Newbie...searching for answers, glad I stumbled in...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bigboneded38, Sep 30, 2011.

  1. bigboneded38

    bigboneded38 New Member

    Hello everybody. I wanted to introduce myself and tell my story. I need help, and don't usually approach others until I'm at the end. I have been a part of one other forum, dealing with infidelity, but not until I had exhausted every other option, and it saved my life...I am so glad I did it. Hopefully I can find a similar result here.

    Also, I apologize if there is a more appropriate place or time for this post, but the website is big and I didn't spend enough time looking to see if this was an OK thing to do here. ;)

    Anywaaaays...I am a 37 year old single Dad. I have a BA in Psychology and have slowly been working on my MA and PhD for a while. I am raising a 9 year-old boy (LT), with the help of my beautiful girlfriend. We have been together for about 13 months, but have been best friends for a long time and were good friends in H.S. before our paths veered. I recently moved myself and Liam to Alaska from Northern California for greener (and far snowier) pastures. I was previously married (14 years), and raised my older son (Woody, 17) from the time he was about 2.5. He was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated at age 3. So I have some experience raising a child with some issues. Through the breakup of my marriage (ex-wife was a cheating opiate addict) my older boy wound up with his bio-Dad, and I got custody of my younger boy.

    So there's a thumbnail sketch. The reason I am here is to garner help in dealing with Liam.

    LT is a beautiful, loving, extremely smart, 9 year old in 4th grade. His main problems are with impulse control, aggressive Bx/bullying, lying, and verbal disruption. He has had difficulty with these since approx. age 4. As I said, Woody was diagnosis with ADHD at a young age, LT's problems were manifested at a slightly older age, but the severity and frequency have escalated beyond anything I saw with my older boy. LT has always been a problem at school, and he is an after-school program in which he gets in trouble on a regular basis as well.

    THIS WEEK, LThas left the after-school campus without permission twice, passed a cruel note, hit a kid with a shoe and been suspended for two days. At school, he has had two days of in-school suspension, one for kicking a kid who wouldn't stop singing, and today for holding a younger kid against the wall and threatening the kid if he didn't vote for him in the upcoming school election, from which he has subsequently been banned.

    I have done everything I know to do, from behavior mod, to positive consequences, ignoring bad behavior, etc. I have had help from teachers, school admin, friends, and family. The only thing I haven't done is get physical. Nothing has changed a thing. This leads me to believe that his problem is not in being a bad kid, he's not, but in his ability to control himself...he acts without forethought, and I can't prevent it. I am leaning toward CD, as he is cognitively aware of right/wrong, love, empathy/compassion, but he is too impulsive to refer to his cognitive abilities and feelings. Example: he LOVES dogs and babies and stuffed animals, and doesn't harm these things, but when it comes to dealing with other kids in large-group situations, he becomes a whole different kid. It is SO frustrating, because EVERY day, I smile and start the day with hope and think "today's gonna be a good day", and more days than not, I am wrong.

    I, myself, had behavioral issues growing up. At the time they didn't diagnose kids with ADD, ODD, or CD, and I was never treated, so I started with being verbally disruptive in class, and escalated to full criminal behavior and substance abuse by age 14. It took me until I was about 22 to stop with the chemicals, and til about 30 to recover completely and get my life together (right about then, my teetotalling wife went off the deep-end and almost undid everything I had worked so hard to fix).

    All of this, while slowly ballooning into more than I intended, is to say, 'HELP'.

    Do any of you relate? Are there mirror images here for any of you? What has worked? What can I do? I don't want my son's adolescence to be like mine. I want him to be normal. I love him more than can be expressed and I am so scared.

    (Probably should add that I don't have any health insurance for another 5 weeks, so I can't afford Dr's until then.)

    Thanks, you guys. While I don't feel any better after typing this...I do have more hope.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2011
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here.

    I am wondering if birthmom drank or did drugs while she was pregnant with LIam? This could have a profound affect on him...I have adopted a child who had that sort of pre-birth exposure to substances. Also, I think maybe you should take him to a psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist just as soon as your insurance kicks in. Make an appointment NOW as there are often waiting lists for the best people. As educated as you are, it is hard to treat one's own child, let alone see him clearly, without emotion. It sounds like he is not in any sort of treatment. Does he have a school IEP?

