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newbie seeking advice on dealing with sons behaviors
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<blockquote data-quote="freakchick39" data-source="post: 614736" data-attributes="member: 17466"><p>oh dear cedar,thank you for your reply..god yes do I ever know the feeling of longing to have a 'normal" child. not only for my relief and having to deal with the outside world and their nasty stares and all knowing advise on what I should be doing....but for my son and his future because I know too well that he will live with the hand he was dealt the rest of his life and I so wish I could spare him the agony and pain hes already enduring. it hurts so bad to hear my 18 yr old boy sat he wants to die and spends most every day locked in his bedroom alone in misery and sadness and I stand idly by not being able to help him . I also have bipolar as well as ptsd and I know how he feels and all im able to tell him is that I do understand and im sorry but it probably wont get better. Ive tried to convince him in many ways using different analogies that he needs to at least try a few different medications in hopes of eleviating some of the symptoms but he wont. he just wants to do it on his own. we moved from Ny to Az about 7 years ago. in NY I knew all the resources available and utilized most of them, but the resources here in Az are scarce. I am sure he wouldnt participate in any if I did find some to include him in. I looked at nami site here and immediately saw some classes that looked interesting and perhaps informative but unfortunately I had a bad car accident a year ago in which I totaled my truck and I was left badly injured and am barely able to walk so busses arent an option and I have no family or friends here to ask for rides. so im afraid my resources are limited to the internet. im glad I found this site and people who have lived the same situations, and can hopefully advise me on some strategies they used and how they coped. I think its a different ball game now that hes an adult and its a game im lost in. when he was younger often I had to do full body restraints on him and he would scream and slam his head into my chest repeatedly until he passed out or mellowed from exhaustion. I cant do that any more..hes 6'2" . I used to reward good behavior with paper certificates of acheivement cause oddly he preferred them over toys or treats...I doubt hed like them now. I did bottle it up like you for all these years and im now very tired. I broke down a few weeks ago and he came to hug me and say "im sorry mom its just..." and I said to him, no, you dont understand .every single day for 14 yrs (since age 4) its always been for one reason / excuse or another. never a break. always angry. im tired. and for a second I thought I might have gotten through but the next day it was the same thing all over again. many horrible things that even I, as a relatively bad child, never said or did to my mom...one example...he was 15 and in the midst of one of his more severe episodes he said to me," im gonna kick you so many times between the legs youll never have kids again" then remembered I already cant, told me I was a useless woman. what kind of kid could say that to the woman who gave him life and exhausted her own in efforts to fix his?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="freakchick39, post: 614736, member: 17466"] oh dear cedar,thank you for your reply..god yes do I ever know the feeling of longing to have a 'normal" child. not only for my relief and having to deal with the outside world and their nasty stares and all knowing advise on what I should be doing....but for my son and his future because I know too well that he will live with the hand he was dealt the rest of his life and I so wish I could spare him the agony and pain hes already enduring. it hurts so bad to hear my 18 yr old boy sat he wants to die and spends most every day locked in his bedroom alone in misery and sadness and I stand idly by not being able to help him . I also have bipolar as well as ptsd and I know how he feels and all im able to tell him is that I do understand and im sorry but it probably wont get better. Ive tried to convince him in many ways using different analogies that he needs to at least try a few different medications in hopes of eleviating some of the symptoms but he wont. he just wants to do it on his own. we moved from Ny to Az about 7 years ago. in NY I knew all the resources available and utilized most of them, but the resources here in Az are scarce. I am sure he wouldnt participate in any if I did find some to include him in. I looked at nami site here and immediately saw some classes that looked interesting and perhaps informative but unfortunately I had a bad car accident a year ago in which I totaled my truck and I was left badly injured and am barely able to walk so busses arent an option and I have no family or friends here to ask for rides. so im afraid my resources are limited to the internet. im glad I found this site and people who have lived the same situations, and can hopefully advise me on some strategies they used and how they coped. I think its a different ball game now that hes an adult and its a game im lost in. when he was younger often I had to do full body restraints on him and he would scream and slam his head into my chest repeatedly until he passed out or mellowed from exhaustion. I cant do that any more..hes 6'2" . I used to reward good behavior with paper certificates of acheivement cause oddly he preferred them over toys or treats...I doubt hed like them now. I did bottle it up like you for all these years and im now very tired. I broke down a few weeks ago and he came to hug me and say "im sorry mom its just..." and I said to him, no, you dont understand .every single day for 14 yrs (since age 4) its always been for one reason / excuse or another. never a break. always angry. im tired. and for a second I thought I might have gotten through but the next day it was the same thing all over again. many horrible things that even I, as a relatively bad child, never said or did to my mom...one example...he was 15 and in the midst of one of his more severe episodes he said to me," im gonna kick you so many times between the legs youll never have kids again" then remembered I already cant, told me I was a useless woman. what kind of kid could say that to the woman who gave him life and exhausted her own in efforts to fix his? [/QUOTE]
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