Newbie Says Hello.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mama2abc, Apr 4, 2012.

  1. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    Hi Everyone!
    I found this forum via the Google machine last night as I was looking for a parenting forum for parents who have been blessed with special gifts from God. My husband and I took our son in to be tested because we felt we had exhausted all parenting techniques and knew we were dealing with something unique. I knew I couldn't "pray this away" and we needed help. Although, I am on my knees daily which certainly helps! I hope this forum can help with some parenting tips, encouragement, etc. for our family. Maybe someday when I grow up, I can share some of the wisdom I have gathered on our journey. I look forward to getting to know you all and learning from you!

    (Any advice, guidance, or tips to share about this message board that will help me navigate, would be greatly appreciated!)
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi, Mama2abc, welcome!
    could you create a signature and profile (you'll see the words at the top right of the screen, click on them and follow the directions). Then you won't have to repeat yourself when we ask, how old is your son? What was he like as a baby? What sort of testing did he have done? Did you get the results yet? Is he in school? On grade level? On any medications?
    Are there any siblings?
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome!

    I'll tell you a bit about the board... and you can tell us a bit more about your son... fair deal?

    Most of this board is split by "topic"... Parent Emeritus is for "old kids" (adult children) issues. Early Childhood is for "little kids". The only two that are not obvious are Watercooler and General Parenting. Watercooler is for anything that is not about parenting... it's the virtual "watercooler" where we gab while we "take a break"... you'll find everything there from humour, to household-tip questions to ... well, everything under the sun. And General... is where you will probably spend most of your time... by default, it's about "school-aged kids". But you're welcome to stick your nose into any forum and/or thread that interests you.

    Acronyms and such... <tee hee> Welcome to the great mysteries of the world! Yes, we pull the short-form thing lots around here. Some are pretty standard if you do IM and/or texting, Know what I mean?? (Know what I mean? is texting shorthand for know what i mean). been there done that - been there, done that. Then there's the medical-related short forms - and we do all of those, plus our own extensions... rx = prescription, diagnosis = diagnosis, tx = therapy. ADHD, Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ODD, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), BiPolar (BP), etc. etc. Notice how some of those have a little underline? hoover your mouse over the word, and an explanation should pop up.

    Site help and resources includes a listing of some of the common short forms, for a start.

    Have you turned on private messaging? Its a way for members to communicate without "posting" on the public board. We don't share identifying info on the board - including names of clinics, schools, etc. - but we can do that by PM. Sometimes I'll respond with short-form answer on-board, and provide more (private) details by PM, for example.

    Please do up a signature when you have time - it helps us keep track of your situation, when responding to threads and posts...

    Look forward to getting to know you!
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and welcome!

    How old is your son?
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome!

    Who tested your son and what did it show? Can you please share his early years and family situation with us? Thanks and glad you found us!
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi and welcome. Don't need to wait till you grow up to share! We are all works in progress and the process is what we all can relate to so it is encouraging and helpful if you chime in on anything you can relate to. So glad you found us, I am one of those who feels we are brought here when we needed it and the help was there to receive. I hope you find that too!

    SO, what is up exactly with you guys? HUGS, Dee
  7. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    Thank you for the warm Welcome!! I did update my signature and my photo but , it looks like I didn't save it! DOH! I will go back and do it again after I reply to some of your questions....

    My DS is 11 years old and in the 5th grade. We also have twins (boy & girl) who are 8 with personalities all their own but, the reason I am here is for my oldest.

    2 summers ago my husband and I hit that parenting wall where it felt like we had tried every parenting technique with our son and nothing seemed to be working. Or, we felt like we got it under control and then it would all fall apart again. Through lots of prayer and encouragement by dear friends, we took him into a clinic to have him tested. We honestly were not expecting anything but, some guidance in how to parent our firstborn. We walked away from the clinic with a diagnosis of ODD, ADHD, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (mostly the anxiety part)...a "cocktail of fun" we call it. :) To make a looong story short, we got him set-up with a 504 at school and read up a bunch. Unfortunately, our insurance does not cover therapy and we are not in a financial place to pay out of pocket. We are believers and are confident that our Lord has a plan for our son (and us) through all of this. We are taking each day at a time and doing our best.

    I have been a member of online communities in the past and I know what a treasure it can be to chat with others riding in the same boat. I can't wait to learn about your families as well. Again, thank you for the warm welcome....gotta go get the kids off the bus! (and I promise to update my siggy/picture as soon as I can)
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    What kind of professional did the testing?

    Can you share with us some of the behavioral issues you are facing?

    How was his early development, did he speak on time, early? is he into any special hobbies or interests? How does he play with others??? (imaginative?, only video games? only chase kinds of games? etc....) How does he do when you go from one place to another or one activity to another? How does he transition in other words....
    How is his sleep?
    Does he have any good friends? Does he get invited to things like birthday parties etc. and when he does can he participate in games. Does he play team sports?
    Does he understand humor? Does he do ok with teasing? Does he understand tone of voice, facial expression etc.???

    The reason I am asking is because so so so many of our kids have had the adhd+anxiety+ODD diagnosis and they ended up really being on the Autism Spectrum because those are common symptoms under that umbrella diagnosis. Several others end up having ADHD plus other things like motor and or auditory processing problems, and still others have emotional disabilities. Other parents can share their thoughts and you can see if any of it rings a bell. IF not, no biggie, it is just what we do...share and offer ideas.

    And YES it can just be those things (that you listed) as the final diagnosis too! Just that it is important to really have it checked out because the interventions including accommodations in school are very very different. Once kids have the right accommodations (visual cues, social training, ability to take breaks and training in how to and when to take breaks etc... many other things.... ) the adhd and other things can seem less. Now, of course there are kids who also have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) AND those diagnosis. but usually in my humble opinion it is under the umbrella.