    I would take the evaluation route, if this were my child. It is very common for our kids not to respond to normal interventions that therapists suggest. I'm sorry you are having a hard time with him. Did he have a rocky time in his early years? Did he sort of get passed around from one caregiver to another...in other words did he lack consistent caregivers?
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome...

    First, some "house-keeping"... thanks for making a sig! If you're using "real names" in your post, please edit those out, for safety. Location doesn't need to be quite that specific... (Alaska would be fine, for example). We all work with assumed names and so on around here, for the present and future safety of our kids and ourselves.

    Second... so, its a few weeks until insurance kicks in. That really isn't all that long - and you need to figure out what you need, so the gap in time might be a good investment.

    OK... down to business.
    We usually have a raft of questions for newcomers. It helps us understand the situation, relate to what is going on. Hope you don't mind...

    9 years old. Grade 4. Common situation for problems to escalate - because the expectations at school just went through the roof. Instead of learning to read, to write, to do basic math... you have to use that stuff as though it was second nature. Hidden disabilities (more on that soon) with a bright/creative kid can be missed entirely... these kids "fly under the radar". But it doesn't work forever. So, I'm not surprised. (It was a key point in time for our difficult child too.)

    Hidden disabilities... now the questions.
    - Motor skills - gross (sports, riding bike, etc.) and fine (tieing shoes, dressing, writing) - good? bad? average? can do but hates it?
    - Does he read for pleasure? or hate reading?
    - Is he keeping up in school?
    - ever had ANY testing done? Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), Occupational Therapist (OT), IQ, etc.? (some of this can be done through the schools)
    - is there any history of issues, challenges, or dxes in the family? obviously some, but... list of?
    - sleep patterns - falls asleep instantly? or takes forever? (either is a problem); restless sleeper? racoon-eyes (really dark circles under the eyes)?
    - eating patterns - is he "skinny" compared to how much he eats?

    Also... how close are you to a major centre? Such as... a teaching hospital, or children's hospital, or specialty clinics, that sort of thing?
     
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Hello, and Welcome!

    Many, many issues are genetic. Dad with issues + Mom with issues = High probability of child with issues. Were you ever diagnosed with anything? Did you ever seek formal treatment? If not, in hindsight do you see possible diagnosis for yourself? Has your ex been diagnosed with anything? After getting some distance from her do you see any possible diagnosis? These "possible dxes" for you and biomom are a good place to start researching. With my kids I mostly saw (when they cropped up) the same issues that I or my family members have. Their father had no known obvious issues (I was also to close to see them). However, when he left, more information materialized, and more and more became clear. I began to look at my kids through the filter of both of us, and it makes more sense now.

    So anyway, like MWM, suggested, start lining up your appointments for when your insurance kicks in. That way you won't have to wait any longer.

    If you haven't already read it, pick up a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Green. You might find some great insights in there.

    Don't ever underestimate hope. It's a good thing. It gets us through yet another day. :)
     
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi there. I am fairly new here too and I am glad you have joined. it is so scary and painful to have a child who is going through this. you love them and yet get so darn frustrated with them at the same time. I second that you need outside perspective (I have worked with sp. needs kids for over 20 years, but I would never home school or do therapy with my own son...no way. I totally agree with your insight when you said it must be more than just a behavior issue, kids generally dont want to be in trouble all of the time, even when they sometimes seem like it! If traditional behavior methods would work then he would be doing much better by now. Many of our difficult child's need non traditional parenting and school programs. The ability to learn from a consequence may or may not be there, but in any event for many of them it doesn't matter...they just can't access that information when they truly need it. We spend tons of time looking for what triggers them and trying to work around the antecedents to patterns of behaviors. It is tricky and takes a lot of people working together. medications do help many kids, but it is a hard search for the right medications for many of us. And for some kids....medications just dont do anything.
    A couple of things made me wonder if your son has some sensory integration issues. Getting overwhelmed in large groups...getting overly excited in bigger social games....just a thought, could be way off base but that's why we are here for eachother in part...to throw ideas out and what fits go ahead and check out and what doesn't apply feel free to say it is not for you.
    I thought the same thing as Midwestmom, smacks of neuro issues, so was wondering about drug exposure prenatally. Would she have told you the truth if he was exposed? And between 0-3 was he in a stable home....did you have full custody then too? Since secure attachment and our ability to be aroused(hunger,pain etc) and then calm, is mainly formed during those years, kids like mine who ended up either passed between relatives or in foster care, and those who have pain or other physical issues that can't be helped by the primary caregiver can deveop insecurity and anger or even reactive attachment disorder. You dont have to answer, just something for you to think about.
    My son and from what I am learning many of our kids here have severe behaviors on a daily basis so you have come to a good place for understanding. I am sorry you are in this position (for him too)....I hope you can hold on till the insurance kicks in. Love the idea of making the appointment now because you may not get in for months. Once it does kick in, dont take no for an answer, get a neuropsychologist evaluation and/or see specialists in children with behavior challenges (not just any psychiatrist or therapist). You may want to check to see if you can get an occupational therapy evaluation (Occupational Therapist (OT)) to see if there are any even small sensory concerns. You can request a complete school evaluation too esp. if he is missing a lot of school for behavior issues. For children not on an IEP, there is some protection under the law if you have even written an email saying you have concerns about special needs issues so that it is documented if he ever gets kicked out for a longer period of time. It gives him rights as a child who is at risk or suspect of having special needs and helps him stay where he is but to receive help to modify his behaviors and to stay in his home school with peers.

