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Newbie...searching for answers, glad I stumbled in...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 465440" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and Welcome! This is the perfect place and way to introduce yourself! Don't worry about stuff like that. We will let you know (nicely, of course) if there is a more effective way to do things on here. Pretty much we just start a thread for each problem/issue. If those are your real names/your child's real name, please please please change them. If not for your privacy, do so for your child's. Things we put on the internet are pretty much there forever, same reason inappropriate things on facebook are a big problem with teens, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>PLEASE, even though you have formal training in psychology, do NOT leap to a conduct disorder diagnosis. Remember that your son's brain will not be finished growing until his mid twenties - over a decade from now! ODD is a pretty useless diagnosis in many of our opinions. It does not give you ANY idea what is going on or how to treat it, just says the child is misbehaving. Could be autistic spectrum related (like my difficult child) or ADHD or brain trauma or personality disorder or even food allergies. DON"T get invested or caught up in ODD. ODD symptoms go away when the underlying problems are treated. Your son is WAY too young to be given a conduct disorder diagnosis = there isn't really much hope for that, and it is sort of a "throwaway" diagnosis in my opinion. At least in my area a lot of the therapists won't treat a kid with cd because "it won't really help". LOTS of what your son does are due to various types of immaturity (social, brain, emotional, etc....).</p><p></p><p>My difficult child knew what love was, and was so violent he could not live iwth us, but was mostly violent with us and only at school when he was really pushed. psychiatric hospital for 4 mos at 12 because a sp ed teacher pushed him to a psychotic break, and then at 14 I had to have the police remove him and refused to let him live iwth us. I love him so much it hurts, but I love his siblings just as much. All of us, including my difficult child who hated me for a long time, now agree that moving difficult child out was the only option = keeping him here would have meant that one of us, either me, difficult child or my daughter, died or was wounded enough to leave permanent damage. Where is my child who was so violent? He lives 15 mn away with my parents, is in his second yr of college iwth a 4.0gpa, is an AMAZING, kind, loving young man who has become an awesome big brother and son. How did it happen? Part was being the only child in the house, part was living with my parents. Wiz has aspergers and so does my dad. Mom has managed my dad for close to 50 yrs, and after my father let Wiz realize that Wiz would die if he threatened or laid a finger on my mom, they got through. One of the things that helped SO MUCH was hard physical labor. </p><p></p><p>When Wiz misbehaved, he got to do yardwork. Not raking leaves, helping clear out their over-landscaped (by the previous owner 20+ yrs ago) overgrown huge yard. Getting all the stuff out of hedges, picking up limbs from the trees as they fell or were trimmed, hours and hours and hours of it. My dad worked side by side with him, because otherwise difficult child would not work. I was not, and am not, physically able to do that and my husband worked and had a long commute nad couldn't. We tried, and we did a LOT of things in earlier years that set the foundation for this to work. ALL of it was needed.</p><p></p><p>The hard physical labor for any real infraction may seem overkill or mean. So be it. It uses another type of memory, and Wiz would eventually be able to decide if it was worth it to do X when he would spend Y hrs in hard labor. My parents' house has NEVER looked so great after Wiz was there a couple of years, lol. The other big things that really helped were that my dad was a retired jr high teacher and that his Aspergers left him more inflexible than Wiz, so Wiz didn't have a chance to run over him. Add natural and logical consequences and a woman more than happy to turn her creativity to those consequences, well, somehow it worked. We all worked hard thsoe years, I dealt with quite a few episodes where he "ran away" and I brought him back.</p><p></p><p>Your son CAN get better. I am not saying that CD won't be the diagnosis, but I am saying that there is a LOT of hope that it is something else. You also need to read some books. First is The Out of Sync Child. Sensory Integration Disorder can create a LOT of problems, esp with impulse control, because certain things just rob the child of all ability to cope. How do I know? That is how I was as a child and still am some days. I also have kids with those problems. According to two psychiatrists, if we had ignored my youngest's sensory issues he probably would have ended up with an aspergers or high functioning autism diagnosis. We got treatment by age 3 or 4 and today? He still has problems but is able to do a LOT more than we really even ever hoped he could. The boy is brilliant, iwth a fluid and flexible mind that finds the most amazing solutions to problems, but it can get locked up by sensory problems. When he is overloaded sensory-wise, he has NO impulse control at all. NONE. Otherwise, he is my thinker.</p><p></p><p>You also need to read The Explosive Child and Lost at School. Share them with your son's school. Use collaborative problem solving - it can help stop a LOT of problems. Also read some of the love and logic books. They may seem at odds with The Explosive child, but they help you identify the natural and logical consequences and use those to help modify behavior. There are a lot of different l&l books, pick the one(s) that seem to fit your situation from the descriptions at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a>. You can order from them or from any bookstore (I always check abebooks.com and amazon marketplace to see if there is a used copy - but I am a cheapskate!)