    If your insurance wont cover the evaluations (even speech and Occupational Therapist (OT)???) you might try county social services, ask for the division that does case management for kids with special needs. Sometimes there are mental health funds and since behavior is part of it you can do it thru them but when you go that route (psychologist, behavioral analysist, counselors, etc....) they may focus more on emotional and behavioral diagnosis rather than neurological/developmental diagnosis. YeS it is expensive, many larger centers will do sliding scales (you may have to wait but worth it) and then payment plans....I DO understand how stressful it is to be struggling that way.

    The other clue you gave is that you are now in 5th grade... this is the time that most of these kids (third thru 5th) who are pretty high functioning start to crack... just have a much harder time coping with the increased social demands and also the demands for more self organization and general independence.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the update.
    I'm sorry you can't afford therapy. It really, really helps if you get a good therapist. I would still look into it because some have a sliding fee scale.
    I would also recommend several books, and suggest you do one thing at a time. You won't be able to effect changes to all the behaviors at once. Also, if there is an underlying issue, such as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (Asperger's or bipolar) you will have to totally re-evaluate your parenting.
    I'll wait to hear/read more from you.

    The Out-of-Sync Child
    Driven to Distraction
    The Explosive Child
    The Defiant Child, Dr. Douglas Riley
    Dr. Riley's Box of Tricks

    Sorry I don't have all the authors; I have poison ivy and am on Benadryl and can't concentrate.
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    If he is having issues at school, you can get some therapy (social work or counseling) at school to help him with social skills, managing emotions, rule following, etc
  11. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    Finally. My Babies are sleeping and I can respond to some of your questions. THANK YOU for all of your questions, advice, and concerns already. I am sure there are others that struggle with many more challenges and I appreciate you being here and taking the time to support me! Here we go...

  12. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    THANK YOU for the book recommendations. I will have to add them to my giant list of reads. Thankfully, when the Lord provides the money, we have many wonderful therapists/counselors we can go to. That is just not an option for us at this time.

    I am sooo sorry you have poison ivy!!! I hope you can heal quickly.

  13. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    We have him on a 504. Unfortunately, the school system has been taken advantage of in our district so it was fight to even get him on a 504. I have not had the best support through the school system regarding my son. It has been mostly me encouraging, following up, and constantly looking over the shoulder of the teacher. :(

  14. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    Lets see if I have this straight, then...
    Significant on-going issues with:
    - sleep
    - "attention"
    - following instructions
    - "listening"

    This in particular caught my attention:
    Assuming that the ADHD is an accurate diagnosis - and it may well be - your son sounds a lot like my difficult child at that age.
    Has he ever been evaluated by an Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory and motor skills issues? Some of the smallest, unlikely issues can be huge in a school setting, and majorly draining. The good news is, Occupational Therapist (OT) therapy, and some well-placed accommodations at school, make a huge difference.

    How about a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation, especially for auditory processing disorders? This is the one that almost killed our difficult child. Literally. His hearing is great, his language development is normal (therefore, schools would not support an Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation... we had to pay for our own). The problem? He can't focus on the important sounds, when there is background noise. So... one-on-one in a quiet setting, he did great. In a classroom? total disaster. And every grade that went by, got majorly worse.

    The interesting thing about APDs is that the symptoms (especially in a classroom) look very much like ADHD. Lack of attention. Not being detailed. Restless. Not "listening"..... sound familiar? To make it even more complicated... a person can have either, or both!

    And then there's the sleep issues. Sleep study? Sometimes it helps to re-establish a quiet bedtime routine... dim lights, quiet activities only, soporific snack (glass of warm milk with a bit of honey, maybe?). Does he tend to flail around, maybe fall out of bed? If so, a larger bed helps - or even taking the bed out and just having a mattress on the floor. (falling out of bed is a major wake-up, and makes it harder to go back to sleep... we had to line pillows along the wall so that crashing into the wall didn't wake him up either) Sometimes, just dealing with the other major energy drains improves sleep. Other times, it may take a medications adjustment or other help. But... poor quality sleep (even if they get enough quantity) will always make other issues much worse, and can even produce behaviour problems when there is no other cause.

    If you can only afford to pursue one of these, I'd be tempted to start with the Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Wow. have you looked into high functioning autism? Sounds so much like my son when he was small that it's amazing. He also spoke late, dragged me around, pointed, etc....then one day broke into speech, like it happened overnight! How does he socialize with his same age peers? Any quirks or obsessive interests? Does he have sensitivities to textures, foods, loud noise, smells, anything? Can he transition from one activity to another without melting down?

    Often, at a young age, these kids are dxd. with ADHD, but it becomes more apparent that more is going on as they get older and do not learn how to socialize appropriately. There are some great interventions that can help a lot. A neuropsychologist evaluation (I know you've had evaluations...yes, it gets tiring) can really help.

    Can you get Medicaid?
  16. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    When he was being tested, they did specifically question us with high functioning autism in mind. They didn't think at that time this is what he has and I agree. But, it was all so new a couple years ago and I wonder if he was re-tested what his diagnosis would be now? We would be able to answer the all the questions with more knowledge now, so who knows!
  17. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    I forgot to ask. How is your son now? What age is he?
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My son is now eighteen. He is doing a lot better than anyone ever thought he would do, but he got A LOT of help and interventions.
  19. mama2abc

    mama2abc New Member

    thats encouraging and good to hear! thank you for your input ;)
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking HF autism/Asperger's and sensory issues. Sorry, I forgot to mention the sensory i ssues before.
    When he doesn't respond to a raised tone of voice, that's a clue.
    Also, that he doesn't understand his effect on other people. The theory of mind stuff is the hardest!