    not sure if you are using his real name, but given the severe nature of the issues on this board and because you have ex issues to deal with, you may want to not be quite as specific. Your call, just being overly cautious.
    Oh, just saw a new post so insanecdn filled you in, smile. Ditto to all she said, smile. Esp. that milder forms of some disabilities do not show up as strongly till third/fourth grade when language demands increase exponentially along with many more unwritten social rules. Hang in there and keep us posted. Tons of kids are misdiagnosed or not diagnosed when young then to find out later they have Learning Disability (LD), autism, bi-polar, whatever....wish it was not so but it is.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi and Welcome! This is the perfect place and way to introduce yourself! Don't worry about stuff like that. We will let you know (nicely, of course) if there is a more effective way to do things on here. Pretty much we just start a thread for each problem/issue. If those are your real names/your child's real name, please please please change them. If not for your privacy, do so for your child's. Things we put on the internet are pretty much there forever, same reason inappropriate things on facebook are a big problem with teens, Know what I mean??

    PLEASE, even though you have formal training in psychology, do NOT leap to a conduct disorder diagnosis. Remember that your son's brain will not be finished growing until his mid twenties - over a decade from now! ODD is a pretty useless diagnosis in many of our opinions. It does not give you ANY idea what is going on or how to treat it, just says the child is misbehaving. Could be autistic spectrum related (like my difficult child) or ADHD or brain trauma or personality disorder or even food allergies. DON"T get invested or caught up in ODD. ODD symptoms go away when the underlying problems are treated. Your son is WAY too young to be given a conduct disorder diagnosis = there isn't really much hope for that, and it is sort of a "throwaway" diagnosis in my opinion. At least in my area a lot of the therapists won't treat a kid with cd because "it won't really help". LOTS of what your son does are due to various types of immaturity (social, brain, emotional, etc....).

    My difficult child knew what love was, and was so violent he could not live iwth us, but was mostly violent with us and only at school when he was really pushed. psychiatric hospital for 4 mos at 12 because a sp ed teacher pushed him to a psychotic break, and then at 14 I had to have the police remove him and refused to let him live iwth us. I love him so much it hurts, but I love his siblings just as much. All of us, including my difficult child who hated me for a long time, now agree that moving difficult child out was the only option = keeping him here would have meant that one of us, either me, difficult child or my daughter, died or was wounded enough to leave permanent damage. Where is my child who was so violent? He lives 15 mn away with my parents, is in his second yr of college iwth a 4.0gpa, is an AMAZING, kind, loving young man who has become an awesome big brother and son. How did it happen? Part was being the only child in the house, part was living with my parents. Wiz has aspergers and so does my dad. Mom has managed my dad for close to 50 yrs, and after my father let Wiz realize that Wiz would die if he threatened or laid a finger on my mom, they got through. One of the things that helped SO MUCH was hard physical labor.

    When Wiz misbehaved, he got to do yardwork. Not raking leaves, helping clear out their over-landscaped (by the previous owner 20+ yrs ago) overgrown huge yard. Getting all the stuff out of hedges, picking up limbs from the trees as they fell or were trimmed, hours and hours and hours of it. My dad worked side by side with him, because otherwise difficult child would not work. I was not, and am not, physically able to do that and my husband worked and had a long commute nad couldn't. We tried, and we did a LOT of things in earlier years that set the foundation for this to work. ALL of it was needed.

