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Newbie looking for support/advice separating from emotions
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 496429" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I am not sure of the exact question here.... but from the schools perspective, when I have had parents who are not together but both have custody or rights then we had to send duplicate of everything to both addresses (unless the parents opted to not do that in writing)... so that way both parents know conferences are coming up, both know of an IEP meeting, both know if grades are not good etc. </p><p></p><p>As a step parent you only have whatever permission the legal parents/guardians have allowed you and the school needs to see that in writing.</p><p></p><p>We have discussed one thing here on the board though, one way to help this child fundamentally... which will ultimately help to allow the child to be able to concentrate and do their best, is to NOT put them between parents. Never (no matter what a jerk the bio mom is) let this child think anything but that ALL of you have his best interests at heart. Even if bio mom is bashing you... do not go there. In the end, your relationship will be ruined and the child ends up feeling terrible...like they came from these bad people and they are teh cause of the problems (kids always think the world revolves around them, including causing bad things to happen). If you need to correct something the child says about you, just say... oh mom must have misunderstood. That happens with grown-ups.... I would love to come to your play at school... ( or whatever the issue is)....</p><p></p><p>In terms of homework and support, when he is with you... have a routine set up... Offer breaks, special hot chocolate (or whatever comfort drink...water in a special cool cup with a swirly straw or whatever... a special "homework office" just for him... no one can bug him there.... and a plan for what to do when homework is over. He can have a bell or a card to hold up if he needs help or if he is the kind to want someone to sit with him then do that. If he has an IEP, then read the accommodations. Do the same at home... like be a scribe while he answers the questions using his voice... or read the questions aloud for him if not a reading assignment. lots of stuff can be done... if you write the specific needs there are many parents here who can give hints on how to help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 496429, member: 12886"] I am not sure of the exact question here.... but from the schools perspective, when I have had parents who are not together but both have custody or rights then we had to send duplicate of everything to both addresses (unless the parents opted to not do that in writing)... so that way both parents know conferences are coming up, both know of an IEP meeting, both know if grades are not good etc. As a step parent you only have whatever permission the legal parents/guardians have allowed you and the school needs to see that in writing. We have discussed one thing here on the board though, one way to help this child fundamentally... which will ultimately help to allow the child to be able to concentrate and do their best, is to NOT put them between parents. Never (no matter what a jerk the bio mom is) let this child think anything but that ALL of you have his best interests at heart. Even if bio mom is bashing you... do not go there. In the end, your relationship will be ruined and the child ends up feeling terrible...like they came from these bad people and they are teh cause of the problems (kids always think the world revolves around them, including causing bad things to happen). If you need to correct something the child says about you, just say... oh mom must have misunderstood. That happens with grown-ups.... I would love to come to your play at school... ( or whatever the issue is).... In terms of homework and support, when he is with you... have a routine set up... Offer breaks, special hot chocolate (or whatever comfort drink...water in a special cool cup with a swirly straw or whatever... a special "homework office" just for him... no one can bug him there.... and a plan for what to do when homework is over. He can have a bell or a card to hold up if he needs help or if he is the kind to want someone to sit with him then do that. If he has an IEP, then read the accommodations. Do the same at home... like be a scribe while he answers the questions using his voice... or read the questions aloud for him if not a reading assignment. lots of stuff can be done... if you write the specific needs there are many parents here who can give hints on how to help. [/QUOTE]
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