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newbie - feel like I'm going under!
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 162078" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Welcome! How many people tell you to 'just stop arguing with him?' - Ugh! I hated that one. But, there was some validity to it. Just not in the way they meant for it to happen. </p><p> </p><p>Well, the first thing I learned here that helped to decrease the battles in my home is that traditional parenting just does not work with these kids. You have to change if you want different results. What you are doing now isn't working, right? So, time to change it up. It is hard. Believe me. </p><p> </p><p>Try to get creative. You know it might not be the best parenting method, but if it stops battles in your home - it is OK. Afterall, what you were doing was accomplishing nothing. So, why not accomplish less battles? See where I am going here? </p><p> </p><p>Trust me, it will go against your very being to have to change up some of your parenting methods - especially since you will keep using your current ones with your younger child in the hopes that it will be effective for him. </p><p>That is right. You will parent them both differently. Talk about being uncomfortable!</p><p> </p><p>It is OK. We give permission here. You do not have to worry about every little thing he is arguing about. If he can not/will not finish his homework - it is OK to send him to bed without having it done. </p><p>This is what The Explosive Child really says. Put things in 3 categories or baskets. Basket A is the stuff you will absolutely never give in on - like looking both ways when you cross the street, wearing a seat belt, not playing with matches, etc. </p><p>Pick 2 or 3 things to put in Basket B - the things you want to work on first. Say taking a shower every other day, picking up toys before bed and saying one thing nice to someone in the house each day. </p><p>Then the rest of the argument topics go into Basket C. They do not get worked on right now. Nobody is going to die if he mouths off and gets away with it. </p><p> </p><p>My list is examples, and you may have completely different prioritites for what you will work on in Basket B. Perhaps the morning routine is horrendous - start there. Pick 3 things about the morning that you really want to work on. Explain exactly what you expect and what the consequences are. Let him give input, too. He may have something to say about it that is valid. Be specific. </p><p>At night, do not engage in the battle. If he mouths off, just ignore him. If he keeps it up send him to his room without raising your voice. Be like a robot. </p><p> </p><p>I have rambled, sorry!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 162078, member: 391"] Welcome! How many people tell you to 'just stop arguing with him?' - Ugh! I hated that one. But, there was some validity to it. Just not in the way they meant for it to happen. Well, the first thing I learned here that helped to decrease the battles in my home is that traditional parenting just does not work with these kids. You have to change if you want different results. What you are doing now isn't working, right? So, time to change it up. It is hard. Believe me. Try to get creative. You know it might not be the best parenting method, but if it stops battles in your home - it is OK. Afterall, what you were doing was accomplishing nothing. So, why not accomplish less battles? See where I am going here? Trust me, it will go against your very being to have to change up some of your parenting methods - especially since you will keep using your current ones with your younger child in the hopes that it will be effective for him. That is right. You will parent them both differently. Talk about being uncomfortable! It is OK. We give permission here. You do not have to worry about every little thing he is arguing about. If he can not/will not finish his homework - it is OK to send him to bed without having it done. This is what The Explosive Child really says. Put things in 3 categories or baskets. Basket A is the stuff you will absolutely never give in on - like looking both ways when you cross the street, wearing a seat belt, not playing with matches, etc. Pick 2 or 3 things to put in Basket B - the things you want to work on first. Say taking a shower every other day, picking up toys before bed and saying one thing nice to someone in the house each day. Then the rest of the argument topics go into Basket C. They do not get worked on right now. Nobody is going to die if he mouths off and gets away with it. My list is examples, and you may have completely different prioritites for what you will work on in Basket B. Perhaps the morning routine is horrendous - start there. Pick 3 things about the morning that you really want to work on. Explain exactly what you expect and what the consequences are. Let him give input, too. He may have something to say about it that is valid. Be specific. At night, do not engage in the battle. If he mouths off, just ignore him. If he keeps it up send him to his room without raising your voice. Be like a robot. I have rambled, sorry!! [/QUOTE]
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