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Newbie intro- frustrated mom of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) teen
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 579248" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. Anther adoptive mother. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a very serious illness. Has she ever had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) therapy? When you first got her? </p><p></p><p>Adopted kids tend to have more issues for many reasons, none of it parenting. Their birthparents pass along gentic problems. They sometimes do not get prenatal care and/or use alcohol/drugs while pregnant. That damages the poor c hild for life. My one son we adopted at two whose birthmother had no prenatal care and used drugs has a form of autism. The doctors thinks the drugs caused it or at least helped it along.</p><p></p><p> Older adopted kids usually had such horrible infancies and toddlerhoods, with no special caregiver nurturing them, that it is almost unreasonable to expect them not to have huge problems. We used to call this "failure to thrive." It can be emotional as well as physical. My experience both in adopting children and in being active in a large adoptive parent group is that if you adopt children, especially those who are not infants, you are going to be dealing with a lot of problems, sometimes Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), often some sort of attachment issues if not full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is rarely an easy ride if one decides to adopt older children. Sometimes babies by six months old have been so neglected they are already damaged, but if you get help very early it can sometimes be reversed.</p><p></p><p>Of course, they don't tell us this when we adopt. We learn the hard way...real life. The truth is, you can not love these problems away and DNA, by the way, is huge. They will often, if not usually, be more like their biol. family, even if they never met them, than like you. NOT ALWALYS. I have a son whose birthmother was an addict who left him and he is the sweetest soul on earth, but I wonder sometimes if his birthmother was a sweet soul too, and then poverty got her involved with drugs and screwed her up. At any rate, don't blame yourself. The lying is part of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)...they trust nobody, and they were conditioned early on to trust nobody. It's not you. It's their hard wiring. I am not sure help is out there for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids as old as your daughter, but you may want to look into it. A regular psychiatrist and therapist, who don't study adoptive kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), probably won't help you at all. Understand that the behavior makes sense to your daughter based on her early years. Understand that YOU DID NOT CAUSE ANY OF THIS. But she didn't cause her behavior either. I know that doesn't help. I had a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child who was so dangerous we had to let him go and I really can't feel sympathy toward him because he hurt my other children. But the fact is, he was doomed before he was even a year old. Actually....it's sad. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids not only don't want to be loved, it scares them and they push us away sometimes in socially unacceptable ways or even criminal ways.</p><p></p><p>Welcome here and I hope you keep posting. We'll do all we can to help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 579248, member: 1550"] Hi. Anther adoptive mother. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a very serious illness. Has she ever had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) therapy? When you first got her? Adopted kids tend to have more issues for many reasons, none of it parenting. Their birthparents pass along gentic problems. They sometimes do not get prenatal care and/or use alcohol/drugs while pregnant. That damages the poor c hild for life. My one son we adopted at two whose birthmother had no prenatal care and used drugs has a form of autism. The doctors thinks the drugs caused it or at least helped it along. Older adopted kids usually had such horrible infancies and toddlerhoods, with no special caregiver nurturing them, that it is almost unreasonable to expect them not to have huge problems. We used to call this "failure to thrive." It can be emotional as well as physical. My experience both in adopting children and in being active in a large adoptive parent group is that if you adopt children, especially those who are not infants, you are going to be dealing with a lot of problems, sometimes Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), often some sort of attachment issues if not full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is rarely an easy ride if one decides to adopt older children. Sometimes babies by six months old have been so neglected they are already damaged, but if you get help very early it can sometimes be reversed. Of course, they don't tell us this when we adopt. We learn the hard way...real life. The truth is, you can not love these problems away and DNA, by the way, is huge. They will often, if not usually, be more like their biol. family, even if they never met them, than like you. NOT ALWALYS. I have a son whose birthmother was an addict who left him and he is the sweetest soul on earth, but I wonder sometimes if his birthmother was a sweet soul too, and then poverty got her involved with drugs and screwed her up. At any rate, don't blame yourself. The lying is part of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)...they trust nobody, and they were conditioned early on to trust nobody. It's not you. It's their hard wiring. I am not sure help is out there for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids as old as your daughter, but you may want to look into it. A regular psychiatrist and therapist, who don't study adoptive kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), probably won't help you at all. Understand that the behavior makes sense to your daughter based on her early years. Understand that YOU DID NOT CAUSE ANY OF THIS. But she didn't cause her behavior either. I know that doesn't help. I had a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child who was so dangerous we had to let him go and I really can't feel sympathy toward him because he hurt my other children. But the fact is, he was doomed before he was even a year old. Actually....it's sad. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids not only don't want to be loved, it scares them and they push us away sometimes in socially unacceptable ways or even criminal ways. Welcome here and I hope you keep posting. We'll do all we can to help. [/QUOTE]
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