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Newbie looking for support/advice separating from emotions
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 496439" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Hi... Welcome!!! (Toy Story fan?)</p><p></p><p>Onyxx and Jett are my Buzz and Wheezy. And you are in a tough spot, because... You have NO legal rights. You are "only" a stepmother. BUT...</p><p></p><p>"Only" - HAHAHAHA! YOU are going to end up being the strong one, trust me. BONUS MOM, I say.</p><p></p><p>From a stepmom's perspective - A lot of people will try to tell you not to replace the kids' mom. Yup. They're right. When you have a not-good situation, you don't want to, anyway. You are your own person... So...</p><p></p><p>#1 - If your husband has court ordered visitation, and <em>the kids are not getting to spend time with their father</em> - it's all in how you phrase it - he may have to file with the court. been there done that, it was horrid. If he is paying support, he should have ordered visitation, because support is based on how much time the kids are with him/bio. However... You cannot tie support to visitation, i.e., he can't NOT pay support because he doesn't see the kids. Ugh.</p><p></p><p>#2 - Any time the kids have with their Dad and you - please, please, please don't say anything negative about biomom. They'll figure it out on their own. It could take YEARS. It might not.</p><p></p><p>#3 - School. If Dad has normal parental rights, i.e. access to school & day care records (extremely common), he can add you as an emergency contact. HOWEVER - they have attempt to contact bio & your husband first, then they can call you. Go to parent-teacher conferences, IEP meetings, etc. with your husband - you're involved, you're part of the family - but you won't sign anything, of course. Anything that you say, however, can be put in the record. Make it clear in this way that you are involved, that you care - but don't be pushy! (This isn't for you, it's for the kids.)</p><p></p><p>There's not much YOU can do to override biomom. You CAN, however, show Wheezy and Buzz you love them - in YOUR way. Don't try to be someone else.</p><p></p><p>And if I sounded harsh? I apologize... I've been with my husband for almost 8 1/2 years, married 6 1/2, alternating weekends for 2 years, every weekend for 2 years, residential for 2 years, and sole custody (husband of course) for almost 3 years now. I've been there. It's a LOT OF WORK.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 496439, member: 6705"] Hi... Welcome!!! (Toy Story fan?) Onyxx and Jett are my Buzz and Wheezy. And you are in a tough spot, because... You have NO legal rights. You are "only" a stepmother. BUT... "Only" - HAHAHAHA! YOU are going to end up being the strong one, trust me. BONUS MOM, I say. From a stepmom's perspective - A lot of people will try to tell you not to replace the kids' mom. Yup. They're right. When you have a not-good situation, you don't want to, anyway. You are your own person... So... #1 - If your husband has court ordered visitation, and [I]the kids are not getting to spend time with their father[/I] - it's all in how you phrase it - he may have to file with the court. been there done that, it was horrid. If he is paying support, he should have ordered visitation, because support is based on how much time the kids are with him/bio. However... You cannot tie support to visitation, i.e., he can't NOT pay support because he doesn't see the kids. Ugh. #2 - Any time the kids have with their Dad and you - please, please, please don't say anything negative about biomom. They'll figure it out on their own. It could take YEARS. It might not. #3 - School. If Dad has normal parental rights, i.e. access to school & day care records (extremely common), he can add you as an emergency contact. HOWEVER - they have attempt to contact bio & your husband first, then they can call you. Go to parent-teacher conferences, IEP meetings, etc. with your husband - you're involved, you're part of the family - but you won't sign anything, of course. Anything that you say, however, can be put in the record. Make it clear in this way that you are involved, that you care - but don't be pushy! (This isn't for you, it's for the kids.) There's not much YOU can do to override biomom. You CAN, however, show Wheezy and Buzz you love them - in YOUR way. Don't try to be someone else. And if I sounded harsh? I apologize... I've been with my husband for almost 8 1/2 years, married 6 1/2, alternating weekends for 2 years, every weekend for 2 years, residential for 2 years, and sole custody (husband of course) for almost 3 years now. I've been there. It's a LOT OF WORK. :hugs: [/QUOTE]
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