    The hard physical labor for any real infraction may seem overkill or mean. So be it. It uses another type of memory, and Wiz would eventually be able to decide if it was worth it to do X when he would spend Y hrs in hard labor. My parents' house has NEVER looked so great after Wiz was there a couple of years, lol. The other big things that really helped were that my dad was a retired jr high teacher and that his Aspergers left him more inflexible than Wiz, so Wiz didn't have a chance to run over him. Add natural and logical consequences and a woman more than happy to turn her creativity to those consequences, well, somehow it worked. We all worked hard thsoe years, I dealt with quite a few episodes where he "ran away" and I brought him back.

    Your son CAN get better. I am not saying that CD won't be the diagnosis, but I am saying that there is a LOT of hope that it is something else. You also need to read some books. First is The Out of Sync Child. Sensory Integration Disorder can create a LOT of problems, esp with impulse control, because certain things just rob the child of all ability to cope. How do I know? That is how I was as a child and still am some days. I also have kids with those problems. According to two psychiatrists, if we had ignored my youngest's sensory issues he probably would have ended up with an aspergers or high functioning autism diagnosis. We got treatment by age 3 or 4 and today? He still has problems but is able to do a LOT more than we really even ever hoped he could. The boy is brilliant, iwth a fluid and flexible mind that finds the most amazing solutions to problems, but it can get locked up by sensory problems. When he is overloaded sensory-wise, he has NO impulse control at all. NONE. Otherwise, he is my thinker.

    You also need to read The Explosive Child and Lost at School. Share them with your son's school. Use collaborative problem solving - it can help stop a LOT of problems. Also read some of the love and logic books. They may seem at odds with The Explosive child, but they help you identify the natural and logical consequences and use those to help modify behavior. There are a lot of different l&l books, pick the one(s) that seem to fit your situation from the descriptions at www.loveandlogic.com. You can order from them or from any bookstore (I always check abebooks.com and amazon marketplace to see if there is a used copy - but I am a cheapskate!)

    Get some evaluations set up - private Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory evaluation, audiologist for Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD), neuropsychologist for all sorts of things including but not limited to leraning difficulties and adhd, and stick around here. in my opinion without this board and the people on it we would NEVER have the outcome that we have for my son. NEVER. So stick around. Take time away if/when needed, but keep coming back.
     
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome. It's very good to see another man here - women are very heavily over-represented on the forum :)
    I don't have any expert advice to give you - am very much on a steep learning curve myself - but something about your description of your son reminded me of my own. He too loves animals and babies... (oh, and is beautiful, smart and all the rest...) and lashes out when frustrated, though this is now generally confined to lashing out at me (though this too has got rarer). To my inexpert understanding, conduct disorder is beyond what your son is doing. I would like to understand more about impulse control and the lack of it and what, if anything, can be done to improve this (other than medications). I do see that my son occasionally controls himself, chooses to do that, so I don't see it as something that is immutable and set in stone.
    I think it is very good - for your health and sanity aside from anything else - that you start each day saying it will be a good one :)
     
  8. bigboneded38

    bigboneded38 New Member

    Thank you guys for all the input. Now to filter and address some questions. (Hopefully I can figure out the block quoting here!)

    -Motor skills, gross: good athlete, plays most sports and plays them well, bikes, skateboards, snowboards. Fine: took a long time to learn how to tie his shoes, dresses easily, never a problem with buttons, lots of legos and micro-ish toys, poor handwriting, doesn't "hate" any of it.
    -He reads for pleasure, lots of magazines, easy stuff, but is absolutely DEVOURING Harry Potter right now. I have always read with him and my girlfriend reads even more than I do. BioMom and brother, and all grandparents were big readers too.
    -He IS keeping up in school, but he has the same problem I had...once he gets the material, he wants to move on and rote work is frustrating and creates problems, also he then becomes easily distracted. This year his math is way more advanced, but he is handling it great with way less struggle than in previous years. I think it's because he is being challenged and that is fun for him when he gets it right. He is in what is called an "Optional Learning" class/program and has classmates in 4th, 5th, and 6th grade.
    -Never had any testing formally, although he did take an online IQ test and scored out at 180, while a lot of my friends (adults) were in the 120-150 range. I was over 200, which shows you how valid the test was...not very, but the point was, he was scoring higher than a lot of adults.
    -issues, challenges, family diagnoses...Brother ADHD, BioMom - some depression, addiction, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Maternal Uncle - paranoid schizophrenic, committed suicide. Maternal GMA - bi-polar, borderline PD, narcissistic PD, and histrionic PD, addict. Father and Paternal GPA - unofficial ADD/ADHD, ODD, DXs, early antisocial PD, resolved in adulthood, but never treated.
    -Sleep patterns, takes a while sometimes, because he plays when he's supposed to sleep, but can usually fall asleep easily when encouraged. There have been some disturbance issues, but very infrequent. sleep-walking two or three times, bed-wetting to age 8, some nightmares (or reports of).
    -eating: no problems, husky kid but not obese, eats well.