</p><p></p><p>Get some evaluations set up - private Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory evaluation, audiologist for Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD), neuropsychologist for all sorts of things including but not limited to leraning difficulties and adhd, and stick around here. in my opinion without this board and the people on it we would NEVER have the outcome that we have for my son. NEVER. So stick around. Take time away if/when needed, but keep coming back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 465440, member: 1233"] Hi and Welcome! This is the perfect place and way to introduce yourself! Don't worry about stuff like that. We will let you know (nicely, of course) if there is a more effective way to do things on here. Pretty much we just start a thread for each problem/issue. If those are your real names/your child's real name, please please please change them. If not for your privacy, do so for your child's. Things we put on the internet are pretty much there forever, same reason inappropriate things on facebook are a big problem with teens, Know what I mean?? PLEASE, even though you have formal training in psychology, do NOT leap to a conduct disorder diagnosis. Remember that your son's brain will not be finished growing until his mid twenties - over a decade from now! ODD is a pretty useless diagnosis in many of our opinions. It does not give you ANY idea what is going on or how to treat it, just says the child is misbehaving. Could be autistic spectrum related (like my difficult child) or ADHD or brain trauma or personality disorder or even food allergies. DON"T get invested or caught up in ODD. ODD symptoms go away when the underlying problems are treated. Your son is WAY too young to be given a conduct disorder diagnosis = there isn't really much hope for that, and it is sort of a "throwaway" diagnosis in my opinion. At least in my area a lot of the therapists won't treat a kid with cd because "it won't really help". LOTS of what your son does are due to various types of immaturity (social, brain, emotional, etc....). My difficult child knew what love was, and was so violent he could not live iwth us, but was mostly violent with us and only at school when he was really pushed. psychiatric hospital for 4 mos at 12 because a sp ed teacher pushed him to a psychotic break, and then at 14 I had to have the police remove him and refused to let him live iwth us. I love him so much it hurts, but I love his siblings just as much. All of us, including my difficult child who hated me for a long time, now agree that moving difficult child out was the only option = keeping him here would have meant that one of us, either me, difficult child or my daughter, died or was wounded enough to leave permanent damage. Where is my child who was so violent? He lives 15 mn away with my parents, is in his second yr of college iwth a 4.0gpa, is an AMAZING, kind, loving young man who has become an awesome big brother and son. How did it happen? Part was being the only child in the house, part was living with my parents. Wiz has aspergers and so does my dad. Mom has managed my dad for close to 50 yrs, and after my father let Wiz realize that Wiz would die if he threatened or laid a finger on my mom, they got through. One of the things that helped SO MUCH was hard physical labor. When Wiz misbehaved, he got to do yardwork. Not raking leaves, helping clear out their over-landscaped (by the previous owner 20+ yrs ago) overgrown huge yard. Getting all the stuff out of hedges, picking up limbs from the trees as they fell or were trimmed, hours and hours and hours of it. My dad worked side by side with him, because otherwise difficult child would not work. I was not, and am not, physically able to do that and my husband worked and had a long commute nad couldn't. We tried, and we did a LOT of things in earlier years that set the foundation for this to work. ALL of it was needed. The hard physical labor for any real infraction may seem overkill or mean. So be it. It uses another type of memory, and Wiz would eventually be able to decide if it was worth it to do X when he would spend Y hrs in hard labor. My parents' house has NEVER looked so great after Wiz was there a couple of years, lol. The other big things that really helped were that my dad was a retired jr high teacher and that his Aspergers left him more inflexible than Wiz, so Wiz didn't have a chance to run over him. Add natural and logical consequences and a woman more than happy to turn her creativity to those consequences, well, somehow it worked. We all worked hard thsoe years, I dealt with quite a few episodes where he "ran away" and I brought him back. Your son CAN get better. I am not saying that CD won't be the diagnosis, but I am saying that there is a LOT of hope that it is something else. You also need to read some books. First is The Out of Sync Child. Sensory Integration Disorder can create a LOT of problems, esp with impulse control, because certain things just rob the child of all ability to cope. How do I know? That is how I was as a child and still am some days. I also have kids with those problems. According to two psychiatrists, if we had ignored my youngest's sensory issues he probably would have ended up with an aspergers or high functioning autism diagnosis. We got treatment by age 3 or 4 and today? He still has problems but is able to do a LOT more than we really even ever hoped he could. The boy is brilliant, iwth a fluid and flexible mind that finds the most amazing solutions to problems, but it can get locked up by sensory problems. When he is overloaded sensory-wise, he has NO impulse control at all. NONE. Otherwise, he is my thinker. You also need to read The Explosive Child and Lost at School. Share them with your son's school. Use collaborative problem solving - it can help stop a LOT of problems. Also read some of the love and logic books. They may seem at odds with The Explosive child, but they help you identify the natural and logical consequences and use those to help modify behavior. There are a lot of different l&l books, pick the one(s) that seem to fit your situation from the descriptions at [url]www.loveandlogic.com[/url]. You can order from them or from any bookstore (I always check abebooks.com and amazon marketplace to see if there is a used copy - but I am a cheapskate!) Get some evaluations set up - private Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory evaluation, audiologist for Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD), neuropsychologist for all sorts of things including but not limited to leraning difficulties and adhd, and stick around here. in my opinion without this board and the people on it we would NEVER have the outcome that we have for my son. NEVER. So stick around. Take time away if/when needed, but keep coming back. [/QUOTE]
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