had a better idea how to get him the help he REALLY needed.</p><p></p><p>Stick around, let us know how you get on.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 162068, member: 1991"] Welcome, Toffee. For an advance peek at "Explosive Child" check out the Early Childhood forum, there is a really good thread there (locked to the top, it is so good) which explains it very well. The really good thing about that book - it really helps with the oppositional behaviour, in a way that makes it easier for you, not harder. A part of me just cringes when people say, "You should read such-and-such a book, it will give you the tools you need to work with your child more effectively," because too often it means trying to make sense out of the incomprehensible, at a time when I'm just too tired to draw up charts, tables, rules etc. It's not like that at all. That's why I love it. Instead, I found that difficult child 3's behaviour began to improve while I was reading the book, well before I had a chance (I thought) to begin to use any of the stuff in it. I think what was happening - as I was beginning to get a different point of view on difficult child 3 and why he behaved the way he did, he seemed to sense there was a different way of interacting and that I was not being oppositional TO HIM. Instinctively, I was already beginning to use the techniques. Then it snowballed, in a good way. As his behaviour improved, my attitude to him improved, which led to improved behaviour form him, and so on. It also involves taking a step back and not fussing about all the problems all at once. it's letting go of most of it, so you can deal with just a little. Then as that is dealt with, you pick up a little more, and so on. It makes it much more manageable and much easier to succeed - you and the child. I also highly recommend, if you can - get husband to read the posts here as well. Not only will it help him to understand the problems, it will also help your communication. I didn't think anything could improve communication between me and husband, because we talked to each other as much as we could anyway, but the more he lurks here, the more he learns about the little things we never think to tell each other. And what a difference it has made to us! it has also made an unexpected difference to husband's relationship with difficult child 3, because he picks up a great deal 'by osmosis' and it all snowballs (again, in a good way). I do understand the tiredness you feel. It is sheer purgatory sometimes, trying to cope with a difficult child. Like MWM, I also am querying whether the diagnosis isn't hiding something more. it's always worth considering - difficult child 1 turned out, ten years after originally diagnosed as ADHD, to in fact be Aspergers (plus ADHD). It explained things a lot better and also meant we had a better idea how to get him the help he REALLY needed. Stick around, let us know how you get on. Marg [/QUOTE]
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