    His prenatal care was monitored carefully, biomom was not using or drinking alcohol, she is an RN and was a Labor and Delivery Nurse at the time. Non-smoker, folic acid supplements, best OBGYN team in Sacramento.

    Currently not being treated, and no IEP, but I am working closely with the teacher, school counselor, school nurse, and principal. They were all helpful and encouraging from day one, knowing that he was transplanted and not near his biomom. Also working with his after-school program director as she has an adult son who had sp. needs.

    His early years were mostly idyllic. Not passed around, Mo and/or Fa in the home at all times, loving, doting, educated, professional parents (perhaps too doting, if that can be a thing?), and a loving brother. Great relationship with Paternal GMA, who passed when he was 4 (he knew she was dead without being told which was weird and spoke to a pretty strong connection).

    His Mom and I were together until he was ending 1st grade and I did a lot to shelter he and his brother from their mother's addiction. Obviously, they picked up on way more than I realize. The marriage fallout was pretty tough, she left for inpatient rehab, was living there for about 9 months, tried to move back in, resumed use and cheating (including taking LT with her to the pharmacy and making him promise not to tell me, and getting into fender benders, driving with him while she was high, and making him promise the same), and I had to tell her to leave the home, so she took off to MN with a random man she met , probably on the internet, and was gone for 8 more months before she came back and had infrequent visitation. When I got the custody order, the court mediator and female judge awarded me even more custody, and her less visitation, than I had proposed.

    Oh, and he starts karate on Monday, hopefully to have a physical outlet, learn some self-discipline, and learn how to be cognizant of actions before acting.

    Please! Keep the feedback comin :)
     
  9. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    So.... idiot question here but.... what possibility is there that your son's aggression and violence has something (anything) to do with the abandonment by his mother? That's a pretty hard blow for a child.
    May not be relevant but springs to mind after reading your post.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2011
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok...biomom is an addict. Did she use drugs/drink while she was pregnant? This alone can cause behavior problems and poor impulse control...from mild to severe. It can mess with the development of the frontal lobe of the brain to, at it's worse, cause severe organic brain damage. He obviously is too bright to have fetal alcohol syndrome or it's effects. However, if she abused drugs or drank while pregnant, there is almost no way to get around some damage to the developing brain. If she was a drug user during pregnancy (even smoking can affect a fetus), that could be large part of his inability to control himself.
    Other than that, I am also wondering about possible attachment issues due to his mother being in and out of his life and then removed. Although it sounds like she was a terrible influence on him, that doesn't stop kids from loving and missing their parents. Was there a lot of changing of caregivers when he was extremely young? Was he taken good care of in his infancy?
    Also, it sounds like a good deal of the family on both sides (genetic family) has poor impulse control issues. That can be inherited. There is no quick fix for any of this (I know men are "fixers" lol). It is slow with a lot of trial and error. I do think it will help once he gets into treatment :) You are pretty much doing what you can do from your end, but all of us can use a little help!
    Thanks for sharing and keep us posted.
     
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    My gut feel is that you are dealing with multiple issues, many of which are not "severe" but taken together become "huge" for the kid involved.

    For example - motor skills. If the only problem was writing, then I probably wouldn't be looking at motor skills at all... but he had problems with tieing shoes, too - but not with buttons and such. Likely, some fine motor skills component to the picture, but not the "driving" diagnosis. There may also be some dysgraphia involved - not enough info yet to even guess at that.

    Recent turmoil will be a factor. Including the move. We tend to forget that moving is among the most stressful life-events. It can be enough to drive an otherwise-well-balanced kid over the edge. I'm supposing that you already know that grade 4 is one of the worst possible times to be moving.

    Possibly some discrepancy between academic capability and performance? Can be various reasons for that, too.

