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newbie seeking advice on dealing with sons behaviors
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<blockquote data-quote="freakchick39" data-source="post: 614840" data-attributes="member: 17466"><p>yea I completely understand what you mean about animals. I worry if my son had a kid if he would react that way when it wouldnt stop crying. believe me , the thought psychopath has crossed my mind and scared the s*** outta me , but he just doesnt fit enough of the diagnostic criteria. my son has good in him..under everything else. he will go out of his way to help an elderly person with their groceries just instinctively. and when he was in school even though he was incredibly hard to handle they put him in a lower grade class 1 or 2 hours a couple days a week because he helped and worked well with the kids that had severe learning disabilities.</p><p>what i wanted to leave off with in that last post before my phone messed up, is that id be foolish to get too hopeful, and naive to think i might have really made some head way, after all the years of thinking this might finally be it... but , he was sleeping last night, and i was loud i guess and woke him up, normally it would be a swear a thon and stomping to the bathroom complaining under his breath, but instead he said hey mom could you please quiet down.. that kinda surprised me.. i am going to keep drilling into his head that i wont tolerate certian things, the major stuff.. i learned years ago to pick my battles.. and just hope that soon he wakes up and gets the picture. i did include in the boundries, goals and concequence list that if after some time he finds it too much to follow the short list ive compiled , to make my life less of a living hell, then we will need to discuss the options for him moving out. whether it be in with a roomie ( thatll never work) at a half way house, or in a studio apt of his own.. i told him i would make sure he was set up and then hed be on his own. he says he is worried about how i will survive with out his check ( i am disabled and can barely walk right now ) .. but i suspect its more that he is worried about how HE will survive on just one check alone, and without mama to do everything for him and be his emotional punching bag. he has done some really questionable things and said scary things over the years, but i know when it comes down to it, hes not evil. he has a good heart. he just doesnt know how to control his anger and his impulses. thank you for saying its not my fault, but i cant help but feel that if i had been more consistant in dealing out concequences and sticking to them, when he was little, then maybe he wouldnt know now that i am so easy to take advantage of. i cringe when i think of next month when i dont give him his whole 120 that he normally gets.. and well maybe i could just let him slide this once and not take that 10 away for this incident.. but i know in my heart that for his benefit , that i am crippling him by not following through, and i will do it. </p><p>when can i post a signature with all my bio info in it like the others have? i looked for a link to "bio" cause i saw a different thread in which enabler told another newbie to go fill in her bio,. but there is no link for bio,. maybe that changed when the rest of the site changed the other day? I don't know... </p><p>thank you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="freakchick39, post: 614840, member: 17466"] yea I completely understand what you mean about animals. I worry if my son had a kid if he would react that way when it wouldnt stop crying. believe me , the thought psychopath has crossed my mind and scared the s*** outta me , but he just doesnt fit enough of the diagnostic criteria. my son has good in him..under everything else. he will go out of his way to help an elderly person with their groceries just instinctively. and when he was in school even though he was incredibly hard to handle they put him in a lower grade class 1 or 2 hours a couple days a week because he helped and worked well with the kids that had severe learning disabilities. what i wanted to leave off with in that last post before my phone messed up, is that id be foolish to get too hopeful, and naive to think i might have really made some head way, after all the years of thinking this might finally be it... but , he was sleeping last night, and i was loud i guess and woke him up, normally it would be a swear a thon and stomping to the bathroom complaining under his breath, but instead he said hey mom could you please quiet down.. that kinda surprised me.. i am going to keep drilling into his head that i wont tolerate certian things, the major stuff.. i learned years ago to pick my battles.. and just hope that soon he wakes up and gets the picture. i did include in the boundries, goals and concequence list that if after some time he finds it too much to follow the short list ive compiled , to make my life less of a living hell, then we will need to discuss the options for him moving out. whether it be in with a roomie ( thatll never work) at a half way house, or in a studio apt of his own.. i told him i would make sure he was set up and then hed be on his own. he says he is worried about how i will survive with out his check ( i am disabled and can barely walk right now ) .. but i suspect its more that he is worried about how HE will survive on just one check alone, and without mama to do everything for him and be his emotional punching bag. he has done some really questionable things and said scary things over the years, but i know when it comes down to it, hes not evil. he has a good heart. he just doesnt know how to control his anger and his impulses. thank you for saying its not my fault, but i cant help but feel that if i had been more consistant in dealing out concequences and sticking to them, when he was little, then maybe he wouldnt know now that i am so easy to take advantage of. i cringe when i think of next month when i dont give him his whole 120 that he normally gets.. and well maybe i could just let him slide this once and not take that 10 away for this incident.. but i know in my heart that for his benefit , that i am crippling him by not following through, and i will do it. when can i post a signature with all my bio info in it like the others have? i looked for a link to "bio" cause i saw a different thread in which enabler told another newbie to go fill in her bio,. but there is no link for bio,. maybe that changed when the rest of the site changed the other day? I don't know... thank you :) [/QUOTE]
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