    This is probably going to be a "layers" case. Find some stuff, deal with it, go find more stuff.
    Is there any way you can get some basic testing done through the school?
    Even WISC and WYATT (sp?) would help - basic "where is this kid at" testing, including IQ.
    Its unlikely that dislexia or dyscalcula would be involved... doesn't rule out dysgraphia.
     
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    RE: (Hopefully I can figure out the block quoting here!)

    oh yeah, thanks for that! I forgot to ask....sorry to but into your topic but how the heck do you do the partial quotes. Everything I've tried makes the whole post copy. Can anyone explain how to do that...also why some forums have the "like" box and some dont...just curious if I am missing it on gen. parenting. thanks.
     
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    RE: taking karate...

    GReat! This does wonders for many kids with these issues, especially a kid like yours who doesn't seem to have any cognitive delays. (not saying it isnt good for kids with cognitive delays it is great for them too, just mean that some of the concepts for kids who are aggressive and have cognitive issues can be tricky) It probabaly will be amazing for him. I will share a warning...for my son we had to stop...he just didn't care when or where he "practiced" kicking etc. And one student (aspergers, severe aggression) who is at school with hi- and I know them through other friends outside of school- has his black belt. He got his long term, very very devoted Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker in the eye and he nearly had to stay in the hospital. When he blows up he is considered very dangerous because he has been taught how to do the most damage for defense...but if he feels the need... He is impulsive at times so isn't able to control himself and use the principles they learn when being trained (no hurting others, being in control etc....only for serious defense etc.) Other options if he does struggle with this can be gymnastics (lots of tramp bouncing and jumping etc. , and sorry if it doesn't seem macho but dance is great for discipline and memory and the music can really be therapeutic. My son does therapeutic horseback riding...and the deeper the snow the better! Of course other non contact or minimal contact sports could be good if "contact" sports rev him or he uses the skills in the wrong places like basketball, baseball...all the things you say you already have done ...love the snowboarding etc...you all sound really active so he is lucky you have exposed him to all of that. You sound like you really have turned things around for yourself and for his sake and I really, in a huge way, admire that.
     
  14. keista

    keista New Member

    I find this creepy and cool at the same time. My son did this, but with birth. At 4 he knew I was pregnant before I was. 2 years later he knew again. At 4 he still had very limited language, but at 6 he was fully verbal and after the fact, I asked him how he knew. He was reluctant to tell me. All these years later he doesn't remember :(

    Quoting Copy and paste what you want to quote, select it all, and then click the cartoon talk bubble in the tool bar. On my bar it's the last icon. you can also manually put it in " in front and " at the end, but don't space it like I did. I had to do that so you could see what I was writing instead of it "quoting"
    The like button is only found in The Watercooler
     
  15. bigboneded38

    bigboneded38 New Member

    NOT an idiot question! Actually, there have to be some issues related to this, although empirically , this type of behavior was present when he was in pre-school, when nuclear family was intact and biomom and I were together and happy. She was struggling with the beginnings of her addiction, but she was working and productive, etc.

    The relationship with biomom is what has me thinking all of this is biological. He is behind the 8 ball genetically, with a lot of mental illness on the MO side, and a lot of CD, ADD, Antisocial issues on the FA side.

    Again. Thank you all for your input. I feel better in here, I will now get to start reading other threads and trying to help and learn, AND I figured out the block quoting. YAY!
     
  16. bigboneded38

    bigboneded38 New Member

    I got the call from my Dad, told biomom I was going out to the hospital, THEN I woke up LT (so there was no way he heard because I was intentionally quiet and he was on the other side of the house, asleep with the door closed) put him in the car to drop him off at pre-school so I could go to the hospital. and on the way he said "Daddy, you better hurry, because Grandma is gonna die."

    She was already brain-dead.
     
  17. keista

    keista New Member

    The circumstances are sad, but that memory is precious. ((((HUGS)))) to both of you.


    by the way on this post I used 'reply with quote' because it was short.
     
  18. buddy

    buddy New Member

    THANKS! ok so I get those two things...what is the little box by the reply with quote box that says multiquote this message? again sorry for asking in this thread...
     
  19. keista

    keista New Member

    You can click that on several posts and when you click reply with quote, it will quote all the ones you clicked at once.
     
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks! seems obvious now but I wasn't gettin' it. Very kind of you to answer. :flirtysmile3